How To Save A Life
by DiDiGlee
Summary: Kurt's life is turned upside down after talking a stranger on the Brooklyn Bridge out of jumping. To make sure the suicidal Blaine won't try again, Kurt takes it upon himself to watch him for two weeks. It's not easy allowing Blaine a glimpse into his own life in return.
1. How To Hold On For Dear Life

**Summary: Kurt's life is turned upside down after talking a stranger on the Brooklyn Bridge out of jumping. To make sure the suicidal Blaine won't try again, Kurt takes it upon himself to watch him for two weeks. But it's not easy allowing Blaine a glimpse into his life in return.**

 **This story idea is inspired by Cecelia Ahern's novel** _ **How To Fall In Love.**_

 **Trigger Warnings: suicide attempt and talk about suicide. No character death!**

 _ **SonofLuffy, LaurenEP18**_ **and** _ **LvSammy**_ **, thank you so much for helping me with this story so far! I love you guys!**

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 **Chapter 1 - How To Hold On For Dear Life**

It was almost midnight. The night was dark, cold and unpredictable and therefore mirrored Kurt's mood perfectly. There had been a storm just the night before, leaving the streets in a mess of junk that no one had bothered to clean up yet.

Kurt walked fast and steady with his hands deep in his pockets and his scarf pulled up so high his mouth and nose were hidden to protect himself against the sharp wind.

Kurt had taken a lot of nightly strolls lately. Never in Manhattan, because the city was as much alive at night as it was by daytime. New York consisted of more than just the isle of Manhattan, but people only ever wanted to see the bright city, never the surrounding boroughs supporting it.

There weren't any pedestriants on the Brooklyn Bridge. Kurt was the only one and he preferred it that way. Lately he had come to hate company. It was easier being alone.

There were only a few cars crossing the bridge, mostly cabs driving people into the city where they wanted to go out clubbing, dancing and drinking the night away. Kurt moved on. His ears were already aching from the cold and his nose was numb, but he hardly felt it.

Kurt stopped in the middle of the bridge, leaned against the railing and looked up into the cloudy sky first, trying to make out the moon or a few stars, but there were dark clouds blocking the view, not even allowing a gimpse of the night sky. He turned his gaze downward to the thick mass of darkness growling beneath him like a hungry monster lurking for its prey.

It was impossible to stare into the dark moving mass of the river deep beneath him and not to imagine how fatal a fall would be, with the brutal force of the stream knocking the breath out of one's lungs and the ice cold water paralyzing one's limbs, while the currents mercilessly drowned you. For a while he was mesmerized by the violent stream a hundred feet beneath him, until the icy wind hit him like a slap across the face, as if remembering him why he was here.

Kurt closed his eyes and began tapping a rhythm with the fingers of his right hand on the fingers of his left hand. It was a nervous habit supposed to help him fight a panic attack, but it wasn't always very successful.

Finally, his gloved hands reached forward and tightened around the railing. With firm resoluteness, Kurt turned his face towards the sky again. "Forgive me," he murmured into the night, allowing himself to linger on the agony harboring his heart.

Kurt was disturbed by a noise. He stepped back to see around the post that he was standing next to and saw a man approaching. The man's face was hidden in the shadows of his up-turned collar and flinched shoulders and he was muttering to himself while he walked against the cold sharp wind.

Kurt was annoyed. No chance to ever be alone. He wanted the guy to pass by quickly, so Kurt hid back behind the post and paid no attention to him. But the guy didn't walk by. It was just as Kurt leaned forward that he could see that the man was standing by the railing, too, just a few feet away on the other side of the post. Apparently the man hadn't noticed Kurt, because he started yelling into the night, the way you just lost it when no one could hear you.

"Fuck you! I hate you! You're the most pathetic piece of shit in the city! On the planet! I wish you'd die already, you fucking coward!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. Couldn't the guy just move on? Everybody had that person in their life who made them feel miserable and who they wouldn't mind to drop dead. If yelling helped, Kurt hoped the guy was done soon. Kurt liked his solitude. Yelling into the night had never helped him much.

"Fuck my life-"

This time there was an edge in the man's voice that startled Kurt. A hitch of raw vulnerability, almost a sob, as if he was about to cry.

Kurt caught a motion in the corner of his eye. The guy was climbing over the balustrade, fast and determined until he was clinging to the outside of the bridge, taking deep breaths, preparing for a jump.

Kurt's heart stopped beating. Was this really happening? What was he supposed to do? He leaned forward again and stared at the man and caught a glimpse of his face which was set and resolute. He was serious, he was going to end it right here and now.

"Wait!" Suddenly, adrenalin pumped through Kurt's body as he stepped around his hiding place and hurried over.

The guy whipped around, startled to see someone nearby, and Kurt realized that he shouldn't make a haste approach. He raised his hands as if to show that he was no threat.

"I'm sorry to... to interrupt," Kurt said, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Go away," the man said gruffly and looked straight ahead again, facing the water.

Kurt didn't know what to do. A few cars just passed by, but no one cared about the man who was about to jump. Kurt realized he should call the police or an ambulance, someone professional, but he couldn't get his phone out now in front of the man.

"What's your name?"

The man looked over his shoulder once again, his young face startling Kurt. The guy was just about his age, definitely in his early twenties. A few strands of dark hair curled out from beneath a black beanie and his dark blue coat was hugging his slim waist.

"Don't bother with me," the guy said in a softer tone. "Just go away."

"You can't expect me to just walk away," Kurt said, harsher than he intended. He took a step forward and the other man tensed up.

"Don't come any closer!" he shouted, his voice revealing his panic.

Kurt stopped, raising his hands again. He stood an arm's length away now. If he absolutely had to, he could grab him. "All right, I'm staying here."

The man looked up to see how far Kurt was from him and then down again, then back up at Kurt and their eyes locked. Kurt noticed that the man's olive skin was shaven and his full lips were parted slightly as he was breathing heavily. He was incredibly handsome. But the young man's eyes were his most significant feature, honey-colored and framed with thick black lashes and the most stunning triangle brows Kurt had ever seen.

His hazel eyes stared at Kurt, big and terrified, pupils so large they almost took over his eyes, and Kurt wondered if he was on something or drunk. Kurt licked his lips nervously.

"Look, you've probably just had too much to drink tonight. You don't want to do something rash." Kurt tried to sound cheerful, although he was scared shitless. The drop from this bridge was really deep and the stream was merciless. The man would be gone in a second, but the actual drowning would last an eternity. Kurt shuddered at the thought of it. "Whatever it is that's bothering you-"

"It'll pass, right?" the young man snapped and there was a mocking glint in those hazel eyes. "Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will work out. Is that what you want to say? I heard all of it before. But guess what, sometimes there's just no hope for a brighter day. Sometime's there's just no way out!"

He blocked Kurt out and focused on the water again. He was still standing on the wrong side of the railings with his feet on the narrow ridge and his hands wrapped around the iron.

Kurt stood tense, frightened by the outburst. His heart hammered each time the man loosened his grip and he dreaded him letting go completely. "I'm sorry. Please, calm down. I don't want you to fall-"

"Fall?" the other let out a bitter laugh. "I'm going to _jump_ , no matter what you say. So please save yourself the trouble and just go away! I don't need an audience."

"Well, you've got one," Kurt replied with a snort. He knew he shouldn't get snarky, but it was his standard reaction when he was frightened and he didn't know how to talk properly to someone who was about to commit suicide. "And I'm not going away until you get off this bridge safely."

"There's no point!" the other one insisted fiercely, although a catch in his voice betrayed his resolutness. "I'll end up here again anyway. If not tonight, then tomorrow. Why not end it tonight?"

"Because I want to hear your story," Kurt offered. "I'd like to talk to you. But not here. There's a coffee shop not far-"

"You can't talk me out of it." His eyes went straight back down to the river again, staring intently at the water.

"At least give me a chance to show you that you do have other options," Kurt pleaded. "You're just tired now and you feel like you have to do this, but that's not the only way-"

"I'm sorry," it was no more than a whisper. His fingers loosened on the iron bars, his body leaned forward, away from the railing.

Kurt dashed forward, grabbed the man's shoulders and pulled him back so hard that he slammed into the railing. Kurt wrapped his arms more securely around the man's chest, pinning him on the iron bars between them, and held on tight. He waited for the other one to pull away and wondered how he would keep his grip on him, knowing that he wouldn't be able for long if the man used his strength to resist Kurt.

They both took heavy breaths. For now the young man still held on to the railing, his arms spread to both sides as he grasped for support.

Kurt buried his face in the smaller man's woolly hat and squeezed his eyes shut. The other man smelled fresh and clean, like aftershave and blueberry hair gel. He smelled alive, like someone who was ready to go out, not like someone who had been planning to jump off a bridge. He felt strong and full of life too. Kurt held on to him, determined never to let go.

"My life's a mess," the man explained as if trying to justify his decision. "Nothing can change that."

"Of course it can change. Life can be wonderful!" Kurt disagreed.

"And who are you to make such promises?" The question came out in a painfully mocking voice, yet so vulnerable underneath, as if hoping against hope that his self-proclaimed rescuer had the solution to all his sorrow.

"I- I'm Kurt," Kurt introduced himself, knowing fully well that this wasn't what the man in his arms was asking. Yet it felt right to exchange names and try and get on a more personal level with him. "I'd like to know your name."

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to become your friend," the man growled, his chest heaving up and down. "Get your hands off me!"

Instantly Kurt squeezed harder to tighten his hold on the man. "Please don't do it," he whispered and to his own shock he started to cry. "Don't do it."

The man tried to turn around to see Kurt, but he stood directly behind him and he couldn't see his face. "Are you … are you crying?"

"Yes," Kurt sniffed. "Please don't do it." He was crying harder now, sobbing uncontrollably, his arms still wrapped around the man's chest, holding on for dear life.

The man moved some more, shuffled his feet along the edge of the ledge, so he could turn his head and see Kurt's face. "Are you okay?" He softened a little.

Kurt opened his eyes and could make out the man's profile, a strong jaw and straight nose, long thick eyelashes and black curls that stuck to his forehead.

"No," Kurt tried to stop crying. He wanted to dry his nose, but he was afraid to let go.

"Do I know you?" he asked, confused, wondering why Kurt cared so much.

"No," Kurt replied, sniffing again. He squeezed him tighter, hugging him like he hadn't hugged anyone for years.

The young man was looking at Kurt like he was crazy. They were practically nose to nose as he studied Kurt's face, as if looking for far more than what he could see.

"Please, turn around carefully, and climb back over the railing," Kurt pleaded. "I'm not going to let go of you until you're back on my side."

There was an endless moment of silence in which the man seemed to ponder his options. Kurt felt his arms tense and ache, but he didn't loosen up his grasp for one second, afraid that the man would jerk free at the first chance he got.

"Tell me your name!" he half begged, half demanded. If he would lose the man, at least he wanted to know a name to tell the police.

The man said something in a murmur, but the word got caught in the wind and escaped Kurt's ears. "What was that?" Kurt asked.

The man turned his head to the side in Kurt's direction again. "I'm Blaine," he said with a shiver in his voice, which made his voice sound so different from the angry man he'd been only moments before. Vulnerable and scared.

"Hi Blaine," Kurt said over his shoulder. "Nice to meet you. The circumstances are a bit odd, but hey, this'll make a fun story for the grand children."

The man in his arms laughed weakly. "You sound optimistic."

"Yeah, but when we're telling our _how_ _we_ _met_ story we should leave out your dramatic _life's so pointless_ speech." He knew it wasn't the time to make jokes, but it was the only way he could handle the situation at all.

"But it is!" Blaine insisted, but he chuckled, and Kurt considered this a win. And still, Blaine wasn't on safe ground yet.

"Do you think you can turn around slowly?" Kurt asked in a serious tone again. "I promise I won't let go."

Blaine's body was shaking and not just from the cold. Kurt felt him go rigid in his arms. "I want it to end. It hurts. Waking up is the worst part of my day."

Kurt didn't want him dwelling on the negative, on whatever it was that had sent him here.

"I understand. But you don't want to end your life, you just want to end your pain, the pain you're feeling right now, that pain that I'm sure you wake up with and go to bed at night with. Maybe no one around you understands that, but I do. You don't want to end it all the time, just sometimes it passes through your mind, probably more often lately than before. It's like a habit, trying to think of different ways to end it all. It's a moment. If you hang in there, this moment will pass, too. You can get through this. Whatever is going on, you can get through it." Kurt said, tears running down his face, wanting to believe in his own words as much as he tried to sell them to Blaine.

"I can't change things now," Blaine said. "It's too late."

"It's never too late. It's possible for your life to change. You can do it. I can help you," Kurt said, his voice little more than a whisper, Blaine's ear was right there, at the tip of his lips.

Blaine looked him in the eyes again and Kurt couldn't look away, he felt locked in. Blaine seemed so lost. "How do you want to help me?"

It was a valid question and Kurt had no clue. But he realized he couldn't make empty promises. "Well, for one I need to get to know you, so we need to spend a lot of time together."

"Just so you know it, I won't go see a doctor or psychologist! And I'm not going to a clinic to have me on suicide watch!"

"No, you don't have to if you don't want to," Kurt calmed him down. "I'll watch out for you. I'm not going to leave you alone in this. We'll do it together."

"Okay," Blaine finally agreed. "It's a deal."

A deal? Kurt hadn't intended on making a deal with him and take on the responsibility for his life, but he wasn't going to discuss it now. He just wanted him off the bridge.

"You need to let go of me so I can climb over," Blaine said.

Dread flooded Kurt's body. "I'm not letting you go. No way," Kurt said sternly.

Blaine chuckled, a tiny one, but it was there. "Now I'm trying to get back on the bridge and you won't let me."

Kurt took in the height of the bars Blaine needed to climb, then the drop below. It was going to be dangerous.

"I got here by myself, I can get back on the bridge by myself," Blaine said, annoyed.

Slowly Kurt removed one hand from Blaine's chest, not totally trusting that he was going to keep his word.

Blaine shuffled his feet on the narrow ledge and moved his right hand to a bar further away so that he could turn to face the bridge. Kurt's heart pounded as he watched, feeling helpless.

Suddenly the wind felt stronger, the air seemed colder and Kurt was even more aware of the danger Blaine was in. Blaine angled his body to the right, twisting from his waist and preparing to swing his left foot over the water and turn to face the bars, but as he pivoted his weight on his right foot, it slipped off. Somehow his left hand managed to grab the bar he had been reaching for just in time, leaving him hanging with one arm.

Kurt instantly lurched over the railing, reaching for Blaine's flailing hand and clinging on tightly and using all his strength to pull him up. In that moment it was the fear in Blaine's eyes which terrified Kurt the most. The man who only moments ago had wanted to end his life was now fighting to live.

Kurt helped pull him up and Blaine clung to the bars, eyes closed, taking deep breaths. Kurt grabbed the back of Blaine's jacket and shoulders and manoeuvred him to safety. As soon as he landed on the bridge, they both sat down hard on the ground. Kurt tucked his head between his legs, trying to stop his head from spinning.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked after a while, concerned.

"Yeah," Kurt said. "You?"

Blaine grimaced, the exhaustion showing in his face and body. "I don't know."

"Thanks," Kurt said after another while. "For not jumping," he clarified.

"Seemed like it meant more to you than to me," Blaine shrugged. "I look forward to you convincing me that this was a good idea. I think my birthday would be a good deadline."

Deadline? Kurt froze. Blaine had said it softly, but it felt like a warning. Suddenly, Kurt felt faint, not to mention foolish, at the thought of the deal he had agreed to. Despite wanting to take it all back, Kurt nodded nervously.

* * *

 **OK, this is the first chapter of the new story. This story is based on** **Cecelia Ahern's novel** _ **How To Fall In Love**_ **, and I used some of her scenes and storyline, but I will give it my own twist to turn it into a Klaine story. Let me know how you like it so far.**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	2. How To Follow A Stranger Home

**Chapter 2 - How To Follow A Stranger Home**

They walked in a quick pace down the street on the look-out for a cab, protected by their coats and scarves from the sharp wind.

"Do you have someone who would come and spend the night with you?" Kurt asked. "Family? Friends?"

Blaine let out a bitter laugh. "Stop worrying about me. It was just a moment of madness. I'm fine now. I just want to get to bed."

"You shouldn't be alone tonight," Kurt argued, and then clarified, "I'm not leaving you alone tonight."

"You don't have to do that," Blaine replied flatly, clearly not very fond of the idea of company.

"Where do you live?" Kurt asked, insisting on coming along.

"I don't live in New York. I was supposed to go and look at apartments."

"So where were you going to spend the night?" Kurt asked, hoping that Blaine had made plans for the night. Otherwise it would mean that he'd actually planned flinging himself off the bridge and it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing.

"Astoria hotel," Blaine replied, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

Kurt's eyes grew big. "Wow. Fancy. You can afford that?"

Blaine tensed. "Well, I wasn't going to jump because of money problems," he said snarkily.

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business how you afford your hotel," Kurt quickly apologized. "Anyway. I'll come with you."

Blaine let out a snort. "Because you want to spend the night in a fancy hotel?"

"No," it was Kurt's turn to let out a derisive snort. "Because I won't leave you alone tonight."

"Why do you care?" Blaine sighed in annoyance, reminding Kurt of a moody teenager.

"If someone had been about to jump right in front of you, you'd care, too," Kurt replied.

"I'd let the poor fellow make his own decisions. I'm sure he would have good reasons to jump."

They kept quiet for a while after that. Kurt would have given anything to know what Blaine was thinking. Did he hate Kurt for stopping him? Had Kurt been supposed to look the other way and let Blaine finish himself off? It was true that Kurt didn't know anything about Blaine and his decisions weren't his business. But turning his back wouldn't have felt right, after all Kurt would have had to live with the guilt of not saving a man he saw on the bridge. He just hoped Blaine wouldn't try to do it again tomorrow.

"I guess I owe you some thanks," Blaine finally spoke up again. "For saving my life."

"You don't owe me anything," Kurt muttered.

"Anyway, I'm okay now and you really don't have to come with me."

"You're just saying that to get rid of me and topple back to the bridge," Kurt said, tightening his scarf around his neck. "But we have a deal, remember? I promised I'd help you make sense of your life until your birthday. When is your birthday anyway?"

"In two weeks," Blaine replied.

"Two weeks?" Kurt repeated, his voice rising two octaves in shock. That wasn't enough time at all. How was he supposed to turn this stranger's life around in such a short amount of time?

Blaine shot him a grin. Kurt cleared his throat, embarrassed by his squeaky voice.

Finally they got to a more crowded part of town. There was more nightly traffic going on and surely they'd find a cab soon.

All of a sudden, Blaine turned to cross the road. He wasn't looking where he was going and a car honked angrily as it narrowly missed running him over. He barely registered the sound and kept on walking.

"Blaine!" Kurt called after him, terrified. "What are you doing?"

Blaine turned around, annoyed. "It was an accident, I promise. I didn't mean to almost get hit by a car. God!" He kept on walking.

Kurt knew then that he would have to follow him, no matter what. He pressed the pedestrian button for the lights to change, but they were too slow. Afraid he'd lose Blaine, Kurt waited for a gap in the traffic and ran across the road. Another car honked. Kurt hurried to catch up with Blaine and linked arms with him as a safety measure.

Blaine flinched at the touch and gave Kurt an inquiring look. Kurt tightened his grip in case Blaine put up a fight. "I'm not letting go of you," Kurt explained strictly. "Not only would it be mean of you to get killed right in front of me, but you'd also be causing some innocent driver the guilt of killing a stupidly reckless man."

"I told you, I'm fine."

"I don't think that you are," Kurt replied. "How could you be? Only a few moments ago you wanted to jump off a bridge."

Blaine looked away, blinking repeatedly as his eyes started filling with tears. Kurt could see them sparkling under the lamplight.

"I need to know that you're going to be okay," Kurt said a bit softer, clinging a bit closer to Blaine's arm in an effort to comfort him. "I can't just leave you. Have you thought about getting some help?"

"And how will talking about my problems fix anything? It won't change what's happening," he snapped.

"What is happening?" Kurt asked.

Blaine set his mouth to a thin line.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me. But are you at least relieved? That you didn't jump?"

"Sure, I regret going to the bridge, it was a big mistake," Blaine said.

Kurt smiled. "You see? That's good!"

"I should have gone up there," Blaine said, lifting his gaze to the sixteen-storey building in front of them.

"Very funny," Kurt growled, playfully swatting at Blaine's arm. But he shuddered as he looked up, too, and took in the impressive height. The thing was, he had no clue whether or not Blaine was joking.

"You can let go of me now," Blaine said as he moved on. "Before everyone thinks we're gay."

"Come on, this is New York," Kurt tsked. "Are you really worried about a label?" Kurt let go of him, but only because he'd spotted a cab and took a step closer to the curb to hail it.

They drove to the Astoria Hotel together in silence. Blaine paid the driver and gave him an extra twenty. "Please drop my companion off wherever he needs to go."

"Wait a minute," Kurt protested. "I said I won't leave you."

Blaine leaned back into the seat with a sigh. "Well, thank you. Again. For saving my life. Should I give you an awkward hug or shake your hand or... oh, I know-," he held up his hand in the air. Kurt rolled his eyes, refusing to give him a high-five.

Blaine got out of the cab and Kurt quickly scooted across the backseat after him.

"I should give you a gold star," Blaine said with a sigh, turning to face Kurt. "Or a badge. For your insistance."

"I'd really prefer not to leave you right now."

"My birthday is in two weeks," Blaine reminded him with a chuckle. "Not that much can change in two weeks, but I appreciate you lying for me."

"It's do-able," Kurt said, more confidently than he felt. He had been hoping for more time, an entire year tops, but if that's what he had to work with, it would have to suffice.

Blaine gave him an amused smile. "I'd rather be alone now."

"So you can kill yourself." Kurt stated.

"Can you keep your voice down?" Blaine hissed and glanced at the doorman in front of the Astoria. "Again, thank you," he said, with less gusto. Then, leaving Kurt on the pavement, he disappeared through the revolving doors. Kurt watched him cross the lobby, then he followed him in. Blaine was going to have a hard time shaking Kurt off.

Blaine stepped into the elevator and, waiting until the last possible moment before the doors closed, Kurt rushed forward and joined him. Blaine looked at him blankly, but didn't protest. They got out on the top floor and Kurt followed him to the penthouse suite named the Grace Kelly Suite.

As they entered the living room, Kurt could smell flowers. The door to the bedroom was open and Kurt could see a bed sprinkled with rose petals and a bottle of champagne sitting in a silver bucket at the end of the bed with two flutes criss-crossed.

Blaine glanced in at the bed, then away as if the very sight of it sickened him. He walked straight to the bureau and picked up a piece of paper.

Kurt followed him. "Is that your suicide note?"

Blaine winced. "Do you have to use that word?"

"What would you rather I say?"

" _Goodbye, Blaine, it was nice meeting you?_ " Blaine shrugged off his dark blue duffle coat and threw it over the back of the couch, then pulled off his black woollen hat and his gloves. He collapsed on the couch, exhausted, and stared into the real fire which was smouldering in the marble fireplace.

Kurt couldn't help but sneak glances. Now that he could see more of Blaine - his messy curls, the olive tone of his skin, his hands - he couldn't help noticing that the man was more than just handsome. He was beautiful. And he had an exquisite taste in clothing as well. Kurt was pleasantly surprised by the bright red bow-tie resting on the collar of the dark blue button down shirt. It was an item of accessory that Kurt was very fond of and that he hardly saw on gorgeous men anymore.

"Would you come and sit already?" Blaine ordered, annoyed that Kurt was just standing in the middle of the room.

Sitting down on the couch opposite him, Kurt slowly took off his coat, scarf and gloves and hoped the fire would thaw him out quickly. He felt intimidated by the luxury around him, he also felt like stepping into a dream. This whole night was surreal so far. It definitely wasn't going the way Kurt had expected his night to go.

"Can I read it?" Kurt motioned for the note still in Blaine's hand.

"No," Blaine moved it closer to his chest and folded it.

Kurt looked around at the set-up and tried to figure him out. "Were you expecting someone here tonight?"

"Of course," Blaine rolled his eyes. "I always arrange champagne and roses for cute guys who talk me off bridges."

Kurt blushed. Not because Blaine had called him cute, but because it was probably meant as an insult. Kurt knew that he wasn't very manly, he had fairly feminine features and his whole posture was probably giving his homosexuality away on first sight. But he figured he had no right to be offended by Blaine's offhanded remark. After all he had assaulted Blaine by following him against his will. Maybe Blaine felt intimidated or even threatened by the presence of a gay man.

To even things out, Kurt was intimidated by the luxury around him and he thought it might help to show Blaine that he was no threat by admitting that he felt uncomfortable and out of place, too. "I've never been in a hotel room like this before," he said with a nervous chuckle. "A night must cost a fortune."

"My family's kind of rich," Blaine explained with a shrug as if it was no big deal. Kurt instantly felt like a very little fish in the sea. For someone like him who had to turn around every penny, money was a big issue.

"When I was a kid I loved to play Oliver Twist with my brother, acting as if we were poor kids living on the streets, trying to survive in this cruel world." Blaine laughed, but there was no cheer in his voice.

"Must be nice not to have to worry about money," Kurt said with a tight-lipped smile.

"Oh, I do worry about money," Blaine countered. "I feel like my whole life's just about money and reputation and making an impression on all the other wealthy people to increase my family's fortune."

"Is that why you wanted to jump?" Kurt asked carefully. "To escape all of this pressure?"

"Nah, I just like to go for a midnight swim," Blaine snarled. "Nothing's as refreshing as a good crawl in the East River."

Kurt folded his hands neatly on his lap, watching him. Despite the jokes and self-assurance, Blaine was fidgeting. Kurt reckoned those jokes were the only thing stopping him from collapsing in a heap right there and then.

Blaine got up and made his way over to the TV unit, opening a cupboard below to reveal a mini-bar.

"I don't think alcohol is such a good idea."

"I might be getting a soft drink," Blaine gave a wounded look, and Kurt felt guilty. Blaine retrieved a Jack Daniel's and threw Kurt a cheeky look as he brought it back to the couch. Kurt didn't comment but noticed that as Blaine poured it into the glass his hands were trembling.

Kurt watched him for a while and then got one for himself, only he mixed his with a soft drink. He had made a pact with a man who tried to kill himself, then followed him to his hotel room, so why not get drunk with him too? Besides, Kurt was still freezing to his bones and needed something to help him get warm. He took a sip and it burned his throat all the way to his stomach.

"My girlfriend was supposed to meet me here," Blaine said, staring into his drink. "She had said that I hadn't been very attentive lately. Not present in her company, or whatever," he rubbed his face. "So I wanted to surprise her."

"You came to New York to rescue your relationship?" Kurt said, glad to finally be learning about him. "What happened?"

"She broke up with me over the phone."

"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry."

"Now that Tina left me, I don't have anything in my life that makes sense."

"Maybe you can still fix things with her? I could help you if you want me to. Sometimes a neutral mediator can be helpful."

Blaine looked up. "She's got another guy. It's complicated."

Kurt bit down on his lips. So Blaine's girlfriend Tina cheated on him. That complicated matters indeed. It was much more hurtful. "Maybe she still loves you," Kurt offered. "Maybe if you show her how much you still love her and want her back, she'll forget about this new guy."

"No, she never really loved me in the first place. It was more like a crush and I went along with it, because she was the only one who— Well, it's no use explaining."

"We have a long night ahead," Kurt encouraged. "I'm a good listener. Believe me. My best friend is a nonstop talker."

"My life is in pieces. You can't understand how I feel." Blaine turned his gaze into the fireplace again. "When Tina left me, I knew what I had to do."

"Attempt suicide?"

"Will you stop using that word?" Blaine growled angrily.

"That's what you tried to do, Blaine."

"And I'll do it again if you don't keep your side of the deal," he shouted.

His anger took Kurt by surprise. He shrank back into the cushions, staring at Blaine wide-eyed.

"Tina and I had an agreement, too," Blaine yelled, his face turning into a mask of tortured pain. "And she broke it. She knew what was on stake for me, but she doesn't care anymore." Blaine rubbed his face with one hand and sighed. "It'll be interesting to see how long your commitment will last."

"I said I'd help you find a purpose and I will," Kurt assured him. "I won't let you die if there's a way I can prevent it. I just- I can't- There's got to be something I can do." Kurt stared down at his hands and fought the panic that threatened to overcome him. He already felt the burden of the task he'd taken upon himself.

"People die. There's nothing you can do about it." Blaine got up and made his way to the glass door leading out on to a balcony.

Kurt was sure there was a lot more to Blaine's story than wanting to end his life because his girlfriend broke up with him. That was probably just the trigger to an already troubled mind, but it didn't seem the right time to probe. Blaine was tensing up again and they both were tired.

Trying to keep his own panic in check, Kurt started counting down on his fingers, a recent habit he had developed to stay focused. He tapped each finger of his left hand with the matching finger tips of the other hand, "One, two, three, four, five," he murmured under his breath and continued the same pattern tapping the fingers of his right hand with his left. "One, two, three, four, five."

But it didn't help much. Blaine's words were haunting him.

 _People die. There's nothing you can do about it._

Keeping his back to Kurt, Blaine said, "You can sleep in the bedroom, I'll take the couch."

Kurt opened his eyes as if awaking from trance and looked over to where Blaine was standing.

When Kurt didn't answer, he turned to face him. "I assume you want to stay."

"You don't mind?" Kurt was surprised. He had expected to have been kicked out by now.

Blaine thought about it. "I think it might be a good idea."

Then he turned back to look out over the city.

"Goodnight," Kurt said. He left the bedroom door ajar, not liking that Blaine was in the room with access to the balcony. He watched him through the gap as Blaine undid his bow-tie and lazily unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a tight black T-shirt beneath.

Kurt couldn't help but look a little longer than necessary, trying to convince himself that he was doing it for Blaine's safety in case he decided to step out on the balcony. Blaine took off his T-shirt next and let it drop on the floor, stretching his arms over his head.

"Enjoying the show?" Blaine asked with his back to the bedroom.

Cheeks blazing, Kurt moved away from the door. He sat on the four-poster bed, the glasses clinking, the melted ice in the bucket tipping over and spilling on the bed. He placed it on the desk and was reaching for a chocolate-coated strawberry when he noticed the notecard beside the display. It read, _For my beautiful fiancée, Love Blaine._

So he had come to New York to propose. Certain that he was only scratching the surface, Kurt resolved to get his hands on that suicide note.

 **Thank you for reading!**


	3. How To Calm One's Nerves

**Chapter 3 – How To Calm One's Nerves**

Kurt couldn't sleep. That wasn't unusual. He had practically been an insomniac for the last four months. That night as he lay awake in the penthouse of the Astoria, all his worries started to pile up again. On top of it now sat Blaine, whose surname he didn't even know yet, and who was lying in the next room beside a balcony with an impressive drop and who was waiting for Kurt to deliver on his promise of fixing his life before his birthday party in two weeks or else he'd attempt to kill himself again.

Feeling sick at the prospect, Kurt got out of bed and checked on him again.

The TV was muted and the program flickered through the room. Kurt could see Blaine's chest lifting up and down. This time Kurt didn't allow himself to stop and stare and quickly moved past him into the little kitchenette around the corner. All he could think of to quiet his mind was helping himself to a cup of camomile tea, so he flicked on the kettle and waited for the water to boil.

"Can't sleep?"

Kurt let out an embarrassing yelp and whipped around to find Blaine casually leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and his nicely formed biceps showing.

"I'm sorry," Blaine grimaced apologetically for startling Kurt.

"Do you always sneak up on people?" Kurt spread his fingers over his chest and tried to still his pounding heart. He took in the sight of Blaine, standing only in his boxer briefs before him, barefeet on the carpet.

"Sorry, next time I try to stomp around the place," Blaine said with a grin. For a moment they just listened to the kettle hissing and looked at each other. Kurt noticed the way Blaine adjusted his arms to hide his nipples from view, or maybe he was just imagining things.

Kurt shifted his weight from one foot to the other, growing nervous under Blaine's intense stare. He turned towards the cupboard and retrieved two mugs. "Do you care for tea?"

"Have you even tried to sleep?" Blaine asked, motioning towards Kurt who was still fully clothed except for his shoes.

"Obviously I didn't bring my pajamas," Kurt explained, and glancing over his shoulders he added, "And I'm not sleeping in the nude like some people."

"Hey, whom do you call naked? I'm wearing boxer shorts, as you can see." Blaine pointed with both hands towards his crotch. Kurt gaped at him, not sure if Blaine acted hot and stupid on purpose or if he was indeed clueless about the effect his body had on others, because Kurt was sure anybody would like to take Blaine up on such an obvious invite to drool all over him. He quickly busied himself pouring the hot water and turned his back on Blaine to hide his blush. "Boxer briefs you mean," he corrected.

"Well, I didn't bring my pajamas, either," Blaine murmured in a pout.

"I understand," Kurt replied, remembering the roses and bottle of champagne on the bed. "If the night had gone as planned, you wouldn't have needed them."

"Yeah, well," Blaine said, suddenly sounding uncertain.

Kurt took both mugs of tea and made to carry them into the living room. Blaine followed him to the couch and snagged his T-shirt from the floor to put it back on.

Kurt set the mugs down on the coffee table and sat on the couch opposite of Blaine's.

"So I guess we should make use of our insomnia. Why don't you start telling me about you?" Kurt suggested. "I need to get to know you to be able to... help you."

"Can I ask you something first?" Blaine sat on his make-shift bed and covered his legs with the blanket. Kurt was grateful for the cover, so he wouldn't be tempted to stare at Blaine.

"Yes, of course."

For a moment Blaine just stared at him, squinting his eyes and opening and closing his mouth like a fish as if not sure how to phrase his question. Kurt waited patiently and tilted his head. "You can ask me anything," he finally offered to get Blaine to speak.

Blaine scrunched up his face and licked his lips. "It's kind of personal," he said, apologizing in advance.

Kurt smiled gently. "I don't mind."

Blaine lifted a hand to scratch his neck, clearly uncomfortable. "Are you gay?"

Kurt blushed at this direct question. He wasn't ashamed or anything. But the question felt like an accusiation, like he had just followed Blaine to somehow take advantage of him. Although he still felt guilty about staring at him through the gap in the door, he wasn't going to get defensive now.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

Blaine seemed to ponder this and the stretching silence drove Kurt nuts. "Is that a problem for you?"

"No," Blaine said, sitting up. "I was just wondering-"

"Wondering what?" Kurt prompted.

"What's it like being a young gay man in New York these days?"

Kurt couldn't tell if the question was genuine or if he just wanted to hear some dirty gossip. Anyhow, the question was general enough for Kurt to give a general answer.

"It's okay. There are enough gay clubs and places one can go, but you can also go to regular clubs, because, you know, straight people don't mind mixing with the gays anymore. It's pretty much relaxed."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Kurt opened his mouth. Now the questions turned extremely personal. "I don't think my personal life is much interesting to you. Besides, we're here to talk about you."

"Well, excuse me, but I'd like to get to know the person who wants to change my life."

"Fair enough," Kurt finally said with a sigh. He pulled his feet up on the couch and tried to get more comfortable. He wasn't used to being interrogated about his personal life. "I don't have a boyfriend. But don't worry. I don't jump straight men."

Blaine kept a poker face, not letting on what he was thinking about his new gay aquaintance. "Have you ever tried _not_ being gay?"

Kurt's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"I mean, do you think it's possible to suppress the urge to, you know, be attracted to men?" Blaine asked. He seemed a bit awkward about phrasing the question, but the interest on the topic was genuine enough. It annoyed Kurt. He had dealt with a lot of homophobic jerks in his life time and he despised the ones who expected a scientific explanation on how gayness worked.

"Being gay isn't something you can turn on and off," Kurt explained with a snort. "It's not a choice of lifestyle, if that's what you're asking."

"No, that's not what I'm asking," Blaine replied, shaking his head.

Kurt grew irritated. He didn't understand why Blaine insisted on talking about his sexuality at two in the morning.

"I just thought maybe there was some sort of meditation or something to trick yourself into thinking that you weren't gay."

"Why would I want to do that?" Kurt asked, blinking in irritation.

"Just a thought," Blaine shrugged. "I imagine there are a lot of gay people out there that wish they weren't."

"You know, I think you shouldn't bother yourself with other people's problems," Kurt said, trying to keep his irritation out of his voice. "That's just deflection. You try to solve other people's problems and in the meantime avoid your own."

"I'm no good at solving anyone's problems, including my own." Blaine let out another humorless laugh. "I'm absolutely useless."

Kurt let out a sympathetic sigh. "I know the feeling very well, believe me," Kurt admitted. "There are a lot of situations that one can't handle or that are way over one's head. That's when you need to ask for help. It's hard, I know it. I like to be independent, too, but no one expects you to cope with everything on your own."

"I'm sick of advisers and consultants and, God beware, therapists," Blaine grumbled. "They don't want to help me, they all just want to get a piece of the cake."

"Just so you know it, I don't want anything from you," Kurt opened his arms and held his palms up. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I didn't get you off that bridge just to read in the papers tomorrow that you jumped off somewhere else."

"Just because you embraced me doesn't mean you need to feel responsible for me."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Embraced you?"

"On the bridge. The way you held me to keep me from- falling. Do you always get so close to strangers? Is it because you're gay?"

"No, I usually don't get that close to anyone," Kurt said, growing annoyed with the gay thing. "I don't even like hugs from my best friend. And I wasn't going to feel you up if that's what you're indicating. Homophobic much?"

"I'm not homophobic," Blaine instantly rejected the idea. "I'm just trying to figure you out, all right? You're a stranger in my home. For all I know you could knock me out while I sleep and run away with the silverware."

"This is a hotel room, not a home," Kurt retorted. "And you're the one trying to kill yourself, so why would you be afraid to be murdered? Besides, out of the two of us, you're obviously the one who goes to the gym. I'm sure you can protect yourself just fine."

"Not if you strangled me in my sleep." Blaine grinned at him. "I bet a man like you is very resourceful."

Kurt looked away quickly to avoid continuing to stare at Blaine's arms. He felt like Blaine was making fun of him. It was hard not taking it personally.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand why my being gay is so interesting to you," he snapped, but the moment the words left his mouth, he was struck by a realization. Incredulously, Kurt arched his brows at Blaine. "Wait, are you-?"

All of a sudden, Blaine got angry. "I was just being polite by showing some interest in you."

Kurt clutched his hands. He felt very stupid for assuming Blaine might be a closeted case. Here he was letting his wishful thinking take over again. This wasn't a fairy tale and he hadn't rescued a handsome prince who would ask for his hand in marriage. Where wishes and prayers were concerned Kurt knew those didn't work.

Blaine got up and marched over to the minibar to fetch himself a glass of something stronger than camomile tea. For a second Kurt was distracted by the sight of his perfect calves, but then he shook his head to gather his senses. "Please, don't," Kurt got up, too, before he could stop himself. "Alcohol's never a good idea and you've had enough already."

"I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you think," Blaine grumbled. "But as you can imagine I'm a little on edge lately and I need something to calm my nerves."

"All right, but no alcohol, please," Kurt said. "I know something else."

He got up to fetch his coat and Blaine's eyes got round as he watched him retrieve a little package from the inside pocket.

"Woah, if that's drugs I'm going to stop you right there," Blaine raised his hands demonstratively. "I don't want to have anything to do with it."

"Drugs? Really?" Kurt laughed. "You think I decline alcohol but do drugs?"

Kurt tossed the small package at Blaine and he caught it with one hand. He let out a chuckle and ran a hand down his face as he recognized it.

"A deck of cards?" Blaine was grinning again, and Kurt found that he grew to enjoy that cheeky smirk. It made Blaine look way younger than he was. "You just carry them around with you?"

"They're like a talisman," Kurt explained with a shrug.

"You must like playing quite a lot."

"It's a habit I took over from my-" Kurt's voice hitched and he cleared his throat to be able to go on. "My dad. He taught me to play. It started as a nervous habit, you know, shuffling cards just to occupy the hands. I found that focusing on a game helps me a lot to forget other stuff for the moment."

"Sounds like you have a good relationship to your old man," Blaine observed. He got the cards out of their paper box and looked the cards over. They were worn and old, like they had been used a lot.

"All right. Let's play." Blaine sat down in front of the fire, their only light source.

"On the floor?" Kurt asked, staring at the way Blaine sat Indian style.

"Why not?"

Kurt slowly dropped on the floor opposite of Blaine. It was warm next to the fire and on the thick carpet. He rolled up his sleeves and watched Blaine shuffle and share out the cards. Once again he couldn't help himself staring at Blaine's face, the young man was dreamily beautiful in the flickering light of the fire.

This whole night felt like a dream to Kurt. Only a few hours ago instead of claiming a life the East River had offered the opportunity to save one. No matter how irritating and arrogant Blaine might be on first impression, he was too beautiful to die. Kurt wouldn't mind all the gay jokes on him if he could just continue to admire the other man's face.

"What does your dad think of you being gay?"

Kurt took a deep breath, caught off guard by the question. "When I was a teenager I was afraid to come out to my dad. I was afraid he'd stop loving me-" a hitch in his voice made him stutter and Kurt clenched his hands in his lap, fighting to continue. "But he was okay with it. I've been out and proud ever since." He sorted the cards in his hands. Kurt liked the touch of the familiar set of cards in his hands. It gave him some comfort and the illusion of control when he so clearly was out of his element.

"Well, I guess being gay in New York isn't a big deal," Blaine muttered, staring at the cards in his hands.

"I grew up in Ohio," Kurt explained. "I've only lived in New York for three years."

"I'm from Ohio, too," Blaine said looking up, clearly surprised.

"Really?" Kurt said. "Which town?"

"Westerville. I went to Dalton Academy."

"Dalton? I remember their glee club, the Warblers. We met at a few competitions."

"Oh, my God, you were with the New Directions, weren't you?" Blaine suddenly beamed at him.

Kurt was baffled. "You were a Warbler?"

"Gosh, I knew you looked familiar. I've seen you performing!"

"Wow, really? I'm not sure I remember you. In your uniforms you all looked the same to me."

Blaine gave him a hurt look. "I was the lead singer."

"That was you?" Kurt smiled broadly. "Oh, gosh, he was dashing. And so incredibly talented. That's really you? You looked different back then. You had your hair plastered to your head, right?"

Blaine chuckled and bowed his head. "Yeah, I was addicted to hair gel at the time. Tina helped free my curls."

"Good thing you met her."

"You know, Tina was a member of the New Directions, too."

Kurt was stunned. "Your girlfriend is Tina Cohen-Chang?"

"Was. She dumped me, remember? We met at college," Blaine explained.

"I have to admit I lost touch with her after graduation."

"It's a small world," Blaine remarked, looking at Kurt in an odd way that Kurt couldn't read. "So you're from Lima, too, I take it? Just like Tina?"

"Yes, I grew up in Lima. I had a hard time being the only openly gay kid at high school," Kurt explained. "I got harrassed pretty much every day. But going back into the closet has never been an option for me. I'm proud to be different, it's the best thing about me."

"That takes a lot of courage," Blaine commented. "To be who you are."

Kurt just shrugged. He didn't think there was anything special about himself and, yes, surviving in high school had definitely taken a toll on him, but he wasn't sure if his endurance could be marked as courageous.

Still, Kurt relented into talking about himself. It seemed to have a relaxing effect on Blaine to listen to Kurt talking. For the time being, Kurt allowed Blaine this luxury and tried to sneak as much information out of him as he could. You could learn a lot about a person from his questions or the reaction to certain topics. And what harm could be done in revealing a little something about himself?

They concentrated on the game. Kurt was good at it, beating Blaine twice.

"Another one," Blaine demanded. "Three time's the charm."

Blaine was a good-humored loser, joking around, and the awkwardness between them went away. Kurt relaxed and felt like this could work. He could help Blaine. This rich kid wasn't half bad. He was funny and charming even. Kurt considered letting him win the third game, but then decided against it. No cheating, not even to let the other win.

"I lose again," Blaine said, throwing his cards on the carpet between them and grinning as if he were the winner. "Do you know how many ass-kissers I deal with every day? It's nice to meet someone who's not changing his game just to please me. I like that, Kurt."

"Well, I'm here to help you," Kurt said with a shrug, collecting the cards to stack them together. "And I'm not going to do that by pretending as if the world was a place of kittens and rainbows instead of the challenging junkyard it really is. The trick is to find yourself a treasure in between all the junk. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Don't worry, I'm not going to make you dig around in a junkyard."

They laughed and something changed. Blaine's face mellowed into something wonderfully and surprisingly honest. Kurt couldn't look away; the way Blaine gazed at him had Kurt mesmerized.

"I think I've found my treasure," Blaine murmured and then out of nowhere Blaine crawled forward, closing in on Kurt and put a warm hand on Kurt's cheek.

Kurt was too perplexed to react when Blaine kissed him. It was a soft testing-the-waters kind of kiss, lingering for a moment before Blaine pulled back and their lips parted with a smacking sound.

Blaine looked him straight in the eyes and Kurt melted, pushing all the up-coming questions to the back of his mind.

Blaine kissed him again, this time more determindedly.

Kurt's heart rate increased as did his breathing. Blaine's hand slipped to the back of Kurt's neck to keep him in place as he deepened the kiss and dipped Kurt so he could be all over him.

Lying on his back, Kurt kissed him back. While his mind demanded an explanation for what was happening, Kurt's body simply surrendered. It was the best kiss he'd ever had, and yet it was too much. Blaine was hungry, acting on raw desire. Like a starving man falling over the first piece of meat he's been offered.

Suddenly Blaine broke the kiss. "Oh, my God, is that a piercing?" Blaine looked at Kurt with new-found awe.

"It's a tongue stud, yes," Kurt confirmed, panting.

Blaine was stunned. "That's so brave! And rebellious! I wish I had the guts for something like that. I feel like I'm so set in my ways, it wouldn't even cross my mind to do something like that."

"Believe me, apart from the piercing I'm completely boring, and the piercing was more a necessity than a rebellious act," Kurt said.

Blaine looked at him inquiringly. "How so?"

Kurt licked his lips and looked away, into the fire. He felt uncomfortable with the way Blaine looked at him as if he was a rare gem he'd found on his carpet

"I was in a dark space and I needed to be shocked back to life and believe me, there's something about having a metal stud go through your tongue that does the trick." Kurt chuckled.

"I didn't know that a tongue stud feels so great," Blaine said in a low voice, still so close, and Kurt knew that Blaine wanted to resume their kissing. When Kurt kept his face turned away, Blaine set a line of kisses on Kurt's jaw and down his neck. Kurt shivered beneath him. He wanted to stop Blaine, but he was mesmerized by the sensation of the man's hot mouth on his skin. It was just when Blaine began pawing at him that Kurt caught his hands and looked up. "Time out. Please. What's happening here?"

He still lay on the floor, feeling like they'd skipped the part where Blaine would explain why he was kissing him.

"Let's not ask questions," Blaine was still hovering over him, one hand on Kurt's stomach, his fingers slipping under the shirt. Blaine dipped in for another kiss, but Kurt pushed him gently off.

"But I _am_ asking," Kurt stammered and sat up, keeping Blaine at bay. "I'm not-" Kurt struggled to find the right words. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean-"

He was so utterly confused. Did this mean Blaine was gay after all? And if he was, did he really think Kurt would be at his service, just because it was convenient?

"You can't just grab someone and kiss them," Kurt said, touching his lips that were still tingling from the forceful way Blaine had attacked them. "If you're looking for- I mean, there are clubs you can go where you can meet guys for that."

Blaine sat back on his heels and raked a hand through his unruly hair. "I'm sorry, I got carried away."

Kurt watched him carefully. "Does this mean you're-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Blaine got to his feet, resolution in his voice. "I think we should try to get some sleep."

"Fine." Kurt wanted to point out that Blaine had to trust him and be honest with him if this was to work. But he slowly got up as well and dusted off his wrinkled clothes.

Kurt could see that Blaine was embarrassed, he avoided eye contact and was quick back on the couch, covering himself with the blanket. Kurt retreated into the bedroom. Figuring he had to wear the same clothes the next day, he decided to strip to his underwear after all and slipped underneath the covers. But as hard as it was finding sleep before, now it was impossible. That kiss was still tingling on his lips and the heat of Blaine's body upon his own.

Kurt knew a thing or two about one night stands with strangers and he knew that if he'd let Blaine have his way, it would be impossible to maintain a friendship. So to be able to help Blaine find a reason to go on, fast love was off the table. If he had to get his sexual needs out of his system, Kurt knew just the place where Blaine could find an easy hook-up.

Still, Kurt allowed himself to dream, and in his mind he repeated that kiss over and over again. Although it wasn't more than a sweet fantasy.


	4. How To Sing Your Heart Out

**Chapter 4 – How To Sing Your Heart Out**

He must have fallen asleep eventually, because when he woke up, Kurt was seriously disorientated. He found himself in an enormous bed with silken linen and the softest pillows he'd ever laid his head on. The bedroom was so big his whole apartment could fit into it. The late November sun shone through floor-to-ceiling windows with a breathtaking view over Manhattan.

It all came back to him in a second. The cold night on the bridge, holding on to a stranger, their weird conversations in front of the fire, the kiss.

Kurt quickly got out of the bed, opened the bedroom door and stopped dead in the living room area. The couch was empty, Blaine was nowhere to be seen. The glass door out to the balcony was open. Kurt felt his heart drop to his stomach.

"Blaine?" he called out and ran out onto the balcony. He looked over the balustrade to check the street fifteen stories down. "Blaine!" There was no sight of him, luckily, but it didn't reduce Kurt's worry. What if Blaine had snuck out while Kurt was sleeping? What if he was on his way to the bridge again? What if-

"Stop shouting," a voice said behind him and Kurt whipped around to find Blaine standing in the glass door, giving him a funny look. "You didn't actually think you'd find me splattered on the pavement, did you?"

Kurt didn't answer, he needed his breath to calm down his nerves. His pulse was pumping high speed through his body. It was only when Blaine was checking him out that Kurt became self-conscious. This time it was he who was stripped to his boxer shorts and Blaine who was dressed.

With his head down and face burning, Kurt went past Blaine back into the bedroom.

"Is that a tattoo?" Blaine's incredulous yet amazed voice followed him. "Can I see?"

Kurt stifled a sigh and stopped in his tracks, a silent invitation for closer inspection. Blaine stepped behind him and let his finger trace along the line of words on Kurt's left shoulder blade. " _It's got Bette Midler?_ What does it mean?"

"It's kind of personal," Kurt replied, a shiver running down his spine at Blaine's proximity.

"It doesn't make any sense," Blaine replied skeptically.

"Believe me, it makes perfect sense," Kurt gave him a tiny smile over his shoulder and retreated into the bedroom to get dressed.

"What are your plans for today?" Blaine asked casually when Kurt came back into the room.

"I'd like to drop by my apartment to change my clothes," Kurt started. "Then we could go somewhere for coffee and talk. You need to tell me everything that's bothering you or else this can't work."

"So you really mean it? That you're going to stick by my side for the next two weeks?" Blaine asked, sounding surprised and a bit uneasy.

"Yes, I mean it."

"What about work? Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Right, yes. I can take some personal days. Or you can come with me, if you don't mind."

"Depends on what you do," Blaine said, narrowing his eyes.

"I'll tell you over coffee."

* * *

Coming back to his shared apartment with Rachel was like stepping out of a dream. Kurt was a bit embarrassed of the mismatchedensemble of second hand furniture from street sales and the colorful mix of Rachel's and his different taste of decoration. Kurt was relieved that Rachel was already out, so he didn't have to explain to her where he had spent the night and who Blaine was.

Blaine looked around curiously while Kurt quickly changed in his bedroom that was separated from the rest of the apartment by a simple curtain. He had considered asking Blaine to wait downstairs, but he didn't want to risk letting him out of his sight. When he finally got out from behind the curtain he caught Blaine inspecting Rachel's and his record collection.

"Found something you like?" Kurt asked, coming over.

Blaine turned to him and upon seeing Kurt he smiled that drop dead gorgeous smile again that set Kurt's heart aflutter. Instantly Kurt became self-conscious and he made sure his shirt was properly tucked in. He wore a black tight jeans, boots and a turquoise long-sleeved button-down. He had decided it was time for bold colors again, he couldn't walk around all gray and black when he wanted to lift Blaine's spirits.

"All of it," Blaine said, motioning for the record collection. "Some of them I haven't heard in years, but reading the titles brings back so many memories."

"Good memories, I hope."

"Yes, definitely. Reminds me of how much I loved to sing."

Kurt smiled broadly at him. "Fantastic. I have a feeling you'll love coming with me to work later."

"You still haven't told me what it is you do."

"Well, nothing that brings me a lot of money as you can see from my very humble abode. I work several jobs to get by."

Blaine raised his brows. "Several jobs? As in more than one?"

"Yes. It's not easy earning a living in New York. For one, I work lunch hours at a diner as a waiter during the week."

"A waiter?" Blaine asked, somewhat incredulously. Kurt didn't know how to take it. His baffled reaction clearly wasn't a compliment.

"It's a good job. Actually, it's the job that pays most of my bills." Kurt grabbed his coat and motioned for the door. He didn't want Prince Blaine in his tiny apartment for longer than necessary.

"I'm not judging," Blaine said, probably sensing that his reaction had hit a sore spot. "I just can't imagine you juggling trays with food. I mean, if I had to guess I'd see you in the model business."

"Why would you say that?" It was Kurt's turn to stare incredulously.

"For obvious reasons," Blaine hinted.

Kurt was flabbergasted. "What are you talking about?"

"You're stunning," Blaine said in all seriousness. "Don't tell me no one has ever said that to you before?"

"No," Kurt laughed quickly.

"Even your laugh is beautiful," Blaine said all sincere, but Kurt couldn't believe it.

"You're pulling my leg. It's not funny." Kurt put his coat on, the smile and the laugh gone.

"I'm not," Blaine insisted. "You happen to be the most gorgeous man I've ever seen and so I thought you might be a model," Blaine explained rationally.

Kurt looked at him skeptically and a little embarrassed, as he tried to figure out whether Blaine was joking. "We should get going."

They took the subway for a few stations into town and Blaine was fascinated with everything, from buying tickets to looking for clean seats in the compartment. "I take it you haven't taken the sub yet," Kurt commented with a grin, holding on to a handle above his head. He was very picky about choosing seats and although there were free ones, he'd decided to stand. Blaine stood next to him, holding on to a pole close to Kurt and watching their fellow travelers suspiciously. "I'd rather take a cab," he admitted.

"I take cabs at night, too," Kurt explained. "But in the daytime the sub is cheaper."

At a jolty halt, Kurt inadvertently bumped into Blaine.

Blaine reached out to steady Kurt by wrapping his arm around his waist. "I can see the attraction," he said with a grin.

Kurt blushed and stepped back. "People might think we're gay," Kurt said sarcastically, before he could stop himself.

"You're angry at me," Blaine observed.

"No. Not angry," Kurt shook his head and kept his voice low. "Just confused. You have some explaining to do, Mister- See? I don't even know your last name."

"I don't know yours, either," Blaine retorted.

"Right," Kurt mellowed. "You're right. I'm sorry." He held out his gloved hand for Blaine to shake. "Kurt Hummel."

Blaine let go of the pole to take Kurt's hand. "Anderson. _Blaine_ Anderson," he introduced himself in proper Bond-ish style, with British accent and all.

Kurt couldn't help grinning like a fool. "You're an idiot," he said affectionately and Blaine grinned from ear to ear.

The train came to another bumpy halt and this time Blaine fell into Kurt who caught him. "I got you," he murmured and locked eyes with the slightly smaller man. Blaine embraced him with both arms and held on to him and the proximity was too intimate and at the same time not close enough. Kurt wanted to point out again that they could be mistaken for a gay couple, but he didn't really care. It was just one more station anyway.

Outside the subway station Blaine kept a wide distance to Kurt again, no accidentally bumping possible. Kurt walked around the block in long strides, checking his watch every minute.

"Here we are," he said, pulling open the door to a diner.

"The Spotlight Diner? I've heard of this place," Blaine said, walking in. "Isn't this the place with the singing waiters?"

"It is. I'm one of them," Kurt said, and guiltily added, "And I'm already late for my shift. Please bear with me and spend the next hours here. Coffee's on me."

"Didn't you say you work lunch hours?" Blaine recalled.

"Yes, but I took over the shift of one of my co-workers for the week, so I work breakfast shift, too. Take a seat at the bar, so we can talk." Kurt hurried across the room and a man's voice boomed out from the backroom. "Hummel, you're late! You know I don't tolerate tardiness! Especially not on Mondays."

"I'm sorry, sir, won't happen again," Kurt called back and disappeared behind a door.

Blaine took a seat on a bar stool and glanced around. The diner looked very appealing and seemed to be very popular. There were pretty waitresses dancing around the tables in red mini-skirts and white aprons. Blaine wondered if Kurt had to wear a uniform, too. He didn't have to wonder for long. Kurt returned only a minute later, having changed into a short-sleeved black shirt with a red collar and a red name tag, as well as a black apron around his waist, still wearing his skinny black jeans. He took over the bar and started work by cleaning a stack of menus with a rag.

"I like your uniform," Blaine said, smiling.

"Yeah, right," Kurt snorted. "It's not exactly _haute_ _couture._ "

Blaine wanted to say a compliment, but Kurt went right on. "Listen, we should make plans for you," Kurt suggested. "Like, you said you were looking for an apartment in New York. Is that still an option? Do you want to stay in New York? Then we should go and look at places for you to live."

"Do you really sing here, too?" Blaine asked, ignoring Kurt's idea for the moment.

Kurt refrained from rolling his eyes. Blaine was impossible to talk to.

"Yes, I do," Kurt answered. "Mostly we do birthday songs on demand, but also every other song. The tipping is great, as you can imagine. That's why I really can't lose this job. But if you get bored, I can call in a favor and we can leave-"

"I have a song wish," Blaine cut in, and Kurt stopped in his movements and stared at him.

"Don't make fun of me."

"No, really, how does this work?" Blaine asked. "Do I order a song along with a cup of coffee? Or do I have to put a coin in the jukebox?"

Kurt licked his lips and resumed wiping at the menus. "You really want me to sing?"

"Why not?" Blaine asked, grinning. "You said I'd have fun at your job."

"I actually meant my other job by that."

"Really? Now I'm curious," Blaine said, intrigued. "Because I already like this job of yours."

Kurt gave him a strained smile. "How about you tell me what you do for livelihood?"

"No, first you tell me what your other jobs are," Blaine insisted.

"Blaine, you're deflecting again," Kurt sighed. "You haven't told me a thing about you yet. How am I supposed to help you if you don't trust me?"

"I'll tell you everything, but not in a public place," Blaine replied.

"Fair enough," Kurt allowed. "But we have to start somewhere."

"How about we start with a song?" Blaine suggested with an innocent smile.

Kurt smiled back at him. His begging was irresistably cute. "All right," he agreed. "One song."

"Great," Blaine clapped his hands together eagerly. "How does this work?"

"We'll ask the band if they know the song and then the show is on," Kurt explained with a one sided shrug. "By the way, our girls have great voices. They can sing anything for you."

"No, I want _you_ to sing," Blaine insisted.

"Okay," Kurt sighed. "But you should know that I'm a countertenor and I can't do every song."

"Can you do Billy Joel?" Blaine asked with mischief in his eyes.

"I guess Billy Joel should be fine," Kurt said, wondering which particular song Blaine had in mind. He left the bar to ask the band if they knew Billy Joel songs.

"Wait, I'll come with you." Blaine shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around his barstool. He wore a black short-sleeved button down, a red-green checkered bow-tie and red trousers. He polished his sunglasses on the hem of his shirt, lifting it up enough to give Kurt a peek at the bottom half of the well-muscled stomach that Kurt had seen before and the enticing trail of dark hair disappearing into his jeans.

Again Kurt had no clue if Blaine was acting intentionally seductive or cluelessly so. Kurt decidedly looked away. Blaine hooked the glasses on the loop of his belt and followed Kurt towards the stage.

The musicians were playing idle background music and looked up at the prospect of getting to play something fun. "Please, not another Happy Birthday To You," the keyboarder pleaded.

"No, it's something from Billy Joel," Kurt explained, looking at Blaine. "Which song will it be?"

"The Longest Time," Blaine said excitedly and the band nodded. They knew the song. Kurt gave Blaine a blank stare. "You want me to sing The Longest Time for you?" he asked, deadpanned.

"Yeah," Blaine said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Can I ask why?" Kurt inquired, narrowing his eyes. "Does this song have special meaning to you?"

"It just feels right," Blaine explained with a shrug.

Kurt dropped his apron on an empty chair and went to the middle of the stage, taking the microphone. Blaine remained standing at the side, watching him like an eager puppy. Kurt couldn't figure out what Blaine's deal was.

"Hello everyone and welcome to the Spotlight Diner. My name is Kurt Hummel and this is a request from a new customer. Enjoy some Billy Joel while you enjoy your bacon and eggs."

The band started playing a steady rhythm and the audience began clapping along. At least Blaine's chosen song was a happy tune, which Kurt was thankful for.

"If you said goodbye to me tonight  
There would still be music left to write  
What else could I do  
I'm so inspired by you  
That hasn't happened for the longest time."

To Kurt's surprise, Blaine entered the stage next to him and took over the microphone for the second verse.

"Once I thought my innocence was gone  
Now I know that happiness goes on  
That's where you found me  
When you put your arms around me  
I haven't been there for the longest time."

Kurt was perplexed by Blaine's singing voice. He was stunning for a guy who claimed he hadn't sung for years. He was a good performer, too. Kurt could tell Blaine loved the stage. What Kurt couldn't tell was why Blaine had picked this song. He couldn't believe that this was just a random song to Blaine. Not the way Blaine put emphasis on the words and looked just at Kurt the whole time he was singing. Kurt tried not to be wooed when they sang the chorus together.

"Oh, oh, oh  
For the longest time  
Oh, oh, oh  
For the longest time  
And the greatest miracle of all  
Is how I need you  
And how you needed me too  
That hasn't happened for the longest time."

Kurt was wondering if Blaine had planned for this to be a duet or if he had joined him on stage out of a whim. Their voices went well together and they fell into an easy choreography that looked as if they had rehearsed this thing. Kurt took up another verse without Blaine.

"Maybe this won't last very long  
But you feel so right  
And I could be wrong  
Maybe I've been hoping too hard  
But I've gone this far  
And it's more than I hoped for."

Blaine took over again, his eyes only on Kurt as he sang.

"Who knows how much further we'll go on  
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone  
I'll take my chances  
I forgot how nice romance is  
I haven't been there for the longest time."

Kurt resumed singing, but Blaine didn't stop, so they sang the next verse together. However, Kurt's heart wasn't fully in it anymore. He felt silly singing a love song to someone he'd just met.

"I had second thoughts at the start  
I said to myself  
Hold on to your heart  
Now I know the man that you are  
You're wonderful so far  
And it's more than I hoped for."

Kurt stopped singing altogether. He just stood and stared at Blaine. This was ridiculous. Blaine couldn't be serious, and yet here he was, belting the next lines out as if his heart was on the line.

"I don't care what consequence it brings  
I have been a fool for lesser things  
I want you so bad  
I think you ought to know that  
I intend to hold you for the longest time!"

Kurt blushed at the suggestive lines. They made him think of last night, when Blaine had kissed him so passionately as if he wanted to swallow him in one piece.

The song ended with a few oh's and ah's and Kurt joined back in to finish it off.

"Oh, oh, oh  
For the longest time  
Oh, oh, oh  
For the longest time!"

The audience applauded and Blaine took a bow. Kurt quickly bowed as well. Then he rushed off stage and back behind the bar, cheeks aflame.

Blaine was flushed, too, and in high spirits. "This was fun! Gosh, I forgot how amazing it can be!"

"Glad you enjoyed yourself so much," Kurt muttered, busying himself with folding napkins.

"Our voices are so good together," Blaine beamed. "Don't you think?"

Kurt looked up and stared at him for a moment, trying to keep his emotions in track, but to no avail.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this." Kurt bolted. He ran into the backroom and left Blaine standing at the bar.

Blaine stared after Kurt, completely dumbfounded. Where had things gone wrong? He had really enjoyed himself and God knew it had been a long time since Blaine had had so much fun, just like the song expressed his feelings. He had thought it had been mutual, so why was Kurt upset all of a sudden?

Blaine shifted his feet, watching the swing door to the backrooms, but Kurt didn't come out again. Instead one of the waitresses came out and Blaine overheard her talking to her co-worker.

"Kurt locked himself into the changing room."

"Why? What's going on with him?" the second inquired.

"I don't know, but it doesn't look like he's coming out soon," the first murmured and whisked her fingers down her face to indicate that Kurt was crying.

Blaine couldn't stay still any longer. He had to know why Kurt was upset over singing a song with him. He felt a bit guilty. It had been a love song after all and maybe he was head over heels with this, but Blaine had a feeling that he should follow his heart rather than his brain for once. If not, he might as well get back to that bridge.

Cursing under his breath, he snuck into the backroom and found the staff changing room. He put his ear on the door and could hear someone sobbing. He knew the sound too well. It was the same heartbreaking way that Kurt had cried last night on the bridge.

"Fuck," Blaine muttered to himself. He raised his hand to knock and had to gather all his courage to do so.

"Give me a minute," Kurt called out, his voice thick with emotion.

"Kurt? It's me," Blaine said, feeling confused and utterly useless. "Can I come in?"

It was a moment before Kurt answered and his voice was a little bit clearer now. "Get a coffee, Blaine. I'll be with you in a minute."

"No, please, let me in," Blaine begged. "We should talk."

" _Now_ you want to talk?" Kurt laughed, but it was a bitter sound.

Blaine felt so bad. He knew he hadn't been fair to Kurt, the guy who had saved his life last night and felt committed enough to stay by his side. Kurt was right, Blaine hadn't intended to let Kurt in. Just like he had never let anyone in before, not even Tina. But the more he saw of Kurt, the more he felt secure around him and he felt his walls coming down. Although it was scary, Blaine realized that he wanted someone to look behind the walls and see him.

He just wasn't sure yet if he was ready to invite somebody in all the way.

"Why are you upset?" Blaine asked with his forehead against the door and his hand grasping the handle.

Without a warning, Kurt turned the key and opened the door wide enough to let Blaine come in. Blaine stumbled inside and closed the door behind him. He found himself inside a small room with a row of lockers and a narrow bench. Kurt sat down on the far end of the bench and Blaine settled in the middle, facing Kurt. He wanted to say something, but found that his voice was caught in his throat. Seeing Kurt fighting tears was too hard to handle.

Last night Blaine had thought it was weird that a stranger would cry over him, but now he knew it was his fault that Kurt was crying again. He just didn't know where he went wrong.

"Don't play games with me, Blaine," Kurt finally spoke up, dabbing his eyes and nose with a tissue. "I get it. You're punishing me, because I dared to ask personal questions. You don't want me to snoop into your life, that's fine. We can go separate ways if you insist. But the way you're messing with me is cruel." Kurt turned his head as fresh tears spilled over and he covered his face with a hand.

"I'm not-" Blaine started.

"I promised you I'd be here for you," Kurt spoke over him. "But if you think this is all just a game, then that's a deal breaker and I won't have you make fun of me."

"I wasn't making fun of you, I swear," Blaine defended himself, helplessly trying to figure out what went wrong. "I don't understand why you'd think this was a joke for me?"

"What am I supposed to think? Yesterday you were all like, _don't touch me, I could be mistaken for a gay_ _guy,_ and today you're singing flirty duets with me in front of an audience? Not to mention that you ki- you- you called me beautiful. I feel like you want me to develop a crush on you and then you'll laugh in my face for being so foolish to think that someone like you could ever have feelings for someone like me."

"That wasn't my intention at all," Blaine said, staring at Kurt incredulously. "If you're having self-esteem issues that's hardly my fault. I just love that song and it felt like the right song to express how, well, how you make me feel. I know this is crazy, but I think you're a great guy and I'm grateful for what you're doing for me."

"We've only known each other for a day," Kurt argued. "You don't know me at all."

"That's right," Blaine agreed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "We don't know each other. You don't know a thing about me. So what do you mean by saying, _someone like_ me?"

Kurt sniffed and balled up the tissue in his hand. "How about a rich, handsome, straight _jerk_?"

Blaine nodded slowly and pursed his lips. "Judgmental much?"

"I'm sorry," Kurt murmured. "I guess it's not your fault that you're rich. And handsome. And straight."

Blaine chuckled and his brandmark smile reappeared. "No, by all means, don't apologize," Blaine said, raising his hands. "I know I have been a total jerk to you last night. Sometimes I don't think about how I affect others with my actions or how much my _decision_ would hurt other people, even strangers who just happen to be on the same bridge. I guess I was trying to get rid of you at first. But then-" Blaine sighed and rubbed his hands up and down his jeans. "There was just something about you- I don't know. Your persistence, maybe. I liked that you wouldn't let me shake you off."

Kurt stood to take a look in the mirror and sighed at the sight of his blotchy face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you and make silly accusations," Kurt apologized. "I'm usually not such a crybaby. But you're not the only one who's having problems. I'm having a rough time myself and I guess I've become oversensitive."

"Tell me about your troubles," Blaine offered with a shrug. "Maybe I can help you."

"Oh no, it's my part of the deal to help _you_ find a purpose in life and not to dump all my problems on you," Kurt declined. He opened a locker and got a bottle of hairspray out, using it lavishly.

"Maybe I should just leave," Blaine suggested with a cough and covered his nose and mouth with his sleeve. "Obviously I'm just one more problem on your list." He got up and turned to the door.

"No! Don't leave!" Kurt instantly reached out and grasped Blaine's arm. "I didn't mean to sound like you're a bother to me."

It wasn't just words, Blaine could tell by the look in Kurt's eyes that he was panicked by the prospect of Blaine leaving. They were standing close together with Kurt's hand clutching Blaine's forearm. Blaine still didn't know why Kurt was so upset, but his intentions to help were true and that was something Blaine hadn't come across for a long time.

"Please, stay," Kurt said in a low voice, pleading with his eyes. Again, Blaine had the feeling their deal meant more to Kurt than it did to him.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you by choosing that song," Blaine apologized. "I enjoyed our duet. I haven't done this in a long time." Blaine shuffled his feet, closing the little distance between them even more. His arm was burning underneath Kurt's touch and his eyes were fixated on the smooth curve of Kurt's mouth. "What can I say? I feel bold in your presence."

He looked up and deep into Kurt's eyes with a longing that had Kurt's heart beat faster.

"Well, I hope you remember that bold feeling when we're meeting your family," Kurt said, letting go of Blaine to put the hairspray back into his locker and inspecting himself once more in the mirror.

"My family?" Blaine went ashen.

"Yes, your family. They need to know about what you're going through," Kurt turned around to face him again. "They need to know you. The _real_ you. Whoever that is."

"No. They can't ever know about me." Blaine shook his head fiercely.

"Then you'll never be free and you'll end up on that bridge again," Kurt prophesized dramatically. "Didn't you just sing about it? _I don't care what consequence it brings._ "

"No, I'm not ready for that," Blaine backed off. "No one can know about _anything_ you find out about me."

"Well, it doesn't have to be today," Kurt allowed grudgingly. "But eventually it's a step you need to take. And you better start confiding in me, because I'm on a deadline here and I can't help you if you don't trust me."

Kurt stepped out into the little hallway again and went back into the diner.

Blaine remained in the dressing room for a moment longer, checking himself in the mirror, too, and wondering what kind of deal he had gotten himself into.

When he went out into the diner again, Kurt eyed him cautiously as if ready to follow him in case Blaine made a beeline for the door, but Blaine sat down at the bar and gave Kurt a thin smile. Kurt smiled back, relieved, and put a cup of coffee in front of him as well as a plate with a huge piece of cheese cake.

Blaine accepted the coffee gladly, but pushed the cake back. "Thanks, but I don't eat cake for breakfast."

Kurt pushed the plate back towards Blaine. "Here's one thing you should know about me: Cheese cake is my comfort food. Since I'm not allowed to eat anything while working you have to be my dummy." With this said, Kurt forked a huge chunk of cheese cake and stuffed it quickly into his mouth while his boss wasn't looking.

Blaine covered his grin with his hand. "Anything to make you happy," he said jokingly, but as the words left his mouth he found them to be surprisingly true. He had known Kurt only for a day, but he liked to see a smile on his pretty face and had a feeling it was a precious sight.

The next few hours as Blaine watched Kurt work and listened to the girls sing a few more customers' requests, Blaine found that he liked hanging out at the Spotlight Diner. Whenever Kurt had a minute to spare they would chat over the counter and Blaine couldn't stop watching Kurt's lips move and he felt all giddy inside whenever he caught a glimpse of the tongue stud.

It was silly, it was juvenile, and yet Blaine felt like he needed to get to know this person who would act on a whim, not afraid to show and feel his emotions and cry for a stranger. This person who said "Please, stay" so heartfelt and meaningful that it made Blaine feel welcome and cared about. It had only been one day, but Blaine already felt like he had meet Kurt for a reason.

* * *

 **Song in this chapter:**

 **The Longest Time – Billy Joel**


	5. How To Act Like You're Happy

**Chapter 5 – How To Act Like You're Happy**

"What's the rush?" Blaine asked when they left the Spotlight Diner and speed-walked down the streets towards the famous Broadway.

"I have to dash to my second job," Kurt said, glancing at his watch. "This is the one I thought you might enjoy to watch."

"It gets curiouser and curiouser. I already liked watching you doing your first job." Blaine quickened his pace to keep up with Kurt's long strides. He wasn't used to walking so much. "What else is it you do?"

They stopped at a red light for pedestrians and Kurt faced Blaine with a cautious smile on his lips. "I'm an actor," Kurt revealed and stood a bit straighter when he noticed the way Blaine's eyes widened appreciatively.

"Wow, an actor? You mean, a Broadway actor?" Blaine seemed positively surprised.

"Yes," Kurt beamed proudly. "This particular job I'm heading to is a workshop for a possible Broadway production."

"A workshop?" Blaine's excitement dwindled. "Okay, what exactly is a workshop?" Blaine wanted to know as they crossed the street and headed towards a rather hidden little theatre in a backstreet.

"Whenever writers and producers come up with a new idea for a show they set up a workshop first," Kurt explained. "The writers need actors to play out their scenes to see if they actually work. Most stuff looks good on paper, but not on an actual stage. So it's the job of the cast who help the writers try out new stuff, figuring out what works and what doesn't. I just love the whole process of creating something new. They don't pay much, but it's always fun."

"And I get to watch?" Blaine asked. "Your fellow cast mates and the writers don't mind?"

"We've already made pretty good progress, so it'll be nice to have someone in the audience who can give us feedback on how the play comes across."

"I get to review your work?" Blaine's cheeky grin returned, he seemed to like the idea.

"Yes, you're allowed to criticize my work," Kurt said. "Plus, you'll get to hear me sing again," Kurt added with a smile.

"You sing in the workshop?" Blaine's face lit up some more.

"Yes, the workshop is for a musical. The songs aren't completely fleshed out yet, and Stuart, our writer, wants to write a few more songs and work on the current ones, so rehearsal is always in a flow. I've done quite a few workshops over the past three years. It's a good learning experience, but it's also disheartening when the project you spend so much work on isn't picked by a theatre and gets shut down."

Kurt led the way through a deserted theatre. Four women and one guy were already gathered around a piano on the stage which was the only part of the theatre that was lit. Blaine loved looking around the dark seats and up the high ceiling and imagining what it must be like when it's a full house.

The present cast warmed up their vocal cords by humming and singing up and down the diatonic scale, everyone had their sheet music at the ready.

"Hi guys," Kurt greeted his cast mates and dropped his satchel next to the piano. "I brought a friend. He'd like to watch our rehearsal."

"Welcome," Neal, a black young man said, waving at Blaine. "Take a seat, enjoy the show."

"Try not to snore too loudly when you fall asleep," a redheaded woman joked and the actors laughed.

"I won't disturb you," Blaine promised. "I'll be as quiet as a mouse. You won't hear or see me."

Kurt gave him an amused look, because despite his reassurances Blaine stood rooted onstage, glancing around with such a happy expression on his face that Kurt couldn't believe this was the same man who had tried to kill himself yesterday.

"So what's this musical about?" Blaine inquired, and because he was as excited as a puppy on his first walk the other actors instantly took him in.

"It's about a homosexual poet and song writer set in the French revolution," Cecelia, the redhead, explained. "The story evolves mostly around his public life versus his secret love."

Blaine's eyes grew in surprise and he arched his brows at Kurt. "Gay lovers on Broadway?"

"Exciting, isn't it?" Gail, a black girl with short dark curls said. "It's kind of Moulin Rouge meets Brokeback Mountain. Without the cowboy hats."

"I take it, there's no happy ending?" Blaine squinted his eyes.

"Sadly, no," Kurt explained. "Gideon, the protagonist, lives a double life. He's a beloved and successful poet and song writer, but he comes to a fork in the road of his life when he has to choose between his secret lover, Felix, or Geraldine, the bride his benefactor set him up with."

"Which role do you play?" Blaine asked curiously.

"I'm Felix, the secret lover," Kurt explained. "I die in the end," he added and struck a dramatic pose.

"But not before he has this great song about unrequited love," Gail said enthusiastically. "Felix kills himself thinking that Gideon doesn't love him."

"Wow," Blaine was impressed. "That's quite a story."

"Wait until you hear the songs," Kurt said excitedly. "They're so good. I really hope this one will make it."

"They'll probably make Felix have a sex change before the curtain goes up for this one," Neal said with a snort. "A show in which the two male leads are gay? Even in _Rent_ the gay dudes were only supporting acts."

"We live in exciting times," Kurt said optimistically. "Maybe this will make it."

Their chat was interrupted by a man arriving. He was in his late thirties and wore glasses down to the tip of his nose as he approached them, his eyes glued on the paper he was carrying.

"All right, everyone! I wrote a new song for the second act!" he called out and took a seat on the piano bench.

"This is Stuart, the writer of this masterpiece," Kurt whispered to Blaine.

"It's a duet between Gideon and Felix," Stuart said, starting to play a melody. "It starts as a fight, aggressive and angry, but ends in passionate love."

"I so want to see this happen on Broadway," Kurt murmured.

"Thomas ain't here yet," Neal said in his deep voice.

"Guys, Thomas just texted me, he won't make it," Gail said, holding up her phone.

"Shoot." Stuart slumped his shoulders. "All scenes I wanted to rehearse today evolve around the lead."

"Neal could stand in," Gail suggested.

Stuart shook his head. "His voice is too deep for Gideon's part."

"How about we ask my friend Blaine?" Kurt offered and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "He's got a suitable voice."

Blaine gave Kurt a baffled look.

Stuart rubbed his chin. "Well, it's worth a shot," he agreed. "He certainly looks the part."

Kurt gave Blaine a grin and whispered, "Consider this payback for making me sing in the diner."

"I quite like your paybacks," Blaine whispered back.

"We'll start with the new song, Gideon's and Felix' duet," Stuart said. "So you guys both start on equal ground." He handed them the sheet paper and they gathered around the piano.

Blaine smiled at Kurt. "How about that? We get to do another duet. Two in one day."

Kurt smiled back, feeling giddy at the prospect to be doing this with Blaine.

* * *

"Your life is so much fun, Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed when they left the workshop three hours later.

Kurt was grinning from ear to ear, too. Rehearsal had been amazing. Not only was Stuart's new song for the tragic couple exciting and thrilling, but everyone was blown away by Blaine's performance. Kurt was so proud that Blaine loved his acting life and was integrated so easily. Blaine seemed to have enjoyed himself a great deal. Kurt found that a career in the arts was exactly what Blaine needed to cheer up. He made a mental note to persuade Blaine to at least consider becoming an actor.

"You were incredible, by the way," Kurt said. "I think Stuart wanted to sign you up right on the spot. Believe me, you're way better than the guy who ditched us today."

"I'm surprised how easy it all comes back to me," Blaine said dreamily. "I _loved_ singing and performing so much when I was a teenager. There was a time I thought it was all I ever wanted to do with my life."

Kurt smiled warmly. There was a sweetness and a longing about Blaine whenever he talked about the biggest passion of his adolescence. It made Kurt want to drag Blaine into the spotlight and make the world see how wonderful he was. But first he needed to make Blaine realize how truly talented he was.

"Where are we going next?" Blaine walked starry eyed down the Broadway, his eyes glued on every lit up sign of a show or musical.

"We're running to my third job," Kurt explained. "I'm hired in the Broadway production of Peter Pan. It's a musical adaption."

"You- what? So you're an _actual_ Broadway actor?" Blaine shouted out in excitement. "It's not just the workshop thing, but an actual show? Oh my God, Kurt, that's amazing!"

"You'll meet my best friend and roommate Rachel there," Kurt said, glowing a bit in Blaine's exhilaration. "She plays Wendy."

"Which part do you play?"

"What do you think?" Kurt smiled challengingly.

"You're the lead? You're Peter Pan?"

"You sound surprised."

"No, I'm amazed! I bet you're a big star and everybody wants to meet you and have your autograph! Oh, your life is truly amazing, Kurt!"

"It's far from being as glamorous as you make it sound," Kurt replied with a chuckle.

"When I was the lead singer of the Warblers I loved being admired by everyone," Blaine explained while they made their way towards the Times Square. "I know this probably makes me sound arrogant, but I loved being part of something special."

"No, I get it," Kurt said, rubbing his hands together against the cold. "Everybody wants to feel appreciated. Part of why I became an Broadway actor was because I love the applause. You connect with the audience in a way television actors don't."

"That's exactly why I always loved the idea of Broadway," Blaine confessed. "I think there's something magic about doing a show in front of a live audience night after night. My brother Cooper's a Hollywood actor and let me tell you, they're all self-obsessed and narcisstic."

"You have a brother? It's the first time you mentioned him," Kurt said, surprised by the scornful way Blaine talked about his brother. "You guys aren't close, I take it?"

"We get along well enough, but he's eight years older than I and we don't see each other often."

"That's too bad," Kurt said, pulling the collar of his coat up against the wind. "Any chance of you guys reconnecting?"

"I'm not sure. He doesn't want to be cornered about our family's business and it'd be unevitable that we'd talk about it."

"Why is that?"

"It's a long story," Blaine evaded.

"Here we are," Kurt said, pointing across the street where the PETER PAN neon sign was lit up over a theatre. "But you're not off the hook," Kurt warned. "We'll continue talking about your family later."

* * *

Blaine was thrilled by every little thing backstage. He loved the dressing and make-up room, chatting with the cast and watching Kurt put on his costume and make-up.

"Hey Kurt, where have you been last night and who's this?" A tiny young woman hugged Kurt and brushed her lips over his cheeks. She was radiant with a big smile and shining brown eyes.

"Hi Rachel, this is Blaine. We... uhm... met last night. Blaine, meet my best friend Rachel."

"You guys met last night? Oh, la, la," Rachel looked Blaine up and down appreciatively. "I guess that answers my question of where you've spent the night." She giggled and winked at Kurt. "Good catch!"

"Break a leg," Kurt wished her and she left with a big smile.

Blaine watched her retreating back and grinned at Kurt. "Good catch? So true. If you hadn't caught me, I'd be fish food by now."

Kurt didn't think it was funny to make jokes of his suicide attempt, but he had noticed that Blaine could only cope with stuff by making fun of it.

"Well, we've finally got time to have a serious talk now," Kurt offered, joining Blaine on the couch.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, confused. "Isn't it curtain call in a few minutes?"

"It is," Kurt confirmed. He didn't say no more to explain. It wasn't necessary, because another guy dressed in a second Peter Pan costume peeked in and flashed white teeth at them. "Yo, Kurt, wish me luck!"

"Break a leg, Scott!" Kurt replied with a big grin.

For some reason the other Peter found this remark hilarious. "You know, maybe I will tonight." Scott left and Kurt turned back to Blaine with a major eye roll.

"Who's he?" Blaine asked, confused.

Kurt let out a sigh before he answered. "That's Scott. He's Peter Pan. I'm his understudy."

"WHAT?" Blaine exclaimed.

"My job is to step in in case he actually breaks a leg, so to speak," Kurt explained.

Blaine stared at him for long moment. "So you're saying you come here every night, dress up as Peter Pan and watch the show from the sidelines?"

"Well, yes," Kurt confirmed. "You know, every stage actor has an understudy in case of an emergency. In Peter Pan there are some risky stunt scenes. Scott has to wear a harness with strings attached, so he can fly or hover in the air, so it's always a possibility that he hurts his ankle during these stunts, and as you probably know the famous saying, _the show must go on_. So I have to be ready to take over for Scott immediately."

"Has this happened before?"

"No, not yet," Kurt admitted.

"So you've never been on that stage?"

"Well, for rehearsal, of course. And I'm pretty good, if I may say that about myself. But Scott is- Well, he's already earned himself some fame on Broadway, so the producers decided he should be upfront to attract an audience."

"But he's not better than you?" Blaine asked.

Kurt just shrugged.

"That sucks big time." Blaine seemed genuinely pissed, more than Kurt was himself. "I bet you're a way better Peter than that dude and you shouldn't accept to be his understudy," Blaine argued. "You should go and get a lead role in another production where you actually get to be on stage and your talent isn't wasted in the backroom."

"Thank you for your trust in my abilities," Kurt said with a thin smile. "But my type doesn't get cast very often. I'm a countertenor and I'm a particular type physically. Believe me, I am happy with my current position. Not many people have the opportunity to actually work on Broadway."

"Wow, must be a dream come true," Blaine sneered. "I bet when you were a kid you dreamed of becoming the understudy of some famous Broadway star. Congratulations! Dreams can come true!"

"Stop mocking me. We're not here to talk about the wrong turns in _my_ life," Kurt pointed out.

"I'm sorry, it's just that this is really depressing," Blaine raked his hand through his curls. "I mean, here you are so close to having everything you wanted, just to be sitting in the backroom, waiting for the star of the show to injure himself? How can you even stand it?"

"Now, don't be dramatic. Yes, my job situation isn't ideal, but I could do a lot worse. I love being part of a show. But you're right, I stopped being ambitious and settled for being able to pay my bills. I would lie if I said it didn't bother me not being on that stage right now. But-" Kurt stopped and stared down at his hands, before he finished in a sad voice, "there are more important things in life than being a star."

Blaine shook his head sadly, looking around the dressing room. Kurt put one arm over the back of the couch and propped his head on his hand, watching Blaine. He could sense the disappointment and he felt it seep through him. Of course being an understudy didn't make Kurt happy, but he had accepted the job. Seeing Blaine's enthusiasm dwindle upon learing the truth made Kurt feel like a failure.

"For what it's worth, you make a cute Peter," Blaine said, his smile returning eventually. "A dirty kind of cute."

Kurt blushed and lowered his eyes. He couldn't get used to Blaine's flirting. It didn't feel right as long as Blaine was officially in denial about being gay.

"How come you don't have a boyfriend?"

Kurt looked up, completely taken off guard by where Blaine's mind was going. "Oh, no! This isn't about me, Blaine. You've avoided talking about yourself since we met. This changes now. I offered you my help. My help starts here, in this room. Talk to me. We have two hours to chat," Kurt offered. "Unless, of course, Scott gets hurt and I have to get on stage. But until then we have the privacy of the dressing room and, you know," Kurt lowered his voice dramatically, "what happens in the dressing room stays in the dressing room."

Blaine had to admit there was something cozy and safe about sitting in the dressing room of a theatre while a show was playing. It felt like all the world was distracted while they were hiding behind their backs and no one was paying them any attention. They would hear the audience cheer and laugh or applaud and sometimes Blaine would listen up to catch a certain song or dialogue, but mostly the show was just background noise to them.

"I don't know where to start," Blaine admitted, picking at a cushion on the couch.

"You can start with _anything_ as long as you're honest with me. Tell me something that's been weighing on your heart for a while. No judgement. Consider me your safe zone. I'm not a therapist. I may not have the answers you're craving for, but I promise I will listen and I will try to help you in any way I can."

"Wow," Blaine said in a low voice, staring at the floor. "How about this for a start?" He looked up and straight into Kurt's eyes, as if seeking for strength. "I'm- I am gay. As you probably have guessed after last night."

"It has crossed my mind," Kurt smiled, warm and proud that Blaine decided to talk about the elephant in the room. "How does it feel to say it out loud?"

"Weird," Blaine admitted, squirming in his seat. "Scary. I haven't talked about it for a long time."

"But you _have_ talked to someone about this before?"

"Yes, my parents know, and Tina."

Kurt nodded slowly. "I don't understand why you wanted to propose to Tina then."

"I've spent so many years trying to convince everyone around me that I'm straight that I started to believe it myself. I was angry at myself whenever I caught myself daydreaming about men. I felt like a failure, because I can't love women."

"And now?" Kurt asked gently.

"Well, now I know that I can't change it, no matter what I do," Blaine shrugged helplessly. "I know I shouldn't be ashamed for who I am and it makes me even angrier that I have to hide this part of me."

"Why do you have to hide it?"

"It's all my brother's fault," Blaine balled his hands into fists.

"How so?" Kurt asked, skeptically.

"It's hard to explain," Blaine said, shaking his head.

"Okay," Kurt acknowledged. "I know family stuff can be hard, but please try to explain anyway."

Blaine got up and paced the small room, flexing and tightening his hands.

"First you should know that my parents run a business. It's been in our family for three generations. It's all about tradition and family values and so on. Cooper was supposed to take over the company, but he just left to L. A. to do his acting thing and my parents let him go. Now it has become my responsibility to make sure the business remains in the family. My days are consumed with studying for my business major and every minute of it makes me sick to the core."

"Why can't you tell your parents that you don't want to take over the family business?" Kurt asked.

"Because if I don't continue, no one will and an era would end," Blaine explained. "My grandparents and my parents worked all their lives to built it up and get the best reputation. Our family name is a brand for the best products available. Besides, my dad threatens to disown me. I'm not saying that I'm afraid of being poor and having to start something on my own, but having money is one less thing to worry about."

"If you hate this business so much, wouldn't they understand that you need to get out? They're your parents, they must want you to find happiness."

"It's not that I hate it," Blaine admitted. "It's rather that I feel monitored with everyone's eyes on me, waiting for me to fail. I'm not good at this. I try so hard and I feel caged knowing that I will have to do this for the rest of my life, spending my days in an office, making decisions for the business with a thousand workers depending on me to make the right ones and my parents scolding me whenever I make a mistake. Every semester break I have to work in the company. My father's already showing me everything, introducing me to important people and all the while I feel like an imposter. Like I need my parents to tell me what to do every step of the way, because I will never be able to run the company on my own. Since I've started working in the company as the junior boss, I get a panic attack almost every day. I can't do it. It's too much pressure. I can't-"

Kurt instinctively reached out and took Blaine's hand, squeezing it tightly.

Blaine looked at their joined hands, calming down immediately. He sat down next to Kurt again. Squeezing back, he held on to Kurt's hand and didn't let go of it. No one had ever just held his hand like this before, affectionately and reassuring and connecting. Sure, he had walked with Tina hand in hand whenever they had gone out shopping, but this was different. This was a private moment. There was no need to show the world they cared about each other, and yet here they were and Kurt gave him comfort without expecting anything in return.

Blaine found himself wanting to give something back to show his gratitude, but he didn't know what he could offer to Kurt. Instead he lost himself staring at Kurt's lips and wanting to kiss them. Since the round of cards in front of the fire Blaine found himself not able to resist the desire to kiss the man before him. That first kiss had been overwhelming, like nothing Blaine had ever felt before.

"I take it your family's business is kind of famous?" Kurt asked, stirring Blaine back to their conversation, not knowing a thing about his internal struggle.

"Well," a look of dread crossed Blaine's face as he realized that Kurt still didn't know who he was. Part of him wanted it to stay that way, afraid things would change between them, but he knew Kurt would find out sooner or later anyway and it could be important that he knew the complexity of Blaine's situation.

"I will tell you all about my family," Blaine stalled, "but can I ask something of you first?"

"Of course," Kurt agreed, leaning forward in confidentiality.

Blaine licked his lips nervously. "Can I kiss you?"

Kurt stared at him, baffled for a moment, then he smiled. "Seriously?" Kurt asked, teasing. "You're asking? That's an improvement. It's quite nice to be given a choice for a change."

"I'm sorry about last night," Blaine said, giving a wry smile. "Except I'm not sorry. That kiss was-," he struggled to find the right words to describe that kiss without sounding cheesy.

Kurt arched his brows curiously, waiting for him to finish.

"-really, really nice," Blaine said eventually, hating that he sounded lame, but he was afraid that words like _incredible, amazing, out-of-this-world_ would sound exaggerating.

Kurt's eyes narrowed, but a smile played along his lips. "You're an idiot," he said affectionately. "But a cute one. Dirty cute."

"Thank you," Blaine smiled back. "I'd really like to kiss you again, though. But I'm afraid of a repetition of what happened at the diner today." He tilted his head and watched Kurt curiously.

Now it was Kurt who squirmed in his seat. "Forget what happened at the diner," he said, embarrassed about his earlier crying fit. At this point it was useless to deny that he had developed a head over heels crush on Blaine, but he still believed it for the better that they maintained a friendship rather than rushed into a relationship that might crash in two weeks. However, if this was going to be Kurt's last kiss with Blaine he'd want to have it.

"Okay," Blaine said slowly, sensing that Kurt didn't want to talk about his cry flash in the backroom at the diner. He scooted closer, never letting go of Kurt's hand, and still giving Kurt the chance to back off.

Kurt's breathing sped up as he watched Blaine lean towards him. He closed his eyes and let it happen. Blaine's free hand was on Kurt's cheek, gently stroking him and finally resting in the back of Kurt's neck. Then his mouth was on Kurt's, soft at first but getting stronger. Kurt forgot everything around him. Never before had he been able to shut off the world during a kiss, never before had somebody captured him like this. Blaine's kisses were mesmerizing and all-consuming and Kurt instantly surrendered when Blaine deepened the kiss. Blaine felt so much alive when he kissed him that Kurt couldn't believe the man had wanted to kill himself. But maybe it was the decision of ending things that gave Blaine the courage to live the last days of his life to the fullest.

Blaine pushed himself up on one knee and made Kurt tilt his head back, but Blaine held him securely in place, staying in control of the kiss, absolutely taking Kurt's breath away.

Kurt didn't know how much time had passed when they finally broke apart. He was dizzy and needed a moment to orientate himself again.

"Wow," Kurt said breathlessly, grinning like a fool. "You don't do things half way, do you? When you kiss, you _kiss_."

"I don't want to waste time by giving you a half-ass kiss," Blaine said, panting, and grasping Kurt's hand even more fiercely than before. "You know, in case this is my last."

Kurt stared at him in shock and before he knew it his eyes filled with tears.

"Oh no," Blaine pleaded. "No, please, don't cry now. You said it was okay."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, wiping tears away, but he couldn't stop. It was a shock to know that they had been thinking the same thing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug and rubbed his back. "Come on, am I really that bad a kisser?" he joked to lift the mood. It made Kurt chuckle and cry at the same time.

"This is the third time I made you cry in 24 hours," Blaine said apologetically.

"It's not your fault," Kurt said, pulling back and grabbing for a tissue from the make-up table.

"Of course it's my fault," Blaine sighed. "It's not my intention to cause you any misery with this arrangement and-"

"It's just-," Kurt cut in, taking a deep breath to compose himself again. "Thinking about death is kind of hard for me."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, narrowing his eyes, trying to figure out why Kurt was so easily upset. "Did someone you know die?"

"Yes," Kurt confirmed, but didn't elaborate.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine offered.

Kurt sensed that Blaine's interest was genuine and more than just a platitude. He realized he should trust a little and be honest about himself a bit more to show Blaine that this friendship was mutual. "My stepbrother died about three years ago," he revealed. "It changed a lot."

Blaine's face distorted into a grimace. "I'm sorry."

Kurt could tell that Blaine meant it.

"Were you guys close?"

Kurt only managed a nod and looked up at the ceiling to fight new tears.

"What changed after he was gone?" Blaine asked.

Kurt just shook his head. "I can't- I can't talk about it now."

"It's okay," Blaine assured him. "Thank you for telling me."

Blaine watched Kurt closely. The pain of the loss was palpable, but there had to be more. It pained him to think that his presence awoke ghosts for Kurt and he wished he could just switch off his suicidal thoughts, but he had had them for so long Blaine didn't know how. He had to admit to himself that he felt truly alive when he was with Kurt, but there was no telling how long this euphoria would last and if anything changed at all in two weeks or if he remained stuck in his life.

He didn't want to cause Kurt more pain by being the next in his life to die by taking the cowardly route out, but that was a promise he couldn't make. He felt childish for selfishly making that deal with Kurt and laying all his problems on the other man's shoulders, but he couldn't release him off his oath just yet. Blaine felt like he would instantly fall back into his downward spiral if Kurt would leave him now.

"Just so you know," he said in a light tone. "So far you're doing a great job at making me want to live."

This time it was Blaine who reached out for Kurt's hand and they resumed their hand-holding.

 **Thank you for reading! :)**


	6. How To Grant Total Access To One's Life

**Chapter 6 – How To Grant Total Access (To One's Life)**

For a long while they just looked at each other, losing themselves in the other's eyes, and this was new for Blaine, too. Usually he couldn't hold eye contact with anyone for long.

"I haven't forgotten my question, by the way," Kurt said eventually, and his lips crept up mischievously. "Although you did a good job at distracting me."

"You still want to know about my family's business?" Blaine asked.

Kurt just gave a nod.

"I'm afraid things might change when you find out who I am," Blaine worried.

"Your father's not of the boss of the mob or something, is he?" Kurt asked, amused by Blaine's warning. "I'm not going to end at the bottom of the East River with a brick tied to my feet, am I?"

"No, we're not a criminal family business," Blaine smiled bashfully. "But- Have you heard of _Anderson's_ _Paradise?"_

" _Anderson's_ _Paradise,_ the manufacturing company for every kid's favorite toys? Of course I have." Kurt's eyes grew big. "Wait! _That's_ your family? Oh, my God! Something from _Anderson's_ _Paradise_ was on my Santa's wish list every Christmas when I was a kid."

"Well, yeah, it's an old and established and very popular family business."

"I loved going to the shops to explore the shelves and get lost in the amazing playgrounds. It truly was like going to paradise," Kurt reminiscented with a smile. He had to admit that it was quite intimidating to know that Blaine came from such an influencial background, but it didn't change his opinion of Blaine. He had known that Blaine was rich from the beginning. It wasn't his fault that he was born into a family business like that.

"I am rather fond of the theme parks," Blaine admitted.

"The theme parks, oh, my God!" Kurt beamed. "My dad would take me there every summer!"

"I've spent many summer and Christmas vacations performing in our theme parks," Blaine said proudly. "I loved it. It's the only positive memory I have about my family's business actually."

"I can totally imagine you doing that," Kurt gushed, now that he knew how talented Blaine was. "Did you wear costumes, too?"

"Of course," Blaine smiled. "Anything to escape being myself for a while." He leaned back into the cushions and let out a heavy sigh. "Now imagine the CEO of _Anderson's_ _Paradise_ a gay man," he challenged. "It's unthinkable."

"We live in modern times," Kurt disagreed.

"In big cities, perhaps," Blaine argued. "But for the traditional American household a family is a husband and wife with children, not life partners with adopted kids. Homosexuality is off the table when you're working for a business that sells children's toys."

"That's ridiculous."

"It is how it is," Blaine stated. "I am to take over and run the family business and I am to take a wife and produce an heir. God, just saying this out loud makes me feel like I was royalty and the world was to watch my every move." Blaine gave a bitter laugh. "But that's how it is."

"What about your brother?" Kurt asked, trying to steer the conversation into another direction. "You said he was a Hollywood actor. Do I know him from television or movies?"

"You may know him from his lead role in White Collar."

"But- Really?" Kurt narrowed his eyes. "I don't remember that actor's name, but I'm sure it's not Anderson."

"Yeah, it's an alias. Cooper doesn't want to be connected with our family." Blaine gave a shrug as if to say it couldn't be helped.

"When's the last time you spoke to him?"

Blaine shrugged again. "About two years ago."

"Seriously? You guys don't even see each other on Christmas?"

"Well, he lives in California and I live in Ohio," Blaine replied defensively.

"So what? There's always the phone and e-mail and Skype. Distance is no excuse anymore," Kurt argued. "But I think after all this time you guys should meet face to face again."

"I heard he's going to be in New York for an interview this week," Blaine said with yet another shrug as if it didn't concern him, but Kurt wondered how he knew about his brother's appointments if he didn't care about him like he claimed.

"Then we're going to talk to him when he's in New York," Kurt decided. "I know family stuff can be hard, and sometimes you don't know how to talk to your own parents or siblings and you grow apart. But we will start with small steps. Start with your brother."

"I don't have anything to say to him. He's a pathetic coward. He ran. He even changed his name to get away from everything."

"Just be honest with him," Kurt advised. "Tell him how disappointed you are and how you feel that he abandoned you, abandoned the family. Tell him you want things to change and see what he says."

They talked for two hours. When Blaine appeared sufficiently drained and Kurt's head was pounding with all the responsibilities Blaine had resting on his shoulders, Kurt decided to take a break. He knew the problems, now it was time to gain some perspective, to show Blaine the joy of life. This was the bit Kurt was nervous about. He wasn't very good at it himself, he wasn't sure what to do or where to take him. Especially given that Kurt wasn't exactly feeling well himself at the time.

"What now?" Blaine asked, he looked tired.

"The show's over," Kurt said as he listened to the applause of the audience and the actors returning backstage. "I guess I can get out of my costume again."

"Dinner's on me," Blaine said when they left the theatre.

"If you insist," Kurt agreed, because he was starving. "But I'll just have a small bite." Because he was kind of broke. If he had been left to his own devices, Kurt would have made himself a cup of tea and a couple of cinnamon rolls for dinner.

However, Blaine took him to the Astoria hotel's restaurant which was fancy enough for Kurt to feel out of place again, not to mention underdressed and undone. He desperately needed a shower. He took some comfort in the fact that Blaine looked like a slob as well. His shirt wasn't tucked in and his curly head was a mess and he didn't care one bit that his shirt had sweat stains under his arm pits. Although Kurt was sure the stiff waiter had noticed.

"Order anything you want," Blaine prompted.

"I don't eat much really," Kurt protested.

"What? You're watching your figure?" Blaine teased.

"No, I kind of lost my appetite three months ago," Kurt explained. "Sometimes I have to make myself eat and it really takes an effort."

Blaine narrowed his brows. "What happened three months ago?"

"I- I'd rather not talk about it now," Kurt stammered. "It's a family thing."

"All right," Blaine allowed. "But you'll tell me another time? You know a lot about my family now, so I want to know about yours, too."

"Of course," Kurt said evasively.

The food was delicious, unlike anything Kurt had eaten in a long while and he relaxed over a glass of wine and Blaine's enthusiatic chatter, replaying the highlights of the day. It was wonderful to see him blossom over Kurt's work as a singer and actor. It made Kurt feel appreciated and valued for his chosen career. He had fought hard to get a foot into a career in the arts and most people didn't even consider it a real profession.

"You're coming up with me?" Blaine asked out of the blue, inviting Kurt back to his penthouse suite.

Kurt swallowed nervously. He still felt like an intruder in Blaine's life.

"I guess so," he said and folded his napkin. "I mean, you obviously feel better today, but I don't want to leave you alone just yet. In case you have nightmares. And, you know, there's still that balcony."

"There's still that balcony," Blaine repeated affirmatively.

Kurt squinted at him. He couldn't tell if Blaine was mocking him or even warning him or just stating facts. In any case, it seemed that Blaine agreed to have Kurt stay the night again.

"Anyway, you shouldn't be alone tonight. You seem happy today, but it's easy to fake happiness on the outside, when really you're dying inside. I know how it is, the demons always return when you're by yourself. One good day doesn't mean your situation has changed, but I think it's a good start to remind you of what happiness feels like."

"What happiness _could_ feel like," Blaine corrected with a heaviness in his voice that had Kurt on instant alarm. "Just because I told you my big secret doesn't mean I'm able to come out to the world."

"You mean your secret passion for singing and acting?" Kurt asked with a smile, trying to cheer Blaine up.

Blaine smiled sweetly. "No, the other thing. Although I won't be able to pursue a career on Broadway, either."

"Never say never," Kurt said. He hated it when Blaine was so pessimistic about his life.

They finished their dessert and the bottle of wine and Blaine put down his napkin. "Any chance there's another reason why you might want to stay the night with me?" The flirtatious smirk showed up again.

Kurt didn't know how to answer. "Look, Blaine, we need to keep this on a friendship basis," Kurt said. "I don't think it'd be a good idea if we started seeing each other. You understand that, right?"

Blaine hummed in agreement, but he didn't seem to like it.

* * *

In the penthouse suite Kurt instantly felt uncomfortable and awkward again. Blaine was attentive enough to sense what troubled him. "Tomorrow you'll have to bring your own stuff," he said matter-of-factly. "Until then you can pick anything you need from my wardrobe."

"I didn't bring my tooth brush," Kurt said.

"I've got plenty," Blaine offered with a bright smile. Then he felt like he had to explain himself. "I always lose stuff when traveling and I lost my tooth brush once. So now I bring plenty with me."

"Thank you," Kurt paced about the room for a moment. He longed to be alone for a while, he wasn't used to be around someone for this long, but he still didn't trust Blaine to be by himself.

"I'd like to take a shower," Kurt said. "Would you talk to me through the door?"

Blaine looked confused at first, but then he understood. "Because of the balcony?"

"Because of the balcony," Kurt confirmed.

"That's silly," Blaine replied with a sigh, crossing his arms. "If you're afraid I'm going to jump while you're in the shower, we might as well take a shower together."

Kurt couldn't help grinning. "Now _that's_ silly." He went into the bathroom and left the door ajar. "Just talk to me."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"Whatever crosses your mind," Kurt quickly stripped out of his clothes.

"Can I sing?" Blaine asked. "I feel like I've told you all about me today already."

"Okay," Kurt agreed. He got into the shower and wondered if this was what the next two weeks would be like: no private moment at all. Kurt valued his alone time, because he dealt with obnoxious people all day long. But lately his moments alone had resulted in long aimless walks and vicious circles of depressive thoughts, so maybe it was a good idea to be with someone who distracted him from his own problems around the clock.

Kurt couldn't stop grinning when Blaine sang a medley of Katy Perry songs. What a cheese ball!

Kurt showered as quickly as he could. He took the second bathrobe and put it on, it was fluffy and warm. When he came out of the bathroom, he noticed the way Blaine watched him from his seat on the couch and he became too aware of his nakedness underneath the bathrobe.

"You can use the bathroom now, if you want," he offered.

Blaine slowly got up. "I guess I'd better take a shower, too."

"There should be enough hot water left," Kurt said.

Blaine gave him a cute smile. "I don't think the Astoria runs out of hot water."

"Oh," Kurt said. He still couldn't wrap his head around the luxury of the place.

"My clothes are in the suitcases," Blaine motioned towards the bedroom. "Help yourself."

"Thank you," Kurt said. He waited until Blaine was in the bathroom before he hurried into the bedroom and went through the three suitcases lying around. He found that Blaine had a great taste in clothing: he had brought a couple of expensive suits and dress shoes, but also designer shirts and pants. Kurt couldn't help smiling when he discovered a bag filled with a collection of at least thirty bow-ties. In another bag he found comfort clothes like sweatpants, T-shirts and cardigans. Kurt chose a pair of grey yoga pants, a black Dalton T-shirt and a red thick cardigan with a big collar.

As Kurt rummaged through Blaine's bags, he remembered the suicide note. If he didn't get his hands on it before Blaine got out of the shower, he'd never see it.

Kurt looked around the room and saw Blaine's clothes from the day before discarded in the corner, his jeans strewn on top of his travel bag. Kurt felt his way around each pocket and found the folded piece of paper. He listened to the sound of the shower to make sure that Blaine was still occupied and sat down on the bed.

Kurt opened the note, hoping to gain more insight into Blaine's reasons of his attempted suicide, but instead found a series of scribbles and he quickly learned that it wasn't a suicide note at all, but Blaine's proposal speech to Tina, practised over and over, rewritten until it was perfect. Blaine must have been anxious that Tina might not say yes. A lot had been at stake for Blaine to get married. Kurt wasn't sure if he was disappointed or not. But he decided that it was a good sign that Blaine hadn't written a suicide note. This way his trip to the bridge might have been a spur of the moment kind of thing and not really a planned suicide attempt.

A vibration from Blaine's phone left in the living room stole Kurt's attention away. He ran over, but when he picked the phone up it had already stopped ringing and the screen revealed seventeen missed calls by Tina. Kurt made a quick decision. He called her back.

"Blainey days! Finally! Don't ever do that again!" Tina's familiar loud voice came to Kurt's ear. "I've been worried sick about you!"

"Tina, it's Kurt," Kurt said in a rather hushed voice. "Kurt Hummel." He quickly went back into the bedroom, so he could talk, but he left the door ajar so he would hear when Blaine got out of the bathroom.

"Kurt?" Tina seemed utterly confused. "Oh my God, how are you? We haven't talked in years. Wait! What are you doing with Blaine's phone? How do you even know him?"

"Listen, I'm with Blaine at the moment and I can't talk for long. He's in a terrible funk. Can you tell me what's going on with him? I know you guys were together and that you just broke up with him."

"Yeah, I'm back together with Mike," Tina explained. "Blaine and I would have never worked out and he knows it. Do you know that he's-" She didn't finish, but left her sentence dangling.

"Yes, I know he's gay," Kurt confirmed and she let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh good, I'm so glad he's finally confided in someone. How did you guys meet?"

"That's complicated," Kurt evaded. "Look, I want to help him. You've known him longer than I have. Can you give me some advice?"

They talked for about ten minutes until Kurt noticed that Blaine was standing in the bedroom door, as if he'd been standing there for a while, towel wrapped around his waist, anger on his face.

Kurt quickly made his excuses and ended the call. He spoke before Blaine had a chance to attack. "You've had seventeen missed calls on your phone by Tina," Kurt explained. "Also, if this is going to work between us, then I need total access to your life. No holds barred. No secrets."

He stopped to make sure Blaine understood. He didn't object.

"Tina was worried about you," Kurt conveyed. "She says she's been worried about you for a year now, extremely worried when you stopped answering her calls after you last talked. If I hadn't called her now, she would have called the police to check on you."

"If she's really so worried about me, she'd be here!" Blaine barked. "She would have told me about her new boyfriend in person and not over the phone!"

"Granted, that wasn't the best move," Kurt allowed. "But she said she doesn't recognize you anymore. That you used to be funny and spontaneous, but you're miserable and distant for months now. I promise, we're going to get you back to that way again, Blaine. I think we did a good job already rediscovering your spark."

Blaine just turned and walked away, seething. Kurt followed him into the living room and watched Blaine pace and rake his hands through his wet curls.

"Tina said she wouldn't have married you, even if she hadn't gotten back together with Mike. She wanted you to finally come out and not to dig deeper into the closet. She knew you both wouldn't be happy together in the long run. A marriage can't be grounded on pretend."

"You must think I'm so stupid!" Blaine yelled. "For choosing to live a fake life. But you don't know what it's like to live with so much pressure. To always have to be perfect and push harder. I have to fight for so much in my life, I just had no more strength left to fight about this, too!"

Blaine collapsed on the couch, hanging his head and furiously wiping tears away. "Being gay has never been anything but a bad thing for me. It never meant anything but fear and deceit and hiding and disappointment. They talk about love and community and freedom, but it's never been like that for me. I got beaten up and abused and ridiculed for it enough in my teenage life without even being officially out. No one can blame me for pretending to be straight. It was easier for everyone."

Kurt kneeled next to him on the carpet.

"Everyone, except for Tina. And you," Kurt pointed out sadly. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know what it's like for you. But I can promise you that it gets better if you just give it a chance. Nothing worth fighting for ever comes easy to anyone."

"Look, I think it's great that your parents were so supportive of you. But when I came out to my parents they didn't want to hear about it," Blaine said, looking up with tears in his eyes and a wry grimace. "They said it was just a phase. Then I got bashed at a school dance because some kids assumed I was gay. My parents were worried about my safety and forbid me to _pursue_ _this_ _nonsense."_ Blaine quoted with his fingers. "And I couldn't even argue, because they were right: it was dangerous to be gay, people would hate me and attack me. There was nothing good coming out of it. Then I met Tina at college. She had a crush on me and we started dating, but after a while she wanted more than just a goodnight kiss and I couldn't. I mean, I tried. We tried doing it. But I couldn't and I was so ashamed. She tried to soothe me and told me it was probably just performance anxiety, apparently a lot of guys suffered from it, or so she said. But I told her that the reason was that I feel attracted to guys." Blaine slumped forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

"How did she take it?" Kurt asked.

"She was very kind about it," Blaine said, looking up. "We had endless conversations about it and she was my only confidante. We agreed to keep on dating, mostly because Tina thought she'd never find a guy who would love her back. And I do love her. I care about her. I'm just not attracted to her sexually. We even talked about getting married and starting a family. Everything was settled. Everything went smoothly, so uncomplicated. My parents accepted her, although they weren't particularly fond of me dating an Asian girl. I wanted to escape Ohio and Tina wanted to move to New York, too. We agreed to get an apartment together, and then, out of nowhere, she tells me she got back together with her high school sweetheart. She left me to figure out my mess by myself." Blaine slumped back into the cushions. "You don't know what it's like to feel completely alone, Kurt."

"You're not alone," Kurt disagreed. "You have a friend in me."

"You don't get it. Tina knew that I was gay, but she still loved me enough that she didn't mind never having a physical relationship with me. When we talked about having kids, she even agreed to an in vitro fertilization."

"It sounds like she was willing to take up a great burden for you."

"My parents were so happy when I introduced Tina to them. Now with her leaving me everything falls apart. How am I going to find another woman who's okay with me being gay?"

"Blaine, no offense, but all of this sounds like a story from a hundred years ago. You don't have to be with a woman just to please your parents. They can only manipulate you as long as you allow them to control your life. As long as you don't fight for what you really want you're just a puppet on strings for the people around you."

Blaine let out an angry huff and shook his head. "Just leave me alone for a minute, will you?"

Kurt gave him space to think about it and went into the bedroom, nervously doing his finger tapping routine to keep himself from panicking too much while listening for the balcony door, ready to jump up and follow Blaine.

Twenty minutes later Blaine appeared in the doorway again, in sweat pants and a Dalton hoodie, eyes clear and hiding any proof of his despair. "How about a round of cards?"

Kurt let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding and felt his panic subside. He joined Blaine in front of the fire. They didn't play for long. After a while the long day caught up with them and after Kurt's third yawn, Blaine got up. "We should get some sleep."

Kurt got up, too, and pointed to the couch. "I'll take the couch tonight." He didn't have to say that he didn't want for Blaine to sleep in the room with access to the balcony, it was understood.

They stood in front of the fire together, both lingering and staring at their feet. Kurt had the feeling Blaine wanted to say something, but he just shuffled his feet and kept his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

"Thank you for today," Blaine eventually said in a low voice.

"Don't mention it," Kurt replied quickly. "That's why I'm here." He blushed and felt stupid. Blaine left for the bedroom without looking at him again.

Kurt put the cardigan over the back of the couch and lay down still wearing the sweatpants and T-shirt, but he was too restless to sleep. The conversation with Tina kept repeating in his head and all the other things he'd learned about Blaine today. He didn't know how he was supposed to get Blaine's life back on the right track. The worst part seemed to be his parents' expectation of Blaine to continue the family business. Kurt had no idea why it was so important that it stayed in the hand of a family member. Granted, his own father owned a business, but Burt had never expected his son to take over the shop. He had always supported Kurt to do his own thing.

Kurt draped an arm over his eyes as they filled with tears. He tried to stifle his on-coming anxiety attack by taking deep breaths, but to no avail. He didn't know how long he'd lain there, trying to get control over his mind again, when he heard Blaine sneak out of the bedroom. Alarmed, Kurt sat up and gazed into the dark room, lit only by the glow of the dying fire.

They didn't say a word. Blaine just came over and took Kurt's hand, gently tugging and pulling him off the couch.

Kurt didn't hesitate. He followed him through the darkness into the bedroom. Blaine led him to the bed and Kurt slipped under the covers. Blaine lay down next to him.

What followed was like a dream.

Blaine placed his hand on Kurt's face, gently cupping his cheek and chin with his thumb tracing Kurt's lips. Kurt closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm hand caressing his face.

The hand went lower, fingers ghosting down his neck. Kurt reached up to hold Blaine's arm, not to stop it, but to touch it. Blaine stilled to allow Kurt to explore his arm, the muscles, the flesh. Kurt guided Blaine's hand lower on his stomach, skin on skin, but not south of the equator. Blaine's hand slipped underneath Kurt's shirt and up, stroking his chest and nipples and Kurt couldn't help but moan softly at the touch.

Blaine sat up and Kurt watched him take off his T-shirt in the dim light coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Without speaking, Kurt pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it away. His heart was pounding out of his chest, but he ignored it.

Blaine lay down next to him again and scooted closer ever so slightly, until his mouth was on Kurt's shoulder, putting soft kisses there and slowly moving on to his collar bone and neck, letting his tongue flick over his chin and jaw. Moving ever so slowly as if asking permission for every inch he covered with kisses and explored with fingertips.

Kurt's hands found their way into the curls on the back of Blaine's head and he guided him until they were mouth on mouth. The moment their lips connected it was like a spark set off explosions inside Kurt's chest and the slow motion was instantly set to fast forward. They kissed passionately and Kurt didn't want it to stop. They were attacking each other hungrily, clutching each other desperately and with a yearning Kurt hadn't known lay within him. Since he'd met Blaine everything felt intense and urgent and imminent.

Without warning Blaine's hand was on Kurt's crotch, delicately feeling the outlines of the erection beneath the thin fabric, as if the kiss was distraction enough for Kurt not to notice what Blaine was up to in the nether regions. Kurt would have stopped him if it wasn't for the almost embarrassingly innocent way Blaine was touching him, as if this was the first time – and maybe it was – that he touched another man and was afraid that his hand would be cut off. Kurt decided against his first instinct to stop him, so Blaine wouldn't feel rejected and have his first sexual encounter with a man afflicted with a negative response.

And of course, it was hot. It had been a long time since Kurt last had had any sexual action, and he felt incredibly attracted to Blaine.

Blaine grew more confident with every passing second that Kurt didn't push him off. He tightened his grasp on Kurt and gave him a few strokes that made Kurt moan into the kiss.

"Oh, God!" Blaine pulled back, breathing hard and dropping on his back for a break, his chest heaving like he'd run a marathon.

Kurt reached out and put his hand on Blaine's chest just to feel the way it moved.

It was Kurt's turn to explore. He leaned over and put his mouth on Blaine's chest, licking and sucking his nipples, teasing the sensitive skin with his stud and loving the sensation of them getting hard and standing up beneath his tongue. Blaine squirmed beneath him, his hands on Kurt's shoulders and in his hair. Kurt moved over and on top of Blaine until he straddled him and dipped in for another kiss.

Blaine's response took Kurt off guard. The smaller man caught him in a firm embrace, whimpering when their hard-ons collided, only separated by the fabric of their sweatpants.

"Kurt," Blaine said his name, pleadingly, the only spoken words since they'd started. "Kurt, oh, Kurt." Blaine squeezed him harder, pressing his whole body against him urgently until a shudder went through him and he arched his back and let out another long whimper. Then Blaine's limbs relaxed and his arms fell to his sides as he lay spent and satisfied.

Kurt slowly climbed off of Blaine and lay on his side of the bed, not wanting to disturb him in his aftermath and silently waiting until Blaine got up to go into the bathroom. Kurt was still hard, but he was content with just laying on his back, breathing and processing what had happened. It had happened so fast. Kurt had to smile giddily. How adorable was the way that Blaine came at first contact like a horny teenage boy? It made Kurt wonder whether this really had been Blaine's first sexual experience with a guy. Or at all, since he had claimed he never had sexual intentions towards Tina.

Kurt told himself he should be regretting this, he told himself he shouldn't allow Blaine to get so close, and for them to cross this line. But he couldn't feel bad about kissing and touching Blaine, not when it felt so good, when it felt so right, when it felt like his last shot at finding something true.

A moment later Blaine slipped back into bed beside him without saying a word. His hand moved across the mattress until it found Kurt's and their fingers twined together. That was the moment when Kurt finally relaxed and fell asleep.

* * *

 **Happy New Year! :)**


	7. How To Dance With Somebody - Part I

**Chapter 7 – How To Dance With Somebody – Part I**

 **You guys know me. Once I start posting Part I chapters, the story's going to be never ending. I'm not sorry. ;)**

* * *

The next morning Kurt woke up to find Blaine hugging him with his head on Kurt's chest and one arm around his waist. Kurt didn't know what to make of it. It was warm and nice for sure, but he was afraid that Blaine might be clinging onto him. Just like he clearly expected Kurt to solve all his problems within two weeks.

Kurt managed to slip out from underneath Blaine without waking him up. He used the bathroom and got dressed, not returning to the bedroom, afraid of getting sucked back into bed. He had to get to work and he needed to get Blaine to come with him.

"Good morning, Blainey days," Kurt called into the bedroom, using the cute nickname he'd picked up from Tina. "Rise and shine."

Blaine groaned and covered his face with a pillow.

"Please get up," Kurt said, coming closer. "I have to get to work."

"How about I pay you to stay here?" Blaine's muffled voice came from underneath the pillow.

"Don't be ridiculous," Kurt sighed. "I can't lose my job. But I don't want to leave you alone, either. Didn't you like to hang out at the diner yesterday?"

"I did," Blaine tossed the pillow away and rolled on his back, rubbing his face. "But it's so early," he yawned and slowly sat up. "I mean it. I can give you money," he offered with a shrug. "I made you help me, I might as well pay you."

"I'm not taking your money, stupid," Kurt replied with a heavy sigh. "Helping you isn't a job for me and don't insult me by offering to pay me ever again. Now get up and come with me, please. I can ask for personal days for the rest of the week, if you insist, but today I have to show up."

Blaine watched him leave the bedroom, baffled and confused. He liked the way Kurt took charge, but he wondered why Kurt was so upset about him wanting to give him money.

Blaine made his way to the bathroom and while he brushed his teeth he wondered if his offering to pay for Kurt's help made Kurt feel like sort of a prostitute. He blushed when he remembered his little assault on Kurt from the night before. It had been incredibly hot to feel up Kurt's body and just to hold him and kiss him. Blaine hadn't meant to use him to get off, he just couldn't keep his hands off of Kurt. It was like he was drawn to him and not just sexually. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was about Kurt, but he felt immensely attracted to him. He wasn't sure if he was idolizing Kurt, because he had rescued him from the bridge that night or if it could be more.

Blaine got dressed and followed Kurt to the tube station, just like the day before. He wondered if they were going to talk about their little sexual encounter last night, but Kurt didn't say a word about it and Blaine was too embarrassed to mention it. It was like a silent agreement: What happened in the dark stayed in the dark. And yet Blaine couldn't stop thinking about it. It was the hottest experience he'd ever had and he wanted more of it.

* * *

"We need to start making plans for you," Kurt insisted while wiping the table Blaine had sat down at. "You need to become independent. If you want to break from your parents and live your own life first thing you need is a job and an apartment."

"How about doing this?" Blaine said, opening his arms to embrace the whole of the diner.

"You don't know how to be a waiter," Kurt replied, skeptically.

"But I can act like one," Blaine grinned. "If I want to become an actor I can start by being the most charming waiter in the Spotlight Diner."

"You really want to become an actor?" Kurt asked, surprised. He knew Blaine had the talent, his immediate success at the workshop was proof enough.

"Yes, but I want to be a real actor on Broadway and not some phoney Hollywood star."

Kurt smiled and didn't protest. If anything it would help him stay close to Blaine in the next two weeks, and he needn't worry that Blaine grew bored of hanging out at the diner.

"Good luck talking to the manager."

Blaine went over to ask the manager for a job and after just a minute of interviewing Blaine flashed Kurt a thumbs-up and followed the manager into the backroom. Another minute later he returned wearing the diner's uniform and a pen and a notebook for taking orders.

"I'm impressed," Kurt said, astonished. "He's usually hypercritical about the people he hires."

"He says he needs more guys in his team," Blaine shrugged. "And he already knows I have a good singing voice from yesterday."

Kurt remained skeptical. He couldn't imagine Blaine being happy by waiting on people. He was the son of a business man, a rich kid. This kind of work was way beneath him and Blaine would get tired of it eventually. But over the course of the day Kurt watched the way Blaine was charming each and every customer as well as his coworkers. Blaine would flash his smile at everyone and chat sweetly and chuckle adorably. It didn't matter that he was slow and mixed up orders and couldn't carry a tray with one hand. He was constantly humming popular melodies and reminded the customers that they could order songs as well. Over the course of the day he broke out into song three times without even a customer's request.

"What a show-off," one of the waitresses muttered to Kurt. It looked like this job was just an opportunity for Blaine to sing. But he did it with so much passion and talent that he had everyone under his spell, especially the customers.

Even the manager was impressed by Blaine's skills to manipulate customers into ordering more food and beverages and making them stay longer than they wanted. Kurt was proud to see how well Blaine managed to fit into the team, but he was a little bit jealous as well, although he couldn't really pinpoint what he was jealous of.

Maybe it was the easy way Blaine could chat up people and smile and laugh as if there weren't demons living inside him that had driven him up on a bridge only a few days prior.

Or it was the fact that Blaine's attention had shifted and he wasn't sitting at the bar solely talking to Kurt anymore, but flirting with everyone – girls and guys.

"Hey Kurt, what's up?" A tall blond guy wearing a woollen hat and a bright smile approached the bar. Kurt instantly smiled back and stepped around the counter to give the man a hug.

"Adam, it's so nice to see you," Kurt said warmly.

"Well, you're hardly around anywhere anymore, so I thought I'd stop by here to see you."

"I'm sorry," Kurt replied. "I'm just so busy working that I don't go out much anymore. And you know I can't on the weekends."

"That's too bad. Everybody misses you," Adam leaned closer. "But if I had to place a bet I'd say I miss you the most."

"Aw, stop it," Kurt playfully punched Adam's shoulder.

Blaine noticed the tall blond man at the bar talking – no, _flirting_ – with Kurt and it annoyed him. He quickly walked over to remind Kurt of his presence when he caught their conversation.

"How's your dad?" the blond guy was asking and instantly a dark cloud fell over Kurt's face.

"No changes," he answered in almost a whisper.

"I'm sorry," the guy replied with sympathy. "If you need anything, you know you can call me anytime."

"Thank you," Kurt said in a flat voice.

Blaine stepped up to Kurt's side. Kurt had never mentioned that something was wrong with his father, so Blaine made a mental note to ask Kurt about it later.

"I need napkins for table three," Blaine said, a silly excuse to approach Kurt and check out the new guy from close-up. "Welcome to the Spotlight Diner," he said with a fake smile.

"Oh, he's not a customer, he's a friend of mine," Kurt quickly said as he gave Blaine a bunch of napkins. "Blaine, this is Adam, a fellow actor. We met at NYADA where I went to college. Adam, this is my, uhm, new friend Blaine."

"Hello, new friend Blaine," Adam said with a smile and shook Blaine's hand. "It's always good making new friends."

"Would you like something to drink?" Blaine asked politely.

"No, thanks. I'd better dash. I just wanted to check on Kurt." With that Adam turned back to Kurt, giving him another sympathetic look. "I mean it, Kurt. Whenever you need to talk, I'm here for you. You don't have to get through this alone."

He wrapped his arms around Kurt and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Adam," Kurt replied and gently freed himself from the embrace. "I appreciate it."

"And think about the party tonight, Kurt," Adam said. "It would be great if you came."

He smiled sweetly and left.

Blaine watched Kurt attentively. "What party?"

"Adam invited me to a private party, but I told him that I have the show and afterwards it's too late to party."

"He will be disappointed if you don't show up," Blaine said, testing the waters. "He's clearly got the hots for you."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "We had a fling once, but we were never really together," Kurt said. "After Finn died I had a hard time allowing myself to be happy."

"You didn't have a boyfriend, because your stepbrother died?" Blaine was puzzled.

"Finn was Rachel's boyfriend," Kurt explained. "She was heartbroken. How could I be in a happy relationship when my best friend and roommate just lost the love of her life?"

"It must have been hard," Blaine said, not knowing what else to say.

"Anyway," Kurt said in a happier tone. "We should go out. I know a few gay clubs where you can meet guys and just be yourself. You'll like it. I remember it was a big thing for me going to a gay club for the first time. I was a bit intimidated to be surrounded by so many gay men, but it was also very freeing in a way. Just knowing there are so many gay people out there."

"I'm okay with just knowing you," Blaine said with a shrug. Part of him was intimidated by the idea of meeting other gay men and another part of him wanted Kurt for himself. He didn't want more men flirting with Kurt in front of him. "I really don't need to go to a club."

"As long as you're aware that I'm not your guinea pig," Kurt replied with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" Blaine narrowed his eyes.

"You know what I mean," Kurt whispered and gave him a meaningful glance. "You should explore your sexual desires, I even encourage you to do so. But it shouldn't be with me."

Blaine blushed at being reminded of last night. He was embarrassed, but he also felt rebutted. "Is it because you're afraid of falling in love with me and then losing me if I decide to jump after all?"

"No," Kurt simply said and didn't want to elaborate.

"But you _do_ like to kiss me, don't you?" Blaine asked, a bit concerned and a lot curious.

"Yes, I do," Kurt replied honestly, and this time it was him blushing.

Blaine visibly relaxed again and showed his true smile. He bumped his hips into Kurt's. "By the way, are you going to explain to me what your tattoo means?"

Kurt smiled back. Blaine had a cute way of letting subjects drop and not pressing on.

"It was a misspelling," Kurt explained with a wry grin. "It was supposed to be _It gets better_ , and then we fixed it into _It's got_ _Bette_ _Midler_. For me it has become a symbol for how life works. You want things to go a certain way, but you end up being somewhere else, and that's okay, too. It may not make sense at first, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy with the way it turned out."

"Wow, that's kind of deep," Blaine said. He took a breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, then."

"Okay, what?" Kurt was confused.

"Okay, let's go to a gay club tonight."

"Great!" Kurt's face lit up in surprise. He was glad that Blaine decided to do something fun and at the same time face his fears. Kurt was sure that if Blaine explored his true self a bit more, he'd grow more confident in being who he was.

They had a good day together working at the diner, then going to the workshop and stepping into the roles of Gideon and Felix. Later they were spending some quality time in the backroom of the Peter Pan theatre. However, this time Kurt evaded deep and meaningful topics as well as every attempt of Blaine trying to kiss him. To distract Blaine, Kurt allowed him to experiment with the stage makeup and they laughed a lot in front of the vanity mirror.

* * *

After the show was over, Kurt insisted that they stopped by his apartment, so he could pack an overnight bag as well as grab an outfit for the dance club. Blaine took the opportunity to snoop around a little. He found a picture of Kurt with an older man wearing a baseball cap who had his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Is this your dad?" he held the picture frame up.

Kurt instantly tensed up. "Yes," he said and continued stuffing clothes into his bag.

"Tell me about your parents," Blaine tilted his head curiously.

"Well, my mother died when I was eight," Kurt said, not facing Blaine and rummaging in his closet.

"I'm sorry," Blaine meant it. He'd never experienced the loss of a family member before. Even his grandparents were still alive. Kurt on the other hand had already lost his mother and his stepbrother. Apparently this was the reason why Kurt couldn't talk about death. When Blaine was fantasizing about killing himself, he never really grasped the amount of grief he would cause his family. In a selfish way he wanted them to suffer and blame themselves after he was gone, but seeing the way Kurt was still affected by the loss of his mother and stepbrother, Blaine couldn't help feeling childish for wanting to punish his family with his death.

Blaine studied the happy and loving faces on the picture. It looked like Kurt and his father had a good relationship. Blaine couldn't think of one family picture of himself and his parents that wasn't posed with faked smiles.

"Do you see your dad often?" Blaine asked, remembering how Adam has asked about Kurt's father.

"I try to see him as much as I can," Kurt answered curtly. He went past Blaine and into the bathroom to get his products.

"Is he sick?" Blaine asked in further investigation.

There was a crash in the bathroom and Blaine quickly ran over to find Kurt standing in the pieces of a broken perfume bottle.

"Are you all right?" Blaine rushed to Kurt's side.

Kurt dropped to his knees to pick up the pieces. It was then that Blaine noticed how much Kurt's hands were shaking.

"Wait, don't touch anything," Blaine went down on his knees, too, avoiding the puddle of perfume and shards and grabbing both of Kurt's hands. "Stand up. Let me help you to the couch."

"I have to clean up this mess," Kurt protested weakly, his voice wobbly. "It's Rachel's favorite-"

"Not now," Blaine replied and grasped Kurt's hands firmly to pull him up to his feet. He led him into the living room and down on the couch. Kurt tiredly lay on the side and buried his face into a pillow.

"You seem exhausted," Blaine said, rubbing Kurt's back. "We don't have to go to a club anymore."

"Just let me nap for a few minutes," Kurt said closing his eyes. He was out in a second.

"Okay," Blaine said gently and remained sitting on the couch next to a sleeping Kurt.

Blaine wondered what had happened to himself that he was absolutely content just sitting here, watching this man sleep and hoping he had sweet dreams, because he deserved to be happy.

Blaine pulled his feet up and made himself comfortable next to Kurt, running his fingers softly through Kurt's hair. He didn't know how long they'd stayed like this and he wouldn't have moved at all, if Rachel hadn't come home.

Her eyes grew large when she saw them all snuggly on the couch with Kurt sleeping. Blaine put his finger to his lips to keep her quiet.

She grinned so hard Blaine was afraid her grin would explode her face.

"Aww, you guys are so cute together," she murmured and gave Blaine a hug from over the back of the couch. "Wherever you came from, I hope we get to keep you."

"Thanks," Blaine whispered back, confused, but positive she meant well.

Figuring this was his chance to find out more about Kurt, Blaine carefully got up without waking his friend and followed Rachel into the kitchenette.

"So how long have you guys known each other?" Blaine asked.

"Sophomore year in high school," Rachel said proudly as she put on water for tea. "We were in glee club together. We also went to NYADA together and now we're in Peter Pan together. Well, sort of."

"Yeah, it's a shame he has to be the understudy." Blaine crossed his arms.

"No, that's his own fault," she said with a sigh.

"How can you say that?" Blaine was appalled.

"Well, they offered him the part," Rachel said with a shrug. "He could be on that stage every night, but he declined and asked to be the understudy instead."

"Why would he do that?" Blaine remained skeptical. This didn't make any sense.

"Because of his dad, of course," Rachel looked up. "And I get it, you know? Don't think I'm heartless. But this isn't what Burt had wanted for him and if you would ask him, he'd tell Kurt to get his butt back onstage, instead of sitting and waiting-" Rachel broke up and shook her head. Suddenly there were tears in her eyes and she wiped them away. "It's all just so horrible."

"What is?" Blaine asked carefully. "What about his dad?"

"Kurt hasn't told you?" Rachel poured the hot water into three mugs. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's not my place to tell you. I might have said too much already."

Blaine didn't push her to say more, although he was dying to know. "I take it this – whatever it is – had happened about three months ago?"

"Yes, coincidentally on the same day Kurt had gotten the part of Peter Pan. When he called home to tell the good news- well. I can't believe it's already been three months since."

"Why did he lie to me about it?" Blaine asked. "He told me that they only offered him the part as an understudy, he didn't say that it had been his own decision."

"Maybe he doesn't want to explain his decision to everyone," Rachel shrugged. "Or he already believes it's the truth himself."

She handed Blaine a mug of fruity smelling tea and took the other two into the living room to check on Kurt. "Wake up, sweetie," she trilled into Kurt's ear. "There's a hot guy waiting for you in real life."

Kurt rubbed his face and slowly sat up. "God, did I really fall asleep?"

"It's okay," Blaine said quickly. "I mean, it's been a long day and you didn't get to sleep much the last few nights-" he stopped when he saw the dirty grin spreading on Rachel's face.

"Uhh, tell me more about the hot nights you've spent together," she urged happily.

Kurt shook his head in denial, but his blushed cheeks told another story. Blaine had meant to indicate that Kurt hadn't slept because he'd stayed awake, watching over Blaine, but they couldn't deny their sensual encounter from last night.

"Okay, keep your stories to yourselves," Rachel said, fake-pouting. "So, what are you guys up to tonight?"

"We were going to go to a club," Blaine said, not sure if that was still on the agenda.

"Oh, good idea. You do that!" Rachel encouraged them. "Kurt needs to get out more often."

Kurt rolled his eyes at that remark and took a sip of his tea. "This isn't about me," he told her. "Blaine's never been to a gay club before."

Rachel arched her brows at him. "How come?"

Blaine just shrugged. He felt silly admitting that up until now he'd gone through life as a straight man. Meeting Rachel was very interesting to Blaine, if only for her perception of him. He had only met her twice and very briefly, and both times he had just been a gay guy to her, because of his connection to Kurt. For the first time in his life Blaine found it very comforting to be perceived as a gay man by someone who didn't know _anything_ about him. In the past years he had struggled so hard to be seen as a straight man, but when he was with Kurt he didn't mind at all that he was just the gay dude who was with Kurt.

"Rachel, I have to tell you something," Kurt suddenly said in a timid voice. "I broke your perfume bottle."

"No!" Rachel gasped and her face crumbled. "Kurt, it was my favorite! And it was expensive!"

"I know," Kurt replied. "I'm so sorry. I will pay you back, of course. But it will take some time until I have the money."

"It was still almost full, Kurt," Rachel complained. "Couldn't you have broken something else? You're such a klutz sometimes."

"I will pay you," Blaine said, getting his wallet out. "It's my fault that the bottle's broken, anyway."

"How's that?" Rachel arched a brow.

"I told Kurt to hurry and pack his things to spend the night at my place again," Blaine explained.

Rachel's eyes grew big at that little tidbit of information. "Oh, la la!"

Kurt refrained from rolling his eyes at the fact that Blaine kept calling the penthouse in the Astoria _his_ place. "You don't have to do that," Kurt tried to stop Blaine. "And it's not your fault at all. You weren't even in the same room."

"How much is the perfume?" Blaine insisted on paying.

"Sixty bucks," Rachel said with a pout.

Blaine gave her the money and she accepted it without any fuss.

"I will pay you back, then," Kurt told Blaine. "Thanks for covering in the meantime."

"No problem," Blaine stuffed his wallet back into his pocket. He wanted to tell Kurt that he didn't need to pay him back, but he knew that Kurt would make a big deal out of it, so Blaine didn't say anything.

"Anyway," Kurt said, standing up. "I'll go change into a dance outfit and then we're good to go."

"Oh, I wish I could come with you," Rachel said, pouting. "We all have to go out together on the weekend!"

"You know I can't on the weekends," Kurt told her.

"Right. I forgot. Sorry," she held her hands up. Then she scooted closer to Blaine and nudged his knee. "So, Blaine, tell me all about you. What is it you do?"

"Well, I graduated college this year and started working. I'm on vacation right now, sort of. I wanted to quit my job, but my boss told me to take a few weeks off instead and come back when high season starts."

"Wow, you have a cool boss," Rachel said.

"He's actually my father," Blaine scrunched up his face.

"You told your father you wanted to quit?" Kurt cut in, half-way in the process of buttoning a purple shirt. "You never mentioned that."

"Yeah, I threw a childish tantrum about how much I hated everything and then I stormed out," Blaine explained with a shrug.

"Oh, my God!" Rachel was laughing.

"That's good!" Kurt said eagerly. "So he already knows how you feel about the job, that's great, Blaine."

"Well, I do complain all the time about everything, but that's kind of a family trait. We're all big complainers."

"That's okay, as long as you're being honest about your feelings. It's a start," Kurt said proudly. "And you've got to start somewhere."

Blaine just shrugged again. As far as his father was concerned, Blaine knew that the man didn't care about Blaine's feelings, honest or dishonest, he just wanted his son to carry on the family legacy.

"And where will you guys start off tonight?" Rachel asked, grinning.

"I thought I'd show Blaine around a few gay bars, before we hit a dance club," Kurt explained and vanished behind the bedroom curtain again. "There's the Stonewall in the East Village, that's pretty famous and good for a start," he called out.

"Oh yeah, you told me about it," Rachel called back. "Is that the one with the great cocktails?"

Kurt didn't answer and they figured he was busy checking himself in the mirror and contemplating a last minute change of outfit, so Rachel and Blaine made small talk for a minute.

Suddenly Kurt came back storming into the living room, clearly agitated. "Rachel, have you seen the letter that was on my nightstand?"

"You mean the one you put on the kitchen table Sunday night?" Rachel arched her brows. "I took it to send it off."

Kurt looked at her in clear shock and went ashen. "Oh, no," Kurt lifted his arms to clutch his head. "No, no, no."

"You even wrote a note on it, asking me to take it with me," Rachel reminded him. "I was going to go to the post office anyway, because I've got this cute anniversary card for my dads that I told you about?"

"Oh God, what did I do?" Kurt leaned heavily against the couch as if his legs wouldn't support him anymore. "I met Blaine and I forgot! I forgot about the letter!"

Blaine watched Kurt closely and wondered why that letter was so important that he was so distraught about it. "Who was that letter for?" he asked, but Kurt ignored him.

"When did you send it off? On Monday?" Kurt demanded from Rachel. "Maybe it's not too late."

"Relax," Rachel said, raising her hands in a calming gesture. "I didn't get to the post office yet. It's still in my purse."

"Oh, my God, thank you!" Kurt looked as relieved as someone who just got off the gallows.

"Here it is," Rachel went to retrieve her purse and fished a letter out of its depth. "See, your post-it still sticks on it. I'm sorry, I assumed it should be sent off."

Kurt took the letter back, ripped the post-it note away and clutched the letter to his chest. "Not yet," he said. "I mean, yes, it was supposed to be sent off, but then I met Blaine and- and things didn't go as planned. I need at least two more weeks. So please don't send it off yet."

"Well, I won't anymore," Rachel huffed and raised her hands. "If you want it to be sent, go and do it yourself."

"Who's that letter for?" Blaine asked again.

Finally Kurt looked at him. "I'm sorry I scared you both," he apologized. "I didn't mean to be an annoying drama queen about this stupid letter. Everything's fine. Let's get going, Blaine. We still need to stop by the Ast- _your_ place before we hit the clubs." He didn't want Rachel to know that he'd spent the last couple of nights in a fancy hotel and that Blaine was Richy Rich kind of rich.

Also he didn't want Blaine to know who the letter was for. So Kurt went back to his bedroom and hid the fateful letter in a drawer of his nightstand.

Blaine wanted to ask Kurt more about the letter, but he was afraid that a mere question would trigger another Niagara falls situation. Kurt had done enough crying in the last 24 hours.

"Ready to dance the night away?" Blaine asked when Kurt came out again, carrying his overnight bag.

"Ready to dance the night away," Kurt repeated with a dazzling smile.

 **Thank you for reading!**


	8. How To Dance With Somebody - Part II

**Chapter 8 – How To Dance With Somebody – Part II**

They took a cab to Blaine's apartment to drop off Kurt's bag. Also Blaine wanted to change into something nice as well, but he stood indecisive over his suitcases.

Kurt instantly came to his rescue. "I've seen some gorgeous shirts in your second suitcase. Pick a primary color, so you'll stand out in the crowd. Yes, red is good. Oh, and you have this fabulous dark blue bow-tie with red stripes, you should wear that."

Blaine looked up, stunned. "You know my bow-tie collection?"

"Of course I do," Kurt confessed with a smile. "I found it last night and I couldn't resist looking at them. It's an impressive collection."

"Thanks," Blaine was quite proud of his bow-ties, but no one had ever appreciated them before. He changed into the clothes of Kurt's suggestion and found that he looked dashing. He reached for the bow tie, but Kurt grabbed it first and stood before him.

"Let me help you with that," Kurt offered.

"I can tie my own bow ties," Blaine protested.

"I know you can, but I want to, please?" Kurt gave him puppy eyes and bit down on his lower lip. "I love bow ties. Especially on you. You wear them so well."

"Thanks," Blaine murmured, not used to that particular compliment. He stood still as Kurt fussed with his collar and bow tie and found that he liked it, all of it: the proximity to Kurt, Kurt's eyes fixated on him, his hands so close to his neck. It was intimate in a way Blaine had never known. It made him wish not to be dressed, but undressed by Kurt.

Blaine found he didn't need to go out. Instead, he wanted to untie Kurt's neckerchief and undo the rest of his shirt to place wet kisses all over Kurt's neck and chest. He grabbed Kurt's waist and put on his most seductive gaze. "I don't want to go out anymore," he murmured. "I've got all that I want right here."

"Stop it, Blaine," Kurt chided and wound himself out of Blaine's grasp. "We're going out. It's good for you, trust me."

"I don't want to meet other guys," Blaine protested.

"You don't have to meet anyone," Kurt promised. "Let's just go out for a couple of hours to dance and have fun and see other gay people. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, okay?"

"Okay," Blaine agreed with a pout.

* * *

They took another cab into the East Village and Blaine grew excited eventually when he saw the neon lights and all the people coming from shows and going to explore the city nightlife just like they were.

"So what are your favorite places?" he asked when they got out into the street and made the rest of the way by foot, huddled into their coats.

"Well, the Stonewall's great," Kurt said. "They have dress up perfomances and shows, and later when the bar opens up we can have some really good cocktails. Also, there's the Mean Fiddler, it's in the theatre district, but at night it becomes a very crowded elbow to elbow pub with club rejects, which isn't that great."

"Okay," Blaine said and quickened his pace to keep up with Kurt's long strides.

"Then there's Ty's which is a man's man gay bar, if you get my drift. You'll find lots of bear facial hair there, if that's what you're into." Kurt grinned.

"Definitely not," Blaine rejected the idea.

"Good, then we'll skip that one," Kurt laughed. "Oh, I just remember the Eagle's a nice karaoke place. That's your thing, isn't it? But it's in Chelsea. Maybe we'll do that another night."

They were just about to enter The Stonewall when a loud voice called out Kurt's name.

"Look, who's here! If it isn't Kurt Hummel in the flesh!"

Kurt stopped short and slowly turned around to greet his aquaintance. Blaine could tell by Kurt's hesitant reaction that he wasn't happy to run into this guy.

"Hello Sebastian," Kurt said flatly.

Blaine regarded the young man curiously. Sebastian was tall and handsome with a filthy smile and a sensuous look that made Blaine blush.

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you for ages," Sebastian came closer and gave Kurt's shoulder a friendly nudge. "Believe it or not, but I've missed you!"

"I don't believe it," Kurt replied coolly.

"Who's your friend?" Sebastian gave Blaine a once-over and apparently found him worth the trouble of talking to Kurt.

Kurt reluctantly introduced them.

"Hello handsome," Sebastian shook hands with Blaine and held on to Blaine's hand for longer than necessary. "Nice to meet you."

"My pleasure," Blaine replied with a smile.

It didn't take a psychic to sense that Kurt and Sebastian didn't like each other. They were sickenly sweet to one another. On a whim Blaine decided to act as if he was interested in Sebastian, just to spite Kurt and maybe to make Kurt a little bit jealous. After all it had been Kurt's idea that Blaine found himself a guy other than Kurt.

"So where are you guys heading?" Sebastian asked.

"Just grabbing a few drinks at Stonewall and later moving on to a karaoke bar," Kurt said, knowing that Sebastian was unlikely to join them at these locations.

Just as he thought, Sebastian laughed condescendingly. "And as sexy as that sounds what do you say we shake things up? My boys and I are going to Babylon, that's where the real party's at. Why don't you join us?"

"No, thanks," Kurt said without even considering the invite.

"Why not?" Blaine argued and enjoyed the way Kurt's eyebrows arched.

"Yeah, why not?" Sebastian joined into the discussion. "All the other venues are way too small and stuffy. At least in Babylon there are no hobos and junkies on the dance floor."

Since Blaine suffered a bit of claustrophobia, he voted for the bigger space. "Sounds good. Let's go with him," he said.

Kurt took him by the sleeve and leaned in confidentially. "I can't afford Babylon," Kurt said in a whisper to make sure Sebastian didn't overhear. "One has to buy a ticket to get in and it's not cheap."

"Don't worry, let me take care of the expenses," Blaine said generously.

"Are you sure you want to go with _him_?" Kurt asked quietly, raising his eyebrows again to indicate that he didn't think it was a good idea.

"Yeah, sure, he's hot," Blaine replied casually. He liked the shocked expression on Kurt's face. Maybe at the end of the night Kurt would regret making Blaine look out for a one night stand.

"I suppose he is," Kurt murmured and follwed. They got into another cab with Sebastian and his entourage, two guys with expensive clothes and bored expressions. Sebastian did all the talking and he purposefully only talked to Blaine, but never really expected an answer. So all Blaine did was nod and chuckle and throw in the occasional flirty smile, making sure Kurt noticed.

* * *

When they arrived at Babylon, Sebastian made his way to the front of the queue and talked to the doorman who let them all pass. Blaine raised his brows, impressed. Sebastian led them to the bar and ordered something alcoholic for everyone but Kurt, whom Sebastian offered a Shirley Temple. Blaine knew enough about cocktails to know that it was a sickenly sweet non-alcoholic drink that was often served to children dining with adults and therefore it was an insult of Sebastian to order one for Kurt. From the looks the two men exchanged Blaine could tell that Sebastian enjoyed mocking Kurt and Kurt despised him for it, but he simply muttered a very clipped thank-you and accepted his drink.

"And a vodka stinger straight up for Blaine," Sebastian offered Blaine a cocktail glass with a green liquid.

Kurt shot him a dirty look. "You're an ass, Sebastian."

Blaine looked from one to another. Clearly he didn't have enough knowledge of cocktails to know why Kurt was upset about Sebastian giving him a Stinger. One thing was sure, the green drink was heavy on the alcohol, but it had a sweet mint flavor that Blaine liked.

"Do you like it?" Sebastian asked. He put a hand on Blaine's arm, stroking him. "You know, the classic stinger was considered an ideal nightcap for a night out in New York back in the fifties. They are mentioned in a couple of Cary Grant movies."

"I love those old movies," Blaine gushed. "They're classy."

"Dance with me, Blaine," Sebastian grabbed Blaine's arm and pulled him to the dance floor, along with their drinks. The whole place thumped with music and all the guests were laughing and chatting. Kurt hadn't promised too much, it truly was exhilarating to be among a crowd of gay people, celebrating and having a good time. Blaine tilted his head back and downed his drink. Sebastian released him off the glass and shoved their empty glasses into the hands of a nearby dancer to dispose of them.

"You're rude," Blaine commented with a laugh.

"And you're super hot," Sebastian danced closer and never took his hungry eyes off of him.

Blaine felt giddy, on his way to a slight buzz. Sebastian's attention was very flattering, Blaine would never have dreamed that he'd be so popular in the gay world and he had to admit that Sebastian's self-confidence was enticing. He was quite the opposite of Kurt who was too cautious and too easily upset about everything.

After a while the music shifted to something slower and moodier. The dancing crowd merged together and grabbed their dance partners around waist and shoulders. Many of them had obviously waited for a chance to touch their partners and most of them had clear intentions for inappropriate touching.

Kurt turned away so he didn't have to face the dance floor anymore. It was gross enough to watch Sebastian hunt Blaine down, Kurt needn't witness him taking slow dancing for a miserable excuse to grope Blaine. Although at this point Blaine was likely to enjoy that kind of groping. If attention was what Blaine needed at the moment, then Kurt was fine with it, even if said attention came from a man-eater such as Sebastian. This was better than having no one hit on Blaine and his first visit at a gay bar leaving him feel unwanted. Although with Blaine's looks this scenario would have been unlikely anyway.

Kurt sipped his Shirley Temple and avoided to return any gazes coming his way. He wasn't here to flirt and he wasn't in the mood to be hit on by some stupid drunk idiots.

Suddenly someone tapped his shoulder.

"May I have this dance?"

Kurt slightly flinched in his seat and turned around. Blaine stood next to him, extending his right hand.

"What?" Kurt asked, somewhat baffled.

"I'd like to have this dance with you," Blaine prodded with an irresistable smile. "Come on, it was your idea to go out. You might as well dance with me."

"I thought you were dancing with Sebastian," Kurt said, scanning the crowd for that hated face.

"I was," Blaine said. "But you're the one who's supposed to show me the bright side of life, so how about you do your job?" Blaine said it jokingly, but Kurt didn't find it funny.

"It's not my job," he replied. "And I'm not really good at slow dancing," Kurt tried to excuse himself.

"I can show you how to slow dance," Blaine offered. "But only if you agree to play the part of the woman. I've never slow danced with a guy before." Blaine scrunched up his face apologetically. It was adorable.

Kurt bit his lips to hide a smile. "If it makes you happy, you can be my Patrick Swayze and I'll be your Jennifer Grey."

"Dirty dancing, huh?" Blaine's smile expanded. He took Kurt's hand and pulled him into the crowd.

Kurt could tell that Blaine was tipsy, but his eyes captured Kurt's and he drowned in them as they slow-danced in the middle of the dance floor, with Kurt's arms wrapped around Blaine's shoulders and Blaine's hands steady on Kurt's waist. It was nice. It was beyond Kurt's expectations of what it would be like to dance with Blaine. He made Kurt feel like he was the only one in the room and Kurt's heart was doing some very serious beating.

"What does falling in love feel like?" Blaine suddenly asked.

Kurt arched his brows. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I've had crushes, mostly on straight guys in high school and one incredibly hot Spanish teacher who looked like Ricky Martin. But I've never been in love with someone. I've never been anyone's boyfriend."

"Me neither," Blaine said. "Well, I've been Tina's boyfriend, I guess. But I've always wondered what it would be like to truly fall for someone. I'm afraid of it, too. I'm not sure I can trust someone that easily. I trusted Tina, she was okay to keep my secret, but then she dropped me the first chance she got."

"Don't be angry with her," Kurt said softly. "She did the right thing at the right time."

"Yes," Blaine said. "I wouldn't have met you if it weren't for her."

"You make it sound like _this_ was meant to be," Kurt smiled wistfully, pointing from Blaine to himself.

"Maybe fate brought us together," Blaine mused.

Kurt chuckled, amused.

"Don't you believe in fate? I didn't, either. But now that I've met you-" Blaine stopped himself and watched Kurt's expression carefully. "I'm afraid I sound corny." He gave Kurt a wry grin. "Don't you like romance?" Blaine asked, seriously interested.

"I used to," Kurt answered honestly. "When I was younger I was a hopeless romantic."

"What changed?" Blaine wanted to know. His hands slid around Kurt's back, pulling him ever so slightly closer as they continued to slowly twirl around.

"I've never met _the_ _one,"_ Kurt said with a one sided shrug. "And now it's too late for me."

"It's never too late," Blaine said in a low voice. He captured Kurt's face with both hands and stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

Kurt surrendered into the kiss. He didn't know if Blaine would remember any of this conversation tomorrow or if he was too wasted already. It didn't matter. Kissing him always felt the right thing to do.

"You take my breath away," Kurt said with a little moan in his voice when their lips parted.

Blaine pulled him closer until there wasn't an inch left between them and they slowly rocked and grinded against one another in proper dirty dancing style while staring into each other's eyes. It was hotter than Kurt would ever admit to anyone, but in this moment he wanted to ravish Blaine right here on the dance floor.

"I'm crazy about you, Kurt," Blaine replied and placed another kiss on his lips. They had only known each other for a few days and yet Blaine felt like they were meant to take this dance together, the dance called life. Although he had stepped on Kurt's feet a few times already, he could still learn how to do it right. When he was with Kurt, he felt more alive than he had for years. He never wanted to lose this feeling.

"I don't ever want to be without you, Kurt. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. You saved my life! You saved me!"

Kurt smiled at Blaine's dramatic speech. He was definitely wasted already. "Blaine," Kurt smiled at him. "You're drunk."

"I only had one drink," Blaine protested.

"It's been three drinks already," Kurt corrected. "Look, I want you to have fun, but unlike Sebastian I don't want you to get wasted," Kurt stirred him towards the bar. "Let's get you a water to sober up."

"Didn't you listen to me?" Blaine asked. "I just told you about my feelings!"

"Yes, I heard you," Kurt replied with a smile and rubbed Blaine's back. "And I'm glad you're feeling better, sweetie."

"No, you don't get it," Blaine protested again. He grabbed both of Kurt's arms and made him stop walking. "I owe you my life!"

"You don't owe me anything," Kurt assured him. "I may have saved your life, but you saved mine that night, too. We're even."

"How do you mean?" Blaine asked, confused. "What did I do?"

"Let's get you a glass of water and then we take a walk," Kurt suggested. "The night air might sober you up faster."

"I don't want to leave," Blaine argued. "We just got here."

"It's been almost two hours, Blaine," Kurt said, tapping his watch. "I know, I know. Time flies when you're having fun, but we both have to work tomorrow. You've got a job now, remember?"

"Let's just stay for a little while longer," Blaine pleaded.

"I think Blaine said he doesn't want to leave," suddenly Sebastian cut in from out of nowhere. He draped his arm around Blaine's shoulders and pulled him close. "How about you go home, Kurt, and Blaine and I have another dance together? I will make sure he gets home all right. What do you think, Blaine?"

"I'm going to dance some more with Sebastian," Blaine said nonchalantly, but he watched Kurt closely for a reaction. He wanted Kurt to tell him not to dance with another guy. He wanted Kurt to say that the past few days have been special and that Kurt wanted to be with him.

"You can do whatever you want, Blaine," Kurt replied emotionless. "Just remember we have a deal."

Blaine's eyes turned cold. All of a sudden he was so angry with Kurt. Was this all he was to Kurt? A deal? A responsibility? Had Blaine just imagined that Kurt liked him, too? Or had he just made it all up in his head?

Without saying anything more to Kurt, Blaine turned around and pulled Sebastian back on the dance floor. While they danced, Blaine imagined how Kurt was probably already counting the days until he would be rid of him, either way. So what did it all matter? Nothing of it mattered at all. Blaine could spare everyone the time and effort and just go kill himself right now.

"He's watching you like a hawk," Sebastian pulled Blaine out of his dark thoughts. "What's his deal anyway? He's your chaperone or something?"

Blaine shrugged. "He's just some weirdo I met a couple of days ago," he said bitterly. "He's been stalking me ever since."

Sebastian's grin widened. "How about we lose him?" He winked at Blaine. "Come with me."

Blaine agreed. If he was going to die, he might as well have some fun before he did. They ducked their heads and made their way through the crowd, hand in hand, towards the exit. Blaine felt just a little bit guilty leaving Kurt behind without even telling him, but at that moment he was so pissed and felt so rejected by Kurt that he didn't care. It was adventurous and fun to run away with Sebastian like that. They grabbed their coats and Sebastian hailed a cab and soon they sat in the backseat laughing their heads off.

* * *

The guilt kicked in the moment Blaine stepped through Sebastian's door. The young man lived in one of the fancy apartment houses in Manhattan, but his apartment was small. Still, he probably paid a fortune on rent to afford a place like this.

"Make yourself at home," Sebastian offered as he opened the fridge and got two bottles of beer.

"Thanks, but I've had enough," Blaine rejected the alcohol.

"Suits me," Sebastian left the bottles on the kitchen counter and went over to Blaine. "We can skip the foreplay, too, if you want." He placed a hand on the wall next to Blaine and his other hand on Blaine's chest, gently pushing him against the wall as he dove in for a kiss.

Still dizzy and taken by surprise, Blaine returned the kiss. Sebastian's raw and undisguised desire was contagious. Sebastian pressed himself against him and Blaine could feel the erection in the other man's pants against his thigh.

"Wait," Blaine panicked. Yes, he wanted to lose his virginity to a man, but he was scared that Sebastian would just take him any way he wanted him. What was he thinking, going with a total stranger? Sebastian didn't care about him, he didn't even know a thing about him. Would he even care if Blaine told him that this was his first time?

"Hold on," Blaine said, when Sebastian continued to kiss his neck and grind against him.

"What is it, babe?" Sebastian asked and looked at him with lustful eyes. "Don't worry about condoms, I've got plenty. You can choose any flavor you want." He started undressing Blaine by roughly yanking at his bow-tie.

"Careful," Blaine said indignantly. "You're going to rip it."

"Come on," Sebastian laughed. "It's just a silly bow-tie."

Blaine shoved Sebastian off to get away from him. He went over to the window and used his reflection to re-do his bow-tie. As he fumbled with his tie, Blaine watched the rain pattering against the window and wondered where Kurt was now. Had he already noticed that Blaine was gone? Was he looking for him in Babylon? He imagined Kurt frantically searching the dance floor and all the backrooms of the club, not knowing that he'd gone with Sebastian. Where would Kurt go next? Would he go back to the Astoria hotel and wait for him there? The doorman wouldn't let Kurt in, not without Blaine's company.

Suddenly Blaine realized that he couldn't even call Kurt. They had never exchanged numbers, because up until now they hadn't been apart since they met.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked, but he sounded impatient rather than concerned.

"Can we- can we please slow down for a minute?"

"All right," Sebastian said, spreading his arms wide open and following him into the small living room. "What do you want to do?"

"Let's just- Let's talk for a moment, okay?" Blaine asked nervously.

"Okay," Sebastian fetched his beer and slumped down on the sofa. He started talking about the guys in the club and how many of them he'd already had and how many sucked. The more he talked, the more Blaine realized that Sebastian was an arrogant and self-indulged idiot.

After the excitement and exhilaration had calmed down, Blaine found himself disappointed. The encounter with Sebastian wasn't at all what he had hoped it to be. He felt stupid and childish for going with Sebastian just to punish Kurt, because Kurt didn't want him all the way. Blaine knew he had acted like a complete idiot towards Kurt. Love takes time. Even love at first sight can't be rushed. Although he was totally and completely smitten by Kurt, Blaine couldn't expect Kurt to return his feelings, just because he wanted him to. There was a connection between them, and Blaine could tell that Kurt felt it, too. But he couldn't blame Kurt for not wanting to fall for a guy who had wanted to kill himself, and who still struggled with those feelings. Because until now nothing had changed. Blaine was still stuck in his old life. The only exception was that he was head over heels in love with another man. Which didn't help much, but rather complicated matters for him. His parents would never accept him being in a relationship with a man.

"How come you hang out with Kurt Hummel?" Sebastian asked casually.

"What's it to you?" Blaine asked with his forehead against the cold window.

"In case you haven't figured it out already, let me tell you he's a prude and boring as a Sunday afternoon bridge game with my grandmother."

Blaine turned around to face him, disgusted by the way Sebastian lounged on his couch with his legs spread wide open. "Let me guess. Kurt rejected you?" Anyone who didn't worship Sebastian surely had to be a prude.

"Believe me, you don't want to be seen with that loser," Sebastian replied. "Besides, he has issues. Serious issues." He circled his finger next to his temple.

Blaine didn't want to take the bait. Anything Sebastian had to tell about Kurt could only be lies. But he found he wanted to know more about Kurt, and maybe even someone like Sebastian would drop a few facts.

"How do you know him?"

"I met him a few years ago at a piano bar, a NYADA hangout. He would sing tacky show tunes and think of himself as the next hot Broadway superstar. I took pity on him, because he didn't realize that the world wasn't waiting for him. So I offered him a part in one of my father's productions. My dad owns a theatre on Broadway and he trusts me to find new talents. But Kurt refused. He wanted to make it on his own."

Blaine smiled to himself, proud that Kurt wouldn't be captured with cheap promises.

"Well, he made it without your help," Blaine said.

"Yeah, right, now he's a big star at the Spotlight Diner," Sebastian sneered. "He's going to die a loser, trust me."

"You don't know a thing about him," Blaine snapped.

Sebastian's grin returned. "You're a fiery one, Blaine. Let me take a guess. You've got the hots for Hummel, but he won't let you taste his honey, is that it?"

Blaine remained silent.

With a filthy grin Sebastian got up and made his way over to Blaine, poking his chest with a finger and slowly trailing it down. "Enough talk."

"One more question," Blaine said, meeting the man's eyes.

"Go on," Sebastian licked his lips.

"What's the deal with the vodka stinger?"

Sebastian ducked his head and chuckled. When he looked up again, he said with a shrug, "They say about the Stinger that it's a whore's drink. It's the signature drink I give to all of my one night stands."

"You're an ass," Blaine said disgusted.

"Why? Because I know what I want?" Sebastian tried to grab Blaine by the waist, but Blaine escaped him. "I didn't force you to come up here with me."

"I'm leaving," Blaine grabbed his coat and made his way to the door.

"Really?" Sebastian said in disbelief. "Come on, I didn't mean to imply you're a whore, it's just a joke."

"I don't think you're very funny," Blaine replied. "Sorry for wasting your time," he muttered and left the apartment with a bang. Suddenly he was in a hurry to find Kurt. He couldn't imagine how worried Kurt must be about him.

He threw his coat on and hurried to the elevator with his hand already extended to hit the down button when he startled with a yelp. Kurt was sitting next to the elevator on the floor with his long legs spread out, ankles and arms crossed.

"Oh, God! Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed in total bewilderment, a hand on his heart. "How did you find me?"

"I happen to know where Sebastian lives," Kurt answered with a shrug and a glance at his watch. "That didn't take long."

Blaine's initial reaction was profound relief and the urge to hug Kurt and apologize for running away. But those feelings were almost instantly replaced by humiliation and anger. He felt stupid and exposed and ashamed for going with a stranger while apparently everybody at Babylon knew that he was just the fuck of the day for Sebastian. And now here Kurt sat, knowing exactly in which building and on which floor Blaine had ended up, and it was as if Kurt's mere presence was mocking him.

"What are you doing here? Are you stalking me for real now?" He jabbed at the elevator button angrily.

Kurt stood up slowly and brushed off his pants.

"I'm here to make sure you're not making a detour over the bridge tonight."

"I don't need a freaking suicide watcher," Blaine snapped at him. "Don't you have something better to do?" As soon as the door opened Blaine rushed into the elevator and hit the button.

Kurt followed him inside, but Blaine couldn't look at him.

"We have a pact and I intent to keep it," Kurt said calmly. "If you want to break it, I'm going to call the police and report you as suicidal."

"Wow, blackmail much?" Blaine let out a humorless laugh.

"Why are you so angry with me?" Kurt asked.

Blaine didn't answer, because he didn't know why he was acting so hostile towards Kurt. He just stared at the floor numbers counting down as the elevator made its slow way downwards. The moment the doors opened, he speed-walked out of the building. He didn't hail for a cab, he just walked down the streets. He needed to move or else he'd burst. Kurt stayed close behind him as he unpredictably crossed street sides and chose random corners to turn. After a long frantic walk, Blaine found himself standing on the Times Square at 3 am, surrounded by yellow cabs waiting to take night active tourists to their hotels. Everything was illuminated, everything was in motion.

For a moment Blaine just took deep breaths, trying to make sense of all of this. Then he slowly turned around, and saw Kurt standing about 20 feet behind him, just like Blaine knew he'd be there. In that moment an intense wave of affection and belonging washed over him and tears filled his eyes, because he was so incredibly grateful for Kurt's presence. "You're still here," he croaked and his voice came out harsh which wasn't his intention at all.

Kurt remained standing with his hands in the pockets of his coat and his scarf wound up to his ears. "We had an agreement," he said apologetically.

Blaine approached him. Only now did he notice the way his breath clouded up in the freezing air and how cold his hands were. He stopped right in front of Kurt and met his amazingly blue eyes with the intense need to drown in them.

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked, tilting his head as he returned his gaze. He lifted one hand to gently wipe tears from Blaine's cheeks. Blaine felt like his whole life was a mess, but Kurt was clear and warm and strong as he awaited his answer, holding Blaine in his kind gaze.

Blaine's breathing finally normalized and his heartbeat slowed. He knew then that what he had just done wasn't disgusting and sick and stupid to Kurt, he knew that everything would be all right. He took another deep breath and said, "I don't know how I have lived all my life without you."

A smile broke Kurt's face. "Come on," he said softly and put a hand on Blaine's arm. "I know a place nearby where we can get cheese cake at this ungodly hour."

"I know you don't believe me yet," Blaine said, remaining rooted in place. "And I don't understand it myself, but I look at you and all I can think is-" Blaine paused and licked his lips, trying to find the right words. "Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, _Oops, there you are. I've been looking for you forever._ It feels like you're the one I've been looking for all my life. I can't shake off these feelings. I'm falling for you and I hope and I pray that you feel the same."

There was a flicker of surprise and awe on Kurt's face, and a softness and vulnerability that Blaine hadn't seen before. Before Kurt could say anything to this overly romantic declaration, Blaine closed the gap between them and gently put a kiss on Kurt's mouth.

He didn't care that he was standing right in the middle of New York, he didn't care who might see them. The only thing that mattered was the touch of Kurt's lips on his own and the way Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders and returned the kiss after just a brief moment of hesitation.

* * *

"Aren't you going to ask me how it went with Sebastian?" Blaine finally asked. They had shared a slice of cheese cake at a diner and a cab to the Astoria all the while without talking. It had been a tired and comfortable silence, but the guilt of his encounter with Sebastian was burning Blaine up.

"I don't need to know," Kurt gave Blaine's hand a reassuring squeeze. They stepped out of the elevator, hand in hand, never letting go since their kiss on Times Square, not even in the diner where they'd held each others hands on the table for everyone to see.

Blaine opened the hotel room door. "What if it was so horrible that I've decided to jump after all?" he said over his shoulder.

"Possible," Kurt said jokingly. "Very likely even. That's why I stayed close by."

They entered the room and shrugged out of their coats.

"I didn't sleep with him," Blaine felt the need to clarify. "We kissed, but we didn't do anything beyond that. I don't even know why I wasted this night on him."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"What are you apologizing for?" Blaine asked, following Kurt's every move.

"I'm sorry you didn't have the fun night I promised you'd have," Kurt said with a thin smile.

"No, I'm sorry. I ruined everything by going with him," Blaine apologized.

Kurt pushed the bottle of water into Blaine's hand. "Promise me one thing, please. No more alcohol. At least until your birthday."

Blaine gave a nod. "Okay," he whispered and shuffled closer, putting one hand on Kurt's waist and leaning in to kiss him.

"Please don't," Kurt said, pushing him gently at arm's length. "Let's get some sleep."

Blaine licked his lips, feeling like he had screwed up tonight.

"Will you sleep in bed with me again?" Blaine asked, letting his fingers whisper down Kurt's arm. "Please. I want you near me."

Kurt looked down at the carpet and took an awful long moment to decide. "Okay," Kurt finally agreed.

They went into the bedroom together and undressed. Kurt put on pajamas pants, but when he reached for the pajamas top, Blaine stopped him. He didn't say a word, he just took Kurt's hand and pulled him to bed. They lay down next to each other and Kurt didn't mind when Blaine slipped an arm across his chest to hold him in the night.

It was a strange feeling for Kurt to let someone get so close, not just physically, but also emotionally. Since Finn had died Kurt had built up high walls around himself and it had only gotten worse in the past few months. He hadn't intended to let anyone close, on the contrary. The plan had been to distance himself further from friends and aquaintances.

And now here he was, lying in bed beside a man whose life depended on him.

And he tried so hard not to let Blaine get in too deep and not to care about him as much as he already did and most importantly, not to fall for him. He told himself that Blaine was clinging to him now, because he needed someone to help him embrace life again. That's all that Kurt was for Blaine, a helping hand to grasp for life. All the sweet words and all the wonderful breathtaking kisses would fade away in due time when Blaine was back on top.

Until then Kurt would go on and give his own life some meaning and purpose, and maybe allow himself to sneak a few more of those kisses.

As he was thinking this, Kurt put his hands on the arm holding him and shifted closer to the warm body next to him, wishing that just for once life would be merciful and generous to him and this dream would last a bit longer.

 **Thank you for reading!**


	9. How To Reconnect With One's Brother

**Chapter 9 – How To** **Reconnect With One's Brother**

Blaine wasn't an early bird and he would turn into an unreasonable schoolboy wanting to sleep in if you tried to wake him up, burying his head underneath his pillow and keep on muttering, "Just five more minutes."

Kurt was annoyed.

"I really need to get to work and if you want to keep your job that you just got yesterday by sheer luck, you might want to get up, too. Just saying."

"I didn't sign any contract yet," Blaine muttered.

"And you won't get a contract with this attitude," Kurt said, yanking the covers away from the bed which only made Blaine roll into a ball and clutch his pillow even more fiercely.

"Come on, you can't be serious," Kurt sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. "You're really making it very hard for me to change your life."

Blaine lifted the pillow to peek out at him. "You already did."

"No, I didn't. For one thing your dad is still expecting you to come back to work eventually. You didn't have a heart to heart with your family yet and you're still deep in the closet where they're concerned. You don't have an apartment and no steady job. You know, although you're pretty good at charming everyone around you, you will have to _work_ to pay your bills if you don't want to depend on your family's money anymore."

"You're right," Blaine sighed and slowly sat up.

"I don't want to be right," Kurt clarified. "I need you to _want_ to change your own life, Blaine. I know it's hard. I know it's scary to leave your old life behind and step into the unknown. But must I remind you that you hated your old life enough to attempt suicide?"

Blaine cringed at that word again.

"Do you realize that you have a real chance at making your dream come true and work on Broadway? Even without a proper theatrical education? They _love_ you in the workshop and you're immensely talented. I guess it runs in the family, seeing how your brother is a successful actor."

"Do I have time for a shower?" Blaine asked, making a beeline to the bathroom without acknowledging Kurt's words, especially not the mention of his brother.

"A quick one," Kurt allowed. "By the way, I Googled your brother and found out that he's doing an interview at Kelly & Michael's this afternoon. He's in New York right now, can you believe it? I want us to go and meet him."

"Don't bother. They won't let us anywhere near him," Blaine dismissed the idea. "He's a _star."_ He rolled his eyes.

"Then call him. Or his management, if you don't have his number. Hell, we're going to jump up and down in the audience, if there's no other way to get to him."

"Don't tell me you have tickets for the show," Blaine looked at him as if he could pick apples out of thin air.

"I know someone who has connections and can get me tickets to any show," Kurt explained, gently pushing Blaine towards the bathroom.

"And what does this someone want in return from you?" Blaine asked.

"Nothing, he's just nice. We have to pay for the tickets, of course. That is, _you_ have to pay. I hope you can spare a hundred bucks, it's fifty each, and I really can't afford that, but I won't let you go alone and-"

"Hold on. I have to _pay_ to see my brother?" Blaine asked in disbelief.

Kurt let out a sigh. "Yes, unless you can call him and arrange a meeting?"

Blaine squinted at Kurt in annoyance. "I just hope you know what you're doing, because I don't even _want_ to talk to my brother."

"It'll be good for you to see him, trust me," Kurt assured him, quickly pushed him into the bathroom and shut the door. He leaned with his back against the door and closed his eyes. He had no clue what to say to Blaine's brother. He just had a feeling that he needed to get to know Blaine's family in order to be able to help him.

* * *

The morning shift in the diner went well, except for the moment when Adam came in and gave Kurt the tickets. Blaine was at his side immediately and Kurt could tell that Blaine was jealous which was ridiculous.

"Thank you so much for getting me the tickets on such short notice."

"Anything for you, Kurt. Have fun at the show," Adam said and winked at Kurt. "I can see how sitting in the same room with Matt Bomer can be a thrilling experience. He's quite hot. Enjoy!"

Kurt grinned back at that while Blaine rolled his eyes.

Kurt had forgotten how attractive Matt Bomer was until he was reminded of it by posters hanging on the studio doors announcing today's interview. "He's really your brother?" Kurt asked. For one the actor was much taller than Blaine and he had striking blue eyes where Blaine's were hazel.

"He comes more after our father. Why do you ask?"

"Just checking," Kurt shrugged. He had also checked the actors Wikipedia page and found nothing on his family background. No one seemed to know who his parents were. It was likely that he just didn't want it known that he was connected to the Anderson family enterprise.

Together with the rest of the audience Kurt and Blaine went into the studio and took their seats.

The hosts Kelly and Michael came in and said hello to the audience before taking their places.

Kurt grew more and more impatient and he tried not to let it show. He noticed that Blaine was shaking his legs nervously, he wasn't as indifferent as he had claimed to be after all.

When Kelly announced their guest's name, Blaine sat up straight and stared to the left side of the studio from where Matt Bomer a. k. a. Cooper Anderson was about to emerge.

Cooper wore a dark blue suit with a tie, looking much like his alter ego from the show he starred in. The audience cheered and got to their feet as he walked past them. He shook hands with the first row and even hugged a woman. Kurt was disappointed that their seats were way in the back. How were they supposed to attract Cooper's attention?

Cooper hugged both Kelly and Michael and sat down on the chair facing the audience and smiling a drop-dead gorgeous smile at everyone. The interview started, but Kurt was too nervous to listen. The longer they sat there without Cooper noticing his brother the more unlikely a reunion became. How was Cooper Anderson supposed to catch a glimpse of his brother with all the cameras and lights and eight rows filled with people in the way?

Luckily, there was a section in the interview when the audience was allowed to ask questions. Kurt recognized the opportunity and nudged his elbow into Blaine's side. "Ask a question!"

"Will not!" Blaine replied.

"Look, I don't have backstage passes," Kurt explained. "If we don't get him to see you, we won't get to talk to him at all."

"So what?" Blaine shrugged.

Kurt grew impatient with him. He tapped his fingers in his nervous habit, unconsciously, but Blaine noticed and put his hand on Kurt's arm. "I don't need to talk to him, okay? I'm fine without him in my life."

He acted as if he didn't care, but Kurt didn't believe it.

"Any more questions from the audience?" Kelly asked.

Before someone could ask yet another question about the actor's hair products or gym schedule, Kurt shot his hand in the air and waved to get Kelly's attention.

"Yes, the eager young man in the back."

Kurt stood and waited until the assistant brought him the microphone, not knowing what he was going to ask. "Hi, my name is Kurt," he said, looking straight at Cooper who smiled politely and encouraging.

"My friend _Blaine_ and I were wondering what family means to you," Kurt asked and made sure to point towards Blaine sitting on his left side, hidden behind some big guy. Kurt hoped the personal nature of the question and his mention of his brother's name would be enough of a hint to the actor. Indeed, Cooper sat up straight with a puzzled expression, then his face lit up, apparently recognizing his younger brother. "Family is everything to me," he answered cryptically. "Without the support of my family I wouldn't be where I am today."

Blaine let out a snort and Kurt kicked his leg sideways.

"I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, though. I live in California and they're in Ohio. But I miss them a lot. Thanks for your question, Kurt. I think it might be time for a reunion."

Cooper gave Kurt his most charming smile and Kurt stuttered a thanks in return and almost missed his chair when he sat back down. Boy, that man was beyond gorgeous.

He exchanged a look with Blaine who cocked his brow at the way Kurt was blushing.

"What?" Kurt whispered to him.

"You're taken by his looks," Blaine said accusingly.

"Am not," Kurt replied, indignified.

"Since I was a kid I always had people tell me what a handsome big brother I had," Blaine said, sounding resentful.

"You're not half bad yourself," Kurt said with a smile. "It must run in the family."

This made Blaine smile for the first time today. "You think I am good looking?" Blaine asked self-consciously.

In response Kurt just smiled a bit wider.

After the show Cooper Anderson vanished behind backstage doors and the audience was led into the hallway to leave the building. Kurt and Blaine lingered in the hallway. Blaine prompted Kurt to get moving, but Kurt had an inkling.

"Come on, before they kick us out," Blaine said impatiently.

"He saw you," Kurt said eagerly. "He's not going to just let you go."

"He doesn't care," Blaine replied. "He just said all that bull about family values, because the cameras were rolling."

But Kurt didn't want to believe that Cooper Anderson's smile had been fake. Blaine grabbed his arm when a big security guy came towards them. "Let's go," Blaine murmured. "Before he tells us to leave."

"Blaine Anderson?" the security man asked and Blaine tensed up as if caught.

"Yes?" Blaine blinked up at him. "That's me."

"This is for you and your friend." The man handed them two backstage passes. "Please follow me."

Kurt and Blaine exchanged surprised glances and quickly pulled the backstage passes over their heads like necklaces. They were led through the hallway alongside a wall with pictures of famous guests, one face more impressive than the last. The security guy opened a door to a lounge room with couches, a little bar and more pictures of famous people on the walls.

Cooper and his entourage were sitting at the bar, talking and laughing. But when they approached, Cooper got up and jogged over to them with his arms wide open.

"Baby-brother!"

Cooper gave Blaine a tight hug and Kurt could tell from the flabbergasted expression on Blaine's face that he hadn't expected such a warm greeting.

"Oh, my God, it's so good to see you!" Cooper held his brother at arm's length to look him up and down. "How are you? What a surprise! To show up in the audience like that! I almost didn't recognize you with that curly head of hair! Wherever you hid your infamous gel helmet, may it never resurface again!" He chuckled and smiled warmly. Kurt could tell that the man was genuinely happy and excited to see his brother.

"Sorry for showing up like this, but I don't have your number anymore," Blaine replied with an indifferent shrug, trying to play it cool, but Kurt noticed that Blaine was at least relieved and glad of this warm reception.

"And who's this?" Cooper extended his smile towards Kurt.

"This is Kurt," Blaine said without offering any futher explanation.

"Lovely to meet you, Kurt," Cooper said, grasping and shaking Kurt's hand with both of his.

"You, too," Kurt managed to say. He wasn't going to admit that he was a bit starstruck, but it definitely showed.

Cooper raised his brows at Blaine and winked at him. "You always had great taste, Blainey. I'm thrilled to see your good taste continues in choosing your beau."

"My what?" Blaine asked, getting flustered.

"Sorry, it's a term I picked up in Hollywood," Cooper put his hands on his hips and grinned at the two of them. "I'm saying you got yourself a very handsome boyfriend."

This time both Kurt and Blaine were gaping. "I thought your family doesn't know you're gay," Kurt whispered to Blaine.

"Of course we know," Cooper said it like it was old news. "Blaine told us when he was, what, fourteen? When all that horrible stuff happened at school? He lay low after that and, granted, we never really talked about it, because the old folks were rather unhappy about it, I believe. But hey, a panther can't change his stripes, right? Besides, I knew long before that, because when he was a kid he had the hots for George Clooney on ER, remember that, Blainey?"

"I did not," Blaine denied with a nervous laugh.

"And you're okay with your brother being gay?" Kurt asked, looking at the older man inquiringly.

"Absolutely," Cooper draped an arm around Blaine's shoulders. "I was a bit confused when I learned about your relationship with Tina, but hey, everyone's allowed to experiment."

"Tina and I broke up recently," Blaine explained. "Mom and Dad don't know about it yet, they think Tina and I are currently looking for an apartment in New York."

"Instead you're spending time with your boyfriend, sneaky!" Cooper grinned mischievously, punching Blaine's arm.

"We're not together," Kurt clarified. "We've only met a few days ago."

"Could have fooled me," Cooper cracked a smile. "Please tell me you've got some time to spend. Let's hang out today."

"You want to hang out with us?" Blaine asked, perplexed.

"I haven't seen you in forever, baby brother," Cooper said. "Tell me what's going on in your life."

"We have the rest of the afternoon free until the show starts," Kurt offered quickly, before Blaine could back off.

"You're going to see a show?" Cooper asked.

"Kurt's _in_ the show," Blaine explained proudly, not telling the fact that they only hang out backstage together.

"You're a fellow actor?" Cooper was amazed.

"No, he's a _real_ actor," Blaine couldn't help saying. "One in front of a live audience with no second chances to get it right."

"Be nice," Kurt reprimanded him.

Cooper grinned widely, apparently amused by the familiarity between them, considering they claim to only know each other for a few days.

"Don't you just love his sass?" Cooper said to Kurt and put his elbow around Blaine's throat, fake-throttling him and ruffling up his curls. "God, how I missed you, baby brother."

They settled into the leather couches of the lounge with soft drinks and as much privacy as half the room between them and Cooper's agent and assistants whom he introduced to them. He seemed to trust his people enough to tell them that Blaine was his brother, but not enough to give them Blaine's full name or the connection to the Anderson's Paradise business.

The chat was even easier than Kurt had hoped it'd go. Cooper was easy company, he loved to tell anecdotes and laugh a lot, and his laughter was contagious enough for them to join in. Kurt could tell that Blaine visibly relaxed around his brother and the cliff between them wasn't as big as Blaine had made it out to be. But this was just a little catch up with no strings attached. In a few hours Cooper would be in a plane back to California and it could be another two years before the brothers saw each other again.

Kurt needed to tackle the hard issues.

"I love to hear your childhood stories," Kurt interrupted the man. "But could we talk about something else for a moment, please? There's something that's bothering Blaine for a while and we were hoping you could help him."

"Of course. What's the matter?" Cooper asked, leaning forward and turning worried eyes on Blaine.

"We don't have to talk about it," Blaine crossed his arms and leaned back, but Kurt insisted.

"You need to tell him or nothing's going to change."

"And you think anything will change by telling him?" Blaine let out a humorless laugh. "It's not his problem anymore. He doesn't care."

"What's going on?" Cooper asked, genuinely enough for Kurt to continue.

"Blaine's miserable about being forced to become the new CEO for your family's business," Kurt explained. "It's not what he wants to do with his life, but he feels pressured by your parents. They don't seem to care that he's not cut out for the job, they just want to have the business in the hands of their own kin. But it's not doing anyone any good if Blaine hates doing it."

"I had no clue you had such a hard time following the old folk's wishes," Cooper said, his worried expression increased by a wrinkled forehead. "I was surprised when I heard you were going to take over the company, but I never thought it was against your will."

"Well, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just run off like you did and abandon everything and everyone," Blaine snapped.

"When I went to California I didn't mean to turn my back on the family, especially not on you, Blaine," Cooper explained gently. "But you never responded to all my invitations. I would have loved to have you visit me in L. A. and spend some time with me."

"Not all of us have the luxury to do as we please," Blaine said bitterly. "I can't just take off whenever I feel like it and fly to sunny California. I have responsibilities to take care of, because you left them for me to deal with."

"I never said you had to step into shoes that don't fit you," Cooper declined. "I never expected you to fill in the position our parents had in mind for me."

"But you knew that if you were gone they'd expect me to," Blaine shot at him.

"No, I didn't," Cooper replied. "I knew how important it was for them, but I didn't think they'd force you. And how was I to know what's troubling you? You've always been a quiet one, Blaine. You never talked much about your feelings. Maybe if you were honest with Mom and Dad from the start instead of just succumbing to their wishes-"

"So now it's my fault?" Blaine raised his voice. "You don't know what it's like having to put up with them every day. You didn't want to deal with all these responsibilities, so you ran. You changed your name and you ran to get away from everything."

"That's not true," Cooper said, offended. "Is that what you believe, baby brother?"

Blaine just shrugged. "You changed your name so no one would associate you with us. You don't care about me or our family. You've gone and never looked back."

"What's the change of your name about?" Kurt asked.

"What I said, he doesn't want to be associated with our family," Blaine said accusingly.

"You've got it all wrong, Blaine," Cooper shook his head, sadly. "Our parents made me take on a stage name, so my _outrageous_ _life_ _style_ and I wouldn't be associated with the family brand. They were afraid that my profession as an actor would harm the business. They didn't know what kind of roles I was going to play and I didn't know either at the time. They also told me not to come home for holidays anymore. Do you know how hard it is to be told not to attend Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas anymore? But I wanted to follow my dream so I had to pay the price."

"I didn't know about all that," Blaine said, shocked. "But it sounds just like something our parents would do. Why didn't you tell me?"

Cooper let out a hollow laugh. "You stopped talking to me the moment you heard I was going to move to L. A., remember?" Cooper said. "I tried talking to you, but you shut me out. I understand that you hated me, but I thought you'd get over it eventually and we could be brothers again. It was pretty lonely, I have to admit. Our parents allowed me to do what I wanted, but I had no family anymore. They even cut me out of their will. You're going to get everything, baby brother. You'll be a rich man. I don't want their money. I don't even want our parents' approval. But it hurt that you have turned your back on me, too, little brother."

"I didn't know," Blaine shrugged helplessly. He felt bad and guilty. He realized that he had acted like a sulking child once again. It was true that he didn't give his brother the chance to explain his leaving or to talk to him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Cooper said, showing his smile again. "Now you're here. I hope this is the start to something."

Kurt let out a little breath of relief. This was something he had been hoping for. "You're brothers," he said, putting his hand gently on Blaine's arm. "You should be looking out for one another and not be resentful of the other's assumed fortune."

"Well said," Cooper appraised with a grin. "Listen to your friend, baby brother. He's a wise one. Say, do you have brothers and sisters, Kurt?"

Blaine noticed the way Kurt hesitated before answering, "No, I have none."

Blaine knew of Kurt's late step-brother, of course. Apparently Kurt had decided to not bring him up as to not spoil the mood by talking about death.

"Tell me how you guys met," Cooper asked and this time both of them hesitated.

"Well-" They exchanged a quick look, unsure how to explain the way they had come across one another. Before either of them could answer, their embarrassed silence spoke volumes and Cooper began laughing out loud. "It's okay," Coopler wheezed. "I can just imagine what kind of late night gay bar story this contains. Let's keep this conversation PG for now and save the juicy parts for another time."

Blaine chuckled along, thinking that this version was less embarrassing than the truth.

"That's not how we met," Kurt said in all seriousness and gave Blaine a nudge as well as a stern look. "I think your brother deserves the truth."

"Not yet," Blaine whispered and shook his head.

"What's this about?" Cooper asked, brows furrowed. "Now I'm really curious."

"When we met Blaine wasn't feeling very well," Kurt explained as vaguely as possible. "I told him that he had the power to change his life and now I'm trying to help him do that. Meeting you is step number one."

"Meeting me? Why?" Cooper gave a confused smile.

"You see, it was hard for Blaine to come see you today," Kurt answered, taking Blaine's hand to make him feel included although he was talking over him and for him.

"Kurt-" Blaine cut in and made a face. It was embarrassing to admit these things out loud.

"Why is it hard for you to see me, Blainey?"

Blaine just shrugged. He had no words for how he was feeling. Luckily, Kurt had.

"He felt like he had lost you, like the two of you had grown apart. After you moved away there was so much left unsaid that it kind of turned into a demon haunting him. You know how it is, the more time passes the harder it becomes to talk about what's frightening you. And the thing that frightens a person most is rejection by a loved one."

"Blainey, I'd never reject you, you've got to know that, don't you?" Cooper turned worried eyes on his younger brother. "I love you, baby brother. Always have. Screw the age difference and the distance, I'm here for you. I'm so sorry I didn't try harder to reach out for you."

"No, it's my fault," Blaine said, wiping at his eyes. "You kept inviting me, but I never came to see you. I was bitter and resentful and I never gave you a chance."

"Oh, come here." Cooper pulled Blaine into a tight hug which Blaine returned. It helped a lot to lose the tension and fear that had nested in his heart for so long.

"Give me your phone," Cooper instructed. "I'm going to give you my number and we're going to talk. I mean it, Blaine. No matter how much our parents may suck, we're family, you and I, okay? I've got your back. Just let me know what I can do to help you."

"Nothing," Blaine said bashfully. "I'm all right."

"No, you're not," Kurt cut in. "Blaine's going through a rough patch," Kurt turned to Cooper. "He could use your support."

"I can speak for myself," Blaine grumbled, although he was grateful that Kurt said all the things he was too embarrassed to say for himself. Once again, asking for help proved to be the hardest thing to do.

"Let me guess," Cooper rubbed his chin. "Breaking up with Tina was the tough decision you were facing? If it's coming out – again – to our parents that you're scared of, I will try my best to smooth the path for you. Do you want me to talk to them for you? I could drop a few hints the next time I talk to Mom."

"Actually, Blaine was hoping you'd be able to do more than just talk," Kurt went on. Blaine looked up, confused. He had no clue what Kurt was on about.

"Whatever Blaine needs," Cooper promised.

"In that case, would you be willing to offer your parents a compromise concerning the CEO situation of Anderson's Paradise?" Kurt asked.

Both Cooper and Blaine looked up, surprised and curious what this solution could be.

"Go on," Cooper said, leaning closer.

"I think both of you have to make clear that neither of you is going to become the next CEO of Anderson's Paradise, but you are happy to support the family business publically if they let you."

"How would we do that?" Cooper asked with a chuckle. "They don't even want it known that I'm their son."

"That was years ago. Now you're famous and popular. People love you," Kurt reasoned. "Your parents can't possibly _not_ want to be associated with you anymore. They have more to gain by showing that they're proud of you and your successful career."

"Well, I meant what I said in the interview," Cooper said. "I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing if it weren't for the support of my family, if only this support was letting me go and allowing me to do my thing."

"That's not what real support is about," Blaine argued, the anger directed at their parents slipping back into his voice. "They practically kicked you out and forgot you existed."

"They may not have supported me financially or emotionally," Cooper admitted. "But they didn't throw stones my way, either. They didn't force me to do something I didn't want to do. To tell the truth, I have no idea how they feel about me and my career now," Cooper shrugged. "Last time I spoke to Mom she said she liked the show."

"It's a great show," Kurt agreed. "I mean, I haven't seen much of it, but the episodes I saw were pretty good."

"Thank you," Cooper smiled. "What I'm trying to say is I have no hard feelings for the old folks. But now that I know the way they are forcing you to take over the company, well, I can't approve of that. Of course I'd agree to step out of the shadow again if you think it might help convincing Mom and Dad to find another CEO and let Blaine do his thing. But how would I explain to the public that I kept my family background hidden for all these years?"

"Yeah, how will he explain why he used an alias to begin with?" Blaine asked.

Kurt smiled. He had just the answer. "Because you wanted to make it on your own, without the fame of your family's name to help you. That's going to earn you respect. And seeing how Anderson's Paradise promotes their products with family values they should show how much they support their son now that he's decided to let the public known he's an Anderson boy. At the same time I think your family's business can use the press and publicity this would bring along. You could talk in interviews about being the son of the famous Anderson's Paradise and how performing in the theme parks helped build your dream of becoming an actor. Everyone will love the story of the returning son."

"I'm not sure our parents will play along," Blaine shook his head pessimistically. "You don't know them, Kurt. They want things to go their way or not at all."

"I think it would help if you tried to understand your parent's point of view," Kurt said gently. "They are proud of what they have accomplished. It's not easy building up and maintaining an empire and carrying it on for generations. Of course, their greatest worry is to see it go down the drain. They think the only people who have a genuine interest in carrying on the family's legacy are the two of you, because you're going to inherit everything eventually."

"That's exactly the problem," Blaine huffed. "In their mindset my life's not my own. They have it all planned out for me. They won't accept a no." Blaine gritted his teeth, crossed his arms and shook his head bitterly. He was already set into his misery, accepting his fate and the fact that he couldn't change it.

"Tell me, Blaine, have you ever actually told them no?" Kurt asked. "They will never take you seriously, if all you do is throw a tantrum and run away. If you want them to treat you like an adult, you need to act like one."

Cooper nodded along, agreeing. However, Blaine turned a gaze of disbelief and betrayal towards Kurt, his eyes clearly shooting wtf daggers at his newest friend.

"Now, don't be mad at me," Kurt said and put his hand on Blaine's knee for reassurance. "What I mean is that you need to sit down with them and talk business. Give them your reasons. Show them that you have thought this through and you're not acting on a random whim. Tell them that you've got different plans with your life and that you don't accept a no for an answer. You're a grown-up, Blaine, you don't need their approval. Either they support your choice or you're going to make it on your own."

Blaine's face mellowed and he let out a sigh. He had been acting on his parents wishes for so long he didn't know how to live his own life anymore.

"Listen to Kurt," Cooper said, nudging Blaine's arm.

"They've been paying for college," Blaine pointed out. "If I don't take on the job, it has all been for nothing."

"Then take a year off," Cooper advised. "Tell them to give you one year to prove that you can find a career in the arts. If you manage to find a job and you love what you're doing, they need to release you of your duties. And if you find out that acting isn't at all like you dreamed it would be and you'd rather be back in an office, then you'll return without regrets. Either way, a good college education is never wasted."

"I don't think I'll ever want to be back in that office," Blaine said. "Even if Broadway doesn't turn out for me, I'm not cut out to be CEO of anything."

"You just have to make them realize that you care more about your freedom than about money. They don't want to lose face in front of associates, so they will be open for compromises. They can't tell anyone they have lost both their sons. They may even admire your guts to stand up to them."

"Or they may feel threatened and react by declaring their power over you," Cooper said. "They may threaten to cut you out of their will just like they did with me."

"All you have to do is show them that you don't care about their threats," Kurt coached him and Blaine nodded. The only flaw in Kurt's plan was that he had to act confident towards his parents and he didn't think he had the strength to do it.

"Well, it's a plan. But we better do it fast," Cooper chuckled. "Because I've got a photo shoot coming up which features a white wet T-shirt contest. Not so sure the old folks will appreciate that. Also I just got casted for a movie."

"A movie? Wow, congratulations, Coop," Blaine said.

"Yeah, well, it's a movie about a group of strippers, you know, Chippendale style. I don't think Mom and Dad are going to approve of it. But we won't tell them just yet." He grinned cheekily.

"A stripper movie?" Blaine's eyes bulged. "Oh, my God, that's- wow!"

"Yeah, I thought what the heck, I want to show off my abs, I mean what's the sense of going to the gym all the time if I can't show off my body, right?"

"And you do have a great body," Kurt confirmed. "I bet women will appreciate the chance to see more of you."

"My agent says I'm very popular with women and gay folks," Cooper said with a wink and flashed his bright smile at Kurt.

"I can confirm that," Kurt blushed. He was glad Blaine was sitting between them, he wouldn't be able to sit right next to a Hollywood actor and talk at the same time. "I mean, you _are_ very attractive, obviously. And you have great teeth. They're so white and straight. How come everyone in Hollywood has amazing teeth?" Kurt cringed at his own words. It would probably be best if he just kept his mouth shut.

"When you want to join the Hollywood league you have to get your teeth done or else you're done before you even started," Cooper explained matter-of-factly and with a little shrug. "Sometimes acceptance has to be earned painfully."

"Tell me about it," Kurt chuckled and sipped his soda.

"I'm sorry," Cooper suddenly said in a soft voice and reached over to pat Kurt's hand. "You probably had to take on a lot of obstacles in your life. What's a silly teeth correction surgery compared to the struggles of finding one's place in society as a gay man? I hope you didn't have to suffer throughout your coming out, my friend."

Kurt chocked on his soda and coughed.

"I have great respect for people who have to fight for something as simple as acceptance. That's why I respected Blaine's choice not to come out after his first attempt had been cut off so rigorously by our parents." Cooper turned to his brother. "I regret that I didn't have your back during that time."

"You were at college," Blaine said, and no one was more surprised than he himself that he defended Cooper. "You hardly knew what was going on at home."

"I know, but that doesn't excuse my emotional absence! I should have been there to protect you!" Cooper raised his voice and pointed at his brother, as if shaken by his own inadequate actions in the past. "I'm so sorry, baby brother," Cooper added with a sob and pressed his hand on his mouth.

Kurt watched him with big eyes, clearly impressed by this emotional outburst.

Blaine squinted his eyes skeptically. It was hard for Blaine to tell when his brother was being himself or playing a role. Sometimes Cooper tended to confuse reality with opportunities to practice emotions.

Cooper scooted closer and reached over Blaine to grab Kurt's hand, looking him straight in the eyes. "I'm so glad Blaine has a friend in you, Kurt. It makes me feel so much lighter to know he can confide in someone as caring and gracious as you."

Kurt stared at him for a long second, flustered, before stammering, "I- I'm sorry, it's just- you've got the most stunning blue eyes I've ever seen."

Blaine cleared his throat loudly and took his brother's hand off of Kurt. "Then you haven't properly looked into a mirror lately, Kurt," Blaine said, the compliment tainted by jealousy in his voice.

Kurt looked at Blaine, baffled, a smile slowly growing on his lips and his hand finding Blaine's knee again, squeezing it affectionately.

"Hey, you can be quite the charmer, Blainey," Cooper said teasingly.

"Yeah, can we stop talking about how attractive my brother is, please?"

"Don't be jealous," Cooper teased some more. "I for one think crooked teeth are very charming."

Blaine let his tongue glide over his front teeth self-consciously and glared at his brother with brotherly hatred.

"Anyway," Kurt went back to the previous conversation topic. "Blaine and I are going to see your parents this weekend. Any chance you'll be around in Ohio as well, Cooper? It's your chance to show some support on site."

"We do?" Blaine asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, we do," Kurt said, and explained in a low voice, "The thing is, I'm going to Lima every weekend and you have to come with me, considering our deal. And since you're from Westerville, I thought we could drive over to visit your parents."

"But I don't want to see them!"

"I'll be with you," Kurt said.

"And I'll be there, too," Cooper promised. "My flight back to L. A. is scheduled for friday, but I can cancel it to drop by in Ohio for a reunion."

Blaine chuckled. "Oh God, and what a reunion it'll be. Mom and Dad will be so upset when I tell them that Tina and I broke up and that I decided to be gay-"

"It's not a decision," Kurt cut in. "You were born this way. Embrace it."

"If Mom and Dad can't accept the truth, it's their problem," Cooper said matter-of-factly. "You shouldn't hide anymore, Blaine."

"I'm trying," Blaine said with a sigh. "It's just not easy to change old habits."

"Just think of it as playing a new role," Cooper advised. "You're now the gay guy. You can act as gay as you want to, because it's not about you, it about playing the role as authentic as you can. You'll see that you'll grow comfortable with that role up to the point that you realize you _are_ that role."

Blaine narrowed his brows and pursed his lips. He couldn't decide whether or not this was actually sound advice.

"Believe me, it works," Cooper assured him. "I used the same tactic once when I had to play a serial killer."

Blaine squinted his eyes some more. "I hope no one had to die for you to improve your acting skills."

"Sadly no," Cooper said with a sigh, "but it was fun to imagine how to kill all the people that I hated."

Blaine was still pondering this when Cooper suddenly said, "Is everything all right, Kurt?"

Blaine turned to look at Kurt as well. His new beloved friend was staring at his phone which had vibrated only moments before.

"I'm sorry, I need to make a call. Excuse me." Kurt stood and walked a few paces away for privacy.

Blaine kept an eye on him, a little bit worried.

"Blainey," Cooper said in a teasing voice and nudged his knee. "You're head over heels in love with that guy, admit it."

"I am," Blaine confessed and Cooper broke into a wide grin.

"I have only known Kurt for a few days, but I've never felt this intensively about anyone before. I have found someone who cares about me and right now all I want to do is just be with him."

"Wow," Cooper said, sincerely impressed by this heartfelt confession. "He seems to be a sweet guy. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you."

"He also seems troubled about something," Cooper observed as the two brothers watched Kurt pacing up and down. "Take care of him, will you?"

"Of course," Blaine said. He listened up to try and hear what Kurt was saying on the phone. He was curious as for whom he was talking to.

"Please give me some good news," Kurt said into the phone, but the way his face turned into a frown there weren't any good news. "That's ridiculous, they can't expect me to accept such an offer. It's worth far more than that. They want to take advantage of my situation. – I told you I'm on a deadline here, I need the money until the end of the month, but that doesn't mean I let myself be robbed. I didn't think it'd be so hard to sell- Yes, please try to find another buyer. There's got to be someone willing to pay a reasonable price out there. Thank you."

Kurt ended the call and rubbed his face with one hand. He looked tired and weary. He dialed a number to make another call.

"Hi, this is Kurt Hummel, Doctor Johnson tried to reach me. – Yes, I'll wait. – Hi Doctor, I'm sorry I missed your call. Has there been a change? – Yes, I know I promised you a decision this week, but as you can imagine it's not an easy call either way. And how am I supposed to get this kind of money on short notice? – Yes, I'm on it and I already have a few interested parties on the line. I may be able to get the money by the end of the month. – No, I don't want to talk about this again. I won't do it. I can't do it. How can you expect _anyone_ to do this? It's just wrong!"

Kurt hung up without saying goodbye. He stood aside for a moment longer before he came back to join the brothers. When he sat down next to Blaine again he looked ten years older, his shoulders heavy with worry.

Blaine and Cooper exchanged a look. They had heard more than they were willing to admit.

"What's going on?" Blaine asked.

"Just a little setback with some of my plans, but I'll deal with it," Kurt tried to put on a reassuring smile, but failed.

"What was that about a deadline?" Blaine asked and had the decency to look guilty. "Sorry, I overheard some of what you were saying."

"It's not our deadline, if that's what you think," Kurt said evasively.

Blaine hadn't thought of the deadline of their deal, but was reminded of it now.

"What kind of deadline do you guys have?" Cooper was curious.

"It's just a silly idea," Blaine downplayed it. "We kind of want to do everything together until my birthday comes up. Kind of a social experiment, if you will."

"Just to see if two strangers can get along if forced to spend time together," Kurt shrugged as if participating in such experiments was something everybody would do.

"Uh-hu, I bet you're very good at this experiment together," Cooper grinned cheekily. "And, right, it's your birthday at the end of next week, isn't it? My baby-brother is going to be twenty-two, I can't believe it!"

They talked some more until Cooper's agent told him they needed to get to his next appointment. Blaine and Cooper hugged goodbye. Then Cooper pulled Kurt into a hug as well. "It's been a pleasure to meet you. See you again in the lion's den on Saturday."

* * *

"Kurt, are you having money problems?" Blaine asked the moment they were out of the building. He had noticed how Kurt's anxiety had increased by the way he couldn't keep his hands still and kept fidgeting. "You know, I can give you money," Blaine offered.

"And you know that I won't take it," Kurt declined. "I don't want money to come between us. It's bad enough you gave Rachel the sixty bucks for her perfume."

"As I see it there are already money issues between us," Blaine stated. "Because something's troubling you and I'm able to help you out, but you don't let me."

"You are helping me, Blaine," Kurt assured him with a gentle smile. "You don't know how much you've already helped me. It's thanks to you that I even consider the money issue as an option again."

"Aren't you going to tell me what's this all about?" Blaine asked.

"We have a deal that I help you get back on track again," Kurt said. "When we've succeeded, I will share my troubles with you. Until then I don't want you to be distracted by other people's problems. Focus on your own, Blaine. Let's get to the theatre, okay? We're running late again."

 **Thank you for reading!**


	10. How To Have Meaningful Sexual Relations

**Chapter 10 – How To Have Meaningful Sexual Relations**

When they arrived in the backroom of the theatre Kurt changed into his Peter Pan outfit unenthusiastically and didn't bother putting his make-up on. He chatted briefly with Rachel and the cast before they took off to enter the stage. Blaine remembered Rachel telling him that Kurt had turned down the part of Peter Pan in favor of just being understudy. He considered asking Kurt about it, but figured that it would just ruin the mood. Selfishly enough, Blaine was glad that he got to be with Kurt backstage for two hours instead of watching him perform and share him with the audience.

"Thank you, Kurt, for bringing Coop and me together," he said, grabbing a pillow and hugging it.

"You're welcome," Kurt replied without looking up. He remained seated in front of the vanity mirror, toying with the make up products. "I'm glad it worked out the way it did."

"If you hadn't pushed me, I'd never have met with him," Blaine admitted. "I never imagined that he still cared one bit about me."

"I get it," Kurt said gently. "You never talked to Cooper about your feelings, because you assumed he wouldn't listen. You never gave him a chance to explain or to set things right, because you were too scared of rejection and disappointment."

"Lucky thing you're not scared to tackle the hard issues," Blaine said affectionately.

"It's easy meddling with someone else's life," Kurt shrugged. "Pointing out what they can't or don't want to see. Telling them what they need to change"

"Thank you for meddling."

Kurt gave him a thin smile. "You should be grateful to have a brother. He's not as shallow as you think. He truly cares about you. Take him up on his offer. Keep him close. You're going to need everyone around you who's supporting you."

Blaine watched him closely, still hugging the pillow and wondering what had caused Kurt to be so melancholic and sad all of a sudden. "Does all of this remind you of your step-brother?" Blaine asked, worried.

"It does, yeah," Kurt admitted.

"Come here," Blaine tossed the pillow away and patted the spot next to him. "Sit with me."

Slowly Kurt rose and sat down next to Blaine.

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"It's hard talking about him," Kurt said, twisting his fingers together.

"I get that," Blaine said gently. "It's just that I feel like he's had a big influence on you and I'd like to know what he was like."

Kurt gave a thin smile. "Finn was kind and good and a big goofball. I loved him very much. I loved the family we had become."

"How did he die?"

There was a long pause.

"You don't have to answer that, if you don't want to," Blaine said quickly.

"It's okay," Kurt said quietly. "After graduation Finn was kind of lost. He didn't have a plan. No career path set up, no college plans. He did a bit of this and that, but he didn't really know what to do with his life. We lost touch for a while. I was in New York and he vanished for months. I don't really know what happened to him during that time."

A horrible realization dawned on Blaine. "Did he-" Blaine almost didn't dare ask. "Did he kill himself?"

Again Kurt took a while to answer.

"We don't know. Officially it was an accident, but we don't know for sure." It was all Kurt said to that matter. "Carole, his mother – my step-mom – never recovered. We – my dad and I – did everything we could to help her, but after a year she still wasn't better. She needed a change. Everything and everyone reminded her of Finn. She couldn't stand living in our house anymore, so Dad sold it. He offered to move. He was ready to give up his shop for her and move away, but she said she couldn't even be with him, with us anymore. She went to live with her sister and broke off all contact. Just like that she was gone. At first it was meant to be just temporarily, but it became permanently. They're still married, but they haven't spoken in two years. My dad's been living alone ever since."

"That's awful," Blaine said in lack of anything to say. He felt so useless. Now that Kurt finally confided in him, he didn't know what to say or how to help.

"I already lived in New York, I attended NYADA. I promised my dad that I'd come home every other weekend, but life caught up with me and I only saw him every other month."

"He couldn't possibly expect you to come home all that often," Blaine offered as comfort.

"He didn't expect anything from me," Kurt said weakly. "I could have visited him more often, but I was a coward. I was selfish and ignorant. I didn't want to see how miserable he was. It was easy being cheerful and optimistic over the phone, but face to face you have to accept the truth that some things are broken and you can't fix them. I was still dealing with a grieving Rachel in New York, I couldn't handle to see my dad heartbroken and lonely as well."

"Not to mention the fact that _you_ were grieving as well," Blaine pointed out. "You're not responsible to take care of everyone else, Kurt. If anyone I'd blame your step-mother. How can she just leave? That doesn't seem fair to your dad."

"I'm not mad at her," Kurt clarified. "It's just not how it was supposed to go. We were supposed to get our happily ever after."

"Yeah," Blaine said. He reached out and took Kurt's hand and squeezed it hard. Kurt squeezed back, doing nothing to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. For a while they just looked at each other until Blaine couldn't stand watching the tears slip down Kurt's face anymore. He lifted his free hand and gently wiped his thumb over Kurt's cheeks and kept his hand there, caressing Kurt's face. Kurt closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, smiling absentmindedly.

Blaine was wondering what was on Kurt's mind, but it was only when Kurt began to sing softly that Blaine realized his friend was listening to the songs of the show.

"Come with me, Wendy, to Never-Neverland, where we'll be forever young."

Blaine knew the melodies of the songs by now, but he still didn't know the words by heart. Now that he knew that the songs had a soothing effect on Kurt, he wished he had paid more attention.

"We will never be apart, you'll be in my heart and we'll be free, you'll see-"

Kurt opened his eyes again, smiling dreamily, as the words came out softly and lovingly, like a lover's caress. Blaine was charmed.

Without thinking about it, he framed Kurt's face with both hands and kissed him.

He put everything into the kiss. All of the waiting, all of the desire. All of the today they had and the tomorrows they might not. He kissed him to connect and to meld with him, to reveal his soul and to lose his heart. And Kurt kissed him back with all of these things and something else Blaine couldn't identify.

"Is this okay?" Blaine asked, a mere whisper against Kurt's lips.

Their eyes met and they shared a deep look, both confirming that this was real and true and not over yet.

Without saying anything, Kurt slowly lay down on his back and pulled Blaine with him.

Blaine kissed him again. A kiss that was _hello_ and _I've never felt this way before_ and _whatever happens stay with me_. Usually there were also questions in a kiss. _Do you love me? Is this working?_ But this kiss was questionless. This was just the two of them, searching and finding, enjoying and yearning. There were no questions, there were only answers. _Yes, yes, yes. This is right, this is good._

Wanting more, Blaine slipped one hand beneath Kurt's shirt and Kurt jerked up. "Cold hands, cold hands!" he yelped.

"Sorry," Blaine chuckled. "I heard cold hands can be quite hot. Sensual, I mean." Instead of pulling away, he glided his hand further up on Kurt's chest. A delicious shudder went through Kurt's body and his nipples hardened the moment Blaine touched them. When Kurt didn't protest, Blaine put his lips on Kurt's chest, licking and sucking his nipples and enjoying the way Kurt writhedbeneath him.

"Blaine-" Kurt's voice was strained, his lover's name more of a moan than a word.

"Sorry, sorry," with difficulty Blaine let go and lifted his head to meet Kurt's eyes. "Do you want me to stop?"

"When I want you to stop, I'll say _stop,"_ Kurt said with a smile. "When I say your name it means anything but stop."

Blaine smiled back. "I can work with that."

Kurt chuckled and his body vibrated most deliciously against Blaine's.

Time flew by while they were making out. They would change positions every now and then, but mostly they would sit opposite of each other, kissing slowly, tasting and teasing, giggling and moaning, playfully turning passionately, and then, exhausted, they would lay down into the cushions, just letting their fingers trail down cheekbones and jawlines for a while before the passion took over again.

Unconsciously, they were making out to the rhythm of the music, the highs and lows of the songs. During a particularly exciting song they kissed wildly, just to slow down again and catch their breath during the next ballad. As they realized this, they both couldn't help giggling.

"I'll have to buy the score," Blaine said, panting. "From now on these songs will make me horny."

"That's what a boy who never grows old will do to you," Kurt grinned.

"No, that's what _you'll_ do to me," Blaine replied, letting his lips trail down Kurt's jaw.

Blaine was holding himself up on his elbows as not to collapse on Kurt, but Kurt put his arms around him, one hand between Blaine's shoulder blades and the other in the small of his back, just above his butt, and pushed him down. "I'm heavy," Blaine protested.

"I love your weight on me. It feels good."

" _You_ feel good," Blaine whispered close to Kurt's ear.

They were slowly grinding against each other and continued kissing. The feeling of Kurt's hardness against his own was the hottest thing Blaine had ever experienced. He wanted to undress Kurt and kiss him all over, but it was already daring enough to make out in the dressing room only minutes away from the last bows.

They could already hear the last applause of the audience filling the theatre.

Kurt didn't know why he was encouraging Blaine. It was against all of his principles, but it was so incredibly hot that he couldn't stop. At first Kurt had just kissed him back because kissing was easier than talking. He was afraid that he would reveal too much of his own troubles to Blaine if he kept talking and the last thing Kurt wanted was to drag his friend down with him, especially not when Blaine was in such a happy mood about meeting his brother.

But kissing Blaine was more than just kissing someone, it was his belly being filled with butterflies and his heart dancing to a foreign and yet familiar beat; it was like drowning in a fantasy he'd never dared to day-dream about. Kurt had never had a make out session like this before. He could go on kissing Blaine for hours and not get tired of it.

When Blaine started nuzzling down his jawline and neck, Kurt was so turned on that he considered ravishing Blaine right on the spot. "Blaine," Kurt tried to get his friend's attention. "Blaine, do you remember when I said we shouldn't have sex, but keep things on a friendly basis?"

Blaine acknowledged with a grunt and pulled away. "I know, I know. I'm sorry-"

"Forget about all that," Kurt said, holding on to him. "I want to go to your place."

"You mean the hotel," Blaine said, deadpanned, not really grasping what Kurt was implying.

Kurt chuckled. "Yeah, whatever. All I need is a bed and a door to lock up behind us."

"Are you- are you sure?" Blaine asked, suddenly nervous. So far this was just fooling around. Did Kurt really ask him to go all the way?

Instead of an answer Kurt grabbed the back of Blaine's neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

This kiss was meant to be reassuring, but it turned out being filled with uncertainty and confusion. Kurt had never felt this way for someone before. He desired Blaine, but he was scared that actually sleeping with him would end like every other sexual encounter had ended for Kurt: with humiliation and a lasting bad aftertaste. Still at this point he couldn't imagine _not_ sleeping with him.

The door swung open and Rachel Berry's voice interrupted them. "Oh, I wish I'd get paid for making out backstage with an incredibly hot guy."

Blaine and Kurt jerked apart, both blushing and adjusting their clothes. Blaine gathered his wits again first. "What are you talking about, Rachel? I'm not getting paid," he grinned at Rachel who took a second to get his drift.

"Awww, he's saying _you're_ the incredibly hot guy, Kurt," she cooed, instantly smitten by Blaine's charms.

Kurt just rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help smiling and exchanging excited glances with Blaine. They were both dizzy and extremely turned on by their intense make out session and in a hurry to leave. It took a few minutes for Kurt to change out of costume and to say good night to the cast. When they were finally on their way back to the hotel, neither spoke a word and a mute sexual tension filled the air between them. Blaine thought everyone they passed must see it on their faces that they were hurrying to get laid. It was absurd and exciting, embarrassing and funny, and incredibly hot.

All the way to the Astoria they were holding hands. Blaine never let go of Kurt, not in the cab or in the streets, not in the hotel lobbyor in the hallways. They held hands as if everything would crumble around them if they let go of each other.

Usually the ride up in the elevator seemed endless, but tonight the moment the doors closed Kurt and Blaine turned towards each other like two magnets finally allowed to clash. They kissed like they had never stopped kissing.

"I want you, Kurt," Blaine murmured as he pushed Kurt against the mirror. "I want you so bad."

"Okay," Kurt answered, not capable of any other coherent reply. "Okay."

The moment they stepped into the penthouse, Blaine grabbed Kurt by the waist and pushed him back against the wall, pressing his body against him and his mouth on Kurt's. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and kissed him back. Blaine moaned into his mouth as his pelvis pushed into Kurt's and Kurt could feel his erection through their clothes. Like so many things they had experienced this week, their mutual hunger was urgent and imminent like they would both die on the spot if they didn't devour one another in this instant.

"Bedroom?" Blaine asked with his hands sneaking around Kurt's backside and cupping his butt.

"Bedroom," Kurt confirmed and let out a surprised yelp when Blaine lifted him up. Giggling, Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's middle and tightened his grip on Blaine's shoulders as his lover carried him across the living room and through the door into the bedroom.

Blaine stumbled into the bed and they both fell onto the mattress, laughing.

Blaine pinned Kurt down and kissed his neck, the space behind his ear and traced Kurt's jaw line with his open mouth. He moved his hands up his sides, kissed his lips again. There wasn't a single part of him that didn't want this. He felt like he had been holding back his entire life and now he finally found the right person to help him let go. Only Blaine didn't know what to do. He stalled by just kissing Kurt for a while and feeling under Kurt's shirt, following the trail to his waistband, keeping his hand there, feeling how hot the skin was. Blaine was moaning and didn't even realize it.

"God, your voice is so hot," Kurt murmured. "Even when you're just making noises."

"What?" Blaine chuckled, embarrassed.

"Exactly," Kurt said with a grin. He lay on his back and Blaine hovered over him, tracing his fingers along the side of Kurt's face and along his collarbone. Kurt responded by tracing his shoulders, reaching down the valley of his back.

For a moment they were just looking at the other. They both didn't know how to proceed from here. Blaine's face was an open book that Kurt could read easily. It was a weird mix of desire and fear and – what else was it? Hope? Love?

Kurt knew that sex could ruin things. Sex had never been a good experience for him. Most of the time he was left feeling bad and humiliated, not wanting to see the guy again and ignoring further booty calls. However, if Kurt felt bad afterwards this time, he couldn't just leave and never call Blaine again. This was Blaine's first sexual experience, Kurt had to make it a good one for him. No pressure.

In the past Kurt had used sex as a means to escape reality. While he had never found someone to connect with, Kurt had been infatuated with a few guys, but quickly learned that they had only been interested in getting laid. Kurt had dropped his romantic fantasies after a while. Although he had tried to keep his promise to his father to not throw himself around, he did have one night stands that served only as release and as a means to forget the world around him for a while. He needed that now. He needed to forget reality again.

"Let's do this," he prompted and pulled Blaine in for another kiss.

"You have to tell me what to do," Blaine said, returning the kiss. "I don't know anything about sex, but I want to do everything."

"I like that attitude," Kurt chuckled, his mouth barely leaving Blaine's. "Don't worry. You can't do anything wrong as long as you use a lot of lube and a lot of tongue, whatever you do."

"I'm being serious," Blaine said, but a giggle escaped him as he kissed the corner of Kurt's mouth.

"Me, too. Don't worry, I will guide you through it," Kurt replied. "We can go as slow or fast as you want, okay?"

"Okay," Blaine murmured. "It's just- I'm nervous."

"No need," Kurt said gently. "It's just me."

"It's not _just_ you," Blaine replied. "It's _you_. You're so wonderful and sweet and hot and- and I don't want to disappoint you."

"Hush, silly," Kurt put his fingers over Blaine's lips. "Being intimate with someone is not about giving a perfect performance. It's about revealing a vulnerable part of yourself and trusting your partner to keep you safe. You could never disappoint me as long as you're being honest and true. Anything else is just fucking. Don't let anybody just fuck you, it's not going to make you happy in the long run, believe me."

"When was the last time you had sex?" Blaine asked, suddenly curious. "And don't tell me that's personal. We agreed on no privacy, no secrets. I tell you everything about me and you tell me everything about you."

"It's been a while," Kurt shrugged.

"How long?" Blaine asked, his eyes piercing into Kurt's and his breath hot on Kurt's neck.

"Three years, give or take," Kurt answered. "You know, after Finn died-"

"You never allowed yourself to be happy again," Blaine finished for him.

"Yeah, something like that," Kurt admitted. "I didn't want anybody to get too close."

"You must be starved," Blaine breathed, placing kisses down Kurt's neck.

"Says the guy who's still a virgin," Kurt shot back. "Didn't you ever have the urge to hook up with the next best guy and get dirty?"

"That's why they invented masturbation," Blaine replied with a shrug.

Kurt laughed out loud. "And of whom do you fantasize in these special moments? Oh, I know, George Clooney as the hot doctor in Emergency Room," Kurt teased him.

Blaine pulled a face. "I was a kid. He was my first man crush. Coop will forever hold it against me and-"

"Do you want to touch me?" Kurt asked in a low voice.

Blaine's eyes instantly darkened with desire. "Yes," he breathed and scooted closer.

"Clothes off," Kurt instructed and sat up to take off his shirt and kick off his shoes. Blaine kicked his shoes off, too, and eagerly pulled his button-down over his head. They discarded all of their clothes and Blaine's eyes roamed over Kurt's body, taking in every inch of skin and running his hands over him.

"Come here," Kurt gathered him in his arms and they lay against one another, skin on skin, from head to toe. Blaine shivered in pleasure. It was the most amazing physical experience he'd ever encountered.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Kurt asked, slowly letting his hands run up and down over Blaine's back.

"More than good," Blaine breathed. "I've never been naked with anyone before."

There was closeness, not just of their bodies, but of their beings. They enjoyed being naked with each other, naked and needing, moving in the inevitable direction, sometimes moving quickly, but then slowing down and taking their time. Blaine felt so incredibly happy and content just feeling Kurt's body against him, the heat, the breath.

"Your skin is so smooth," Blaine murmured. "I want to be naked with you forever."

"Touch me," Kurt encouraged him.

Blaine reached down and let his palm run over Kurt's erection, enjoying the way Kurt tensed up in anticipation. It was incredibly hot to hold another man's hard-on in his hand. Blaine took his time to play and explore and figure out the best way to make Kurt squirm. He scooted down and let his tongue run over the length of Kurt's hardness. The hot flesh was firm and delicious. He sucked in the tip and flicked his tongue around it, amazed by the feel of it in his mouth.

Kurt weaved his fingers into Blaine's curls and arched his back, humming with pleasure. "Why am I not surprised that you've got a natural talent for this?" Kurt said. "Is there anything you can't do extraordinary well? Oh, God, Blaine, yes!"

Blaine took him in deeper, trying to swallow the whole length, but his throat didn't seem to be capable of the task. Choking and coughing Blaine let go and sat up.

Kurt couldn't help but giggle. "Don't be so greedy on the first try," he adviced, propping himself up on his elbows. "This takes practice and quite a flexible jaw."

"We should practice," Blaine suggested eagerly.

"I thought we were," Kurt grinned up at him. "Let me show you." He pushed Blaine down on his back and caressed his hips and thighs with teasing hands before diving in for the real thing. Blaine was twitching and panting and going crazy with sensory overload. He had often fantasized about how a blow job would feel like, to have someone's mouth on him, licking and sucking, but this was beyond his wildest dreams. Kurt had not promised too much. He was able to take in all of Blaine and give him a tongue massage – and his piercing was kind of an extra kick. Blaine was close to climax within only a few sucks.

"Not yet," Kurt instructed and let go of him, replacing his mouth with his hand. "Blaine, hold it, we've only just begun and-"

"I can't, I can't," Blaine panted and before they knew it, he came all over Kurt's hand and arm in big shudders.

"Wow, that was quick," Kurt commented.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, laying spent next to him. "I was holding that in since I met you."

"Now there's a compliment," Kurt chuckled.

"I'm sorry-" Blaine repeated.

"No worries, my sweet teenage boy," Kurt teased him. "It happens. As long as you're up for another round it's fine."

"Just give me a minute."

"Take five," Kurt grinned. He fished for a tissue on the nightstand to wipe his arm clean. Blaine watched him, a little bit embarrassed and a lot intrigued with everything.

"Come closer," Blaine pleaded, feeling exposed and abandoned with only a few inches left between them.

Kurt obeyed and lay snuck beside him, wrapping an arm around Blaine's middle. Blaine captured his face with one hand and gently trailed down his jaw, neck and collarbone.

"Tell me, Blaine, when you fantasize about having sex are you a top or a bottom?"

"I think- I want to be inside of you-" Blaine admitted in a direct yet bashful way that Kurt found extremely hot and endearing at the same time.

"Oh, good, I see we're on the same page," Kurt smiled. "I want you inside of me, too. Just so you know, I'm versatile. We can switch positions if you want to, but I prefer to bottom."

"What if I hurt you?" Blaine asked with his fingers running circles on Kurt's stomach.

"You won't, sweetheart. I will guide you through it, okay? All you have to do is switch off your brain. Stop thinking too much, just do as you feel."

"Okay," Blaine said in a murmur and captured Kurt's mouth for another kiss. They were already practised at this. At this point kissing Blaine felt like coming home. It was a mix of warm soothing smooches turning into a passionate way of saying _I want you right now_. It didn't take long for both to be aroused again with hands exploring body parts and eagerly wanting to cause pleasure.

Skin on skin, they were grinding against one another, both hard and in need of release.

"Hold it, my sweet teenage dream," Kurt teased affectionately again. "Now we're getting to the good part. Just give me a minute to prepare myself." Kurt reached for the lube and condoms he had discovered some night before in the drawer of the nightstand. Apparently Blaine had made preparations for his big night with his fiancée. Good thing Tina never showed up. Kurt could only imagine that it would have been a disaster. If the way Blaine was mush in his arms was any indication, Blaine could never have been content with a woman. This marriage would never have worked out.

"Let me do it," Blaine said, almost meekly, taking the lube out of Kurt's hands. Kurt blushed a bit as he watched Blaine slicking his fingers with the lubricant and situating himself between Kurt's open legs. He kissed down Kurt's chest and stomach while his hands caressed his thighs, drawing circles closer and closer to the pleasure centre. He ran his fingers between the crack of Kurt's buttocks and slowly massaged the rosette. Blaine's mouth focussed on Kurt's erection again while his slick forefinger slowly but surely entered, thrilled by the tightness. Kurt leaned his head back and grabbed the bed linen when Blaine began rhythmically pulling his finger halfway out and pushing it back in.

"Yes, just like that," Kurt instructed in a slightly higher voice than before. "Add one more."

Blaine added a second finger, carefully stretching and scissoring. He carefully observed Kurt's reactions to his doings, the way he closed his eyes but parted his lips, the way his breath hitched or stopped when Blaine hit a particularly sensitive spot, the way he greedily pushed himself onto Blaine's hand. Blaine was fascinated and incredibly turned on by watching Kurt.

"Okay, now," Kurt said in a low sexy voice. "Pull out." A moan of sorrow escaped Kurt when Blaine removed his fingers, but he was all right, knowing that they would be replaced by something bigger and longer. Kurt got a condom out and sat up to put it on Blaine. "Never go without these," he advised. "Have you ever put one on yourself?"

"Sometimes when I masturbate," Blaine admitted. "It's not such a mess." He sat still and watched fascinated as Kurt pulled the condom on him and added a lot of lube.

"Done," Kurt smiled at him and gave him a smack on the mouth. "Are you ready for this?"

Blaine gave a nervous nod.

"You can do this," Kurt encouraged him teasingly. He gave him another kiss that was half a bite into his already plush and slightly bruised lips from all the kissing. Then he turned around on his stomach to present his back and looked back over his shoulder, "Hop on."

Blaine was confused for a second, then he protested. "Wait, no, turn around again, please. I want to see you. Can't we do it face to face?"

It was Kurt's turn to be confused. "What? So you can see my face during sex? That's embarrassing."

"But how am I supposed to kiss you? How can I see if you like it? Shouldn't I be able to read in your eyes? What about communication and all? Isn't that the difference between fucking and making love?"

Kurt was stunned for a moment and slowly turned around again. "I suppose one major difference would be that during fucking one doesn't talk as much," Kurt smiled, amused. "I've never had such a chatty lover before."

"Well, here I am, chatty and all," Blaine said, quickly pinning Kurt down before he could turn his back again. "And I want to do this my way."

"Of course, Mister Sinatra, who am I to protest?"

"No, that's not-" Blaine sighed. "I don't want to force you to do it my way. I just want to be able to-" Blaine dipped in to catch Kurt's mouth with his own. He gave him a determined kiss and lowered himself until their bodies touched. Both of them craved the feel of hot flesh on one another.

"Okay, let's try this," Kurt agreed, a little out of breath. "Then it's a first for both of us. I've never done it like this before."

"Believe me, it's considered the best position," Blaine said. "Just hook your legs around my waist or better even over my shoulders."

"Excuse me?" Kurt chuckled. "I thought you didn't know anything about sex."

"Well, only what I've read on the internet," Blaine admitted.

Kurt let out another chuckle. "You've read about gay sex on the internet? You're unbelieveable."

"Well, I thought I'd find it disgusting if I learned more about it, you know? I thought I'd stop being gay if I saw how it worked. But most of the time I spent masturbating afterwards."

Kurt laughed some more and wrapped his arms around Blaine's back, drawing him closer. "Why don't you show me what you've learned online? And I'll show you what I know and we'll figure out what works best for us?"

"Okay," Blaine agreed with an infatuated smile and kissed him again.

Having sex with Blaine was a whole new experience for Kurt. This wasn't just about lust and desire, it was more fulfilling than just the raw need of bodies clashing. His initial crush was slowly but surely growing into a serious matter of the heart. He had never felt so content and happy after a sexual encounter like he felt with Blaine.

"How was I?" Blaine asked, after a long moment of silence and panting.

Kurt got hit by a happy giggling fit. "You didn't seriously just ask me how your performance was?"

"Well-" Blaine shrugged bashfully.

"You did well," Kurt answered with a smile. "In fact you were amazing. You made me realize that I've never-"

"Never what?" Blaine asked when Kurt didn't continue.

"I'm sorry but this is going to sound awfully tacky," Kurt apologized in advance.

"I like tacky," Blaine assured him. "I'm a big fan of tacky."

"It's just-" Kurt let out a sigh. "I think this was the first time in my life that I've made love with somebody."

"Wow," Blaine murmured, with his hand on Kurt's bare chest and his eyes glued to Kurt's face.

"Yeah, wow," Kurt said, but his voice was wobbly and he drew in a shuddered breath, not knowing why he was this emotional all of a sudden. "And damn, you smell so good!" Kurt said with a laugh to distract from the fact that he was close to tears. He turned into Blaine and dug his nose in the crook of his neck, hiding his face.

Blaine covered their naked bodies with the blankets and embraced Kurt, holding him tight and stroking his back soothingly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he murmured into Kurt's hair. "And I want to be the best thing that's happened to you."

Kurt didn't say anything to that. He just clung to the warm body next to him and focussed on not weeping until he fell asleep.

 **Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! Keep them coming! I love hearing from you!**


	11. How To Fall In Love

**Chapter 11 – How To Fall In Love**

Kurt was in love.

At least it felt a lot like how he imagined love must feel like. All day long he couldn't stop smiling and he couldn't stop looking at Blaine who in response couldn't stop smiling back at him. There was no denying the wild heartbeat and unreasonable amount of sneaked kisses whenever they felt unwatched. They sang silly love songs in the Spotlight Diner together, much to the delight of their customers and dread of their co-workers. In the theatre workshop they didn't just play their parts, but felt as passionate as their alter egos Gideon and Felix – the gay lovers fighting for their love in a cruel world. And in the backroom of the Peter Pan show they spent two hours making out like horny teenagers – always on the verge of breaking apart in case the parents come in – in this case Kurt's fellow cast mates. It was exciting and thrilling and made Kurt's heart beat in unknown ways.

It was Friday night and although Kurt and Blaine wanted to head straight to the Astoria's for a repetition of last night, Rachel had other plans. After the show had ended, she grabbed Kurt's arm and wouldn't let go.

"No, you're not leaving!" she ordered with a smile. "I promised Adam I'd bring you along tonight. You owe us your company, Kurt! Besides, you've promised weeks ago you'd come to Callbacks with us."

"What do you say?" Kurt turned to Blaine.

"What's this Callbacks?" Blaine asked.

"It's a piano bar and NYADA hangout mostly," Rachel explained. "But us alumni are allowed to come back whenever we like."

"Sounds like fun," Blaine said.

Kurt gave Blaine an apologetic shrug, but Blaine didn't mind the detour all that much. He knew he would have Kurt for the rest of the night, and he didn't mind spending time with Kurt's friends, even if Adam was going to be there.

The piano bar was fun and Kurt had to admit that it was nice to sit next to Blaine with his friends around. It made his thing with Blaine so much more real to acknowledge it in public, whatever it was. Blaine was touching him constantly, whether by putting his arm around Kurt's back or holding his hand on the table. It made Kurt feel light-headed and giddy.

"It's great to see you smiling again, Kurt," Adam said with a warm smile and Kurt tilted his head and gave him a happy smile. "Thank you," he said.

"Let's have a singing contest," Rachel suddenly suggested. "The girls have to sing men's songs and the boys have to sing women's songs."

"Nah, I don't want to sing. You guys have fun," Kurt said.

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine said. "We all know you have a great voice."

"Another time," Kurt said with a one-sided shrug.

"I'll go first," Rachel said and conquered the stage and spoke with the piano player. She introduced herself to the audience and was well received, apparently she was a regular on the mike. Kurt watched her perform, proud to know her and a little bit jealous of her brazenness to just go out there and ask for her applause.

Rachel returned to the table after her amazing rendition of Sinatra's My Way, a song choice that was no surprise to those who knew her well.

"You guys, it's so amazing up there!" She squealed in joy. "Kurt, you have to do your Wicked medley!"

"No, I'm out of practice," Kurt dismissed the idea. "All I have in mind are the Gideon and Felix songs from our workshop and I can't sing those for copy right reasons obviously."

"Can I sing something?" Blaine asked and all heads turned to him.

"You can sing?" Rachel asked, pleased and surprised.

"Right, I heard you've joined the workshop for the French musical with Kurt," Adam said. "Everyone seems to be enchanted by you. I happen to know the writer. He's raving about you. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Blaine said humbly. "I'm enjoying myself so far."

"Just go up to Pascal the piano player and let him know what you want to sing," Rachel instructed him.

"Can I play, too?" Blaine asked.

"You can play the piano?" Kurt asked, intrigued.

"Yes, I've had lessons as a kid."

Rachel raised her brows in appreciation. "Just remember to sing a song traditionally sung by a woman. Also, it should be something that expresses how you feel about yourself."

Kurt let out a low giggle. "Good thing you chose to sing My Way, Rachel."

"Don't worry," Blaine winked at her. "I've got it covered."

Kurt was excited about which song Blaine was going to sing. He had proven to have a wide-range knowledge of tacky love songs so far, a trait that Kurt found adorable now that he was in love with him.

Blaine sat down at the piano and stretched his arms and shook out his fingers before he leaned towards the microphone. "Hello, I'm Blaine and this is a song I've been singing to myself since I was eleven and dreamed of finding someone to love. It's the first time I'm singing it for an audience, so please bear with me."

Kurt and his friends clapped supportively and a smile settled on Kurt's lips. Blaine could be such a sap, who knew?

Blaine's fingers met the keys softly but skillfully as he played a sad but sweet melody. His voice was soft yet loud and clear.

"A simple choice, nothing more  
This or that, either or  
Marry well, social whirl, business man, clever guy  
Or pin my future on a green glass love  
What kind of life am I dreaming of?"

Blaine looked over to Kurt and gave him that sweet smile that Kurt had grown so fond of.

"I say gimme, gimme ... gimme, gimme  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I want it  
Highs and lows, tears and laughter  
Gimme happy ever after  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!"

His voice grew stronger and fiercer with each line, more desperate and wanting.

"Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I crave it  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love  
I'll brave it  
Thick 'n thin, rich or poor time  
Gimme years and I'll want more time  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

I don't care if he's a nobody  
In my heart he'll be a somebody  
Somebody to love me!

Here I am, St. Valentine  
My bags are packed, I'm first in line  
Gimme fat boy's famous arrow  
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!"

By the time he finished the song, Blaine was panting, but grinning happily like a maniac. He had given a number one performance of how to sing your heart out and received a thunderous applause. Standing up, Blaine took a bow and blew a kiss in Kurt's direction.

Kurt clapped so hard his hands hurt.

"What a show-off," Rachel muttered next to him.

Kurt immediately took offense. "What did you just say?"

"Just look how much he's craving the spot light," she said. "If you ask me he's sticking close to you because you're his ticket into showbiz."

"He loves to sing, but his parents didn't allow him to pursue his dreams," Kurt explained in Blaine's defense. "God, you always feel threatened by someone else's talent. Let him have this moment on stage."

"It's not just this moment," Rachel went on. "I think it's weird how he's taking over all your jobs. He's a singing waiter now, I hear. And he's gotten the lead role in your workshop play."

"He doesn't have the lead. He just took over for as long as the other guy is ill."

"What a coincidence." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"He's a man who's got nothing to lose," Kurt pointed out, although he couldn't tell Rachel what exactly he meant by that. "If he sees an opportunity he takes it. There's nothing wrong with that."

"He's taking advantage of _you_ ," Rachel said.

"No, he's not," Kurt became annoyed with her. "He just—" Kurt didn't know how to explain why Blaine stuck to him twenty four seven without mentioning his suicide attempt. "We're in love, Rachel. It's as simple as that. He just wants to be close to me."

"Didn't you listen to his song?" Rachel pointed out. "He's clearly in love with _love_ , not with _you_."

Kurt gave her an incredulous look and would have told her to shut up, if Blaine hadn't returned to the table in that instant. Rachel greeted him with a fake smile.

"You were amazing," Kurt gave Blaine a half-hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you," Blaine said, glancing between Kurt and Rachel and sensing that something was off.

"You're next, Kurt," Adam said from the other side of the table.

"Oh, no, I'm really not in the mood," Kurt dismissed.

"You have to sing, Kurt! Please!" Adam said with a pout. "I haven't heard you sing in such a long time."

"I'm sorry, but Blaine and I can't be out too long, we have an early flight to catch," Kurt said apologetically.

Rachel widened her eyes at him. _"We?"_

"Blaine's coming with me to Lima," Kurt said matter-of-factly, but Rachel would have none of it.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she nodded her head towards the restrooms.

Blaine gave Kurt a questioning look, with worry in his eyes. "It's okay," Kurt murmured. "I'll be just a minute." Kurt extracted himself from Blaine and followed her.

Rachel turned around in the small hallway to the restrooms and poked her finger into Kurt's chest.

"You can't take him to Lima!"

"I'm sorry, but I think it's none of your-"

"As your best friend and roommate I have to speak up!" Rachel said in all earnestness. Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest, preparing for a long critic. "This thing with him and you is getting creepy. This guy shows up out of nowhere and just like that you're inseparable. He has started working in all the places you work, he sits in the theatre backroom with you every night, and now you want to take him to your hometown?"

"Why is all of that a bad thing?" Kurt asked. He knew it was weird, but he didn't see why it was so hard to believe that two people would meet and fall for one another.

"You haven't slept at home all week long," Rachel pointed out. "Where does he even live? I don't know a thing about him. He could be a murderer for all I know. If you went missing, I wouldn't know which direction to point the police to. Are you listening to me?" Rachel shook him by the arm when his gaze had turned back to the table.

"I hear you," Kurt said in a tight, pinched voice.

"I get that you think you're in love, but be realistic here for a moment, Kurt. This kind of fairy tale stuff doesn't happen to anybody. You hardly know the guy. This isn't normal."

"What do you know about _normal_ , Rachel?" Kurt hissed at her. "Maybe I don't want a normal guy."

"Okay, just for a moment let's say he's for real. Then you shouldn't take him to Lima! It won't be a sweet getaway weekend and you know that. I see you each time you come back, Kurt. No matter how infatuated you are, taking Blaine to Lima will destroy whatever it is you have with him. You can't let him see you like that. He'll be freaked out."

"He already saw me in a bad condition and vice versa," Kurt admitted. "Blaine has to come with me. I can't tell you why, but there's no other option. And to tell the truth, I don't know how things are going to turn out with him, but right now it feels right."

She looked at him with pity in her eyes. "I just worry about you," she said. "Nothing would make me happier than seeing you happy again and Blaine really seems like a sweet guy-"

"But?"

"I have a bad feeling about this. Something is off. Life isn't like the movies and the man of your dreams doesn't just show up out of nowhere and wants to spend every minute with you."

"Well thank you, Rachel, you've got this tremendous gift to put everything back into perspective," Kurt said sarcastically. "I'm taking him to Lima and I'm going to introduce him to my father and I'm going to meet his parents, too – they live in Westerville – and maybe this weekend is going to destroy everything but maybe it's going to be the start of something great."

"Maybe," she agreed. "And if not, I'm here for you."

He knew that she meant well, but it was just like her to spoil something for him.

"Thank you for your concern, but I feel good about this. Maybe he's the one. Maybe finally something good is happening to me."

"I hope so for you," Rachel replied, still sounding skeptical.

Kurt turned away from her. He was so angry and confused by her words that he didn't know how else to use this energy than to put it into a song. So he hit the stage and told the piano player which song to play. He met the surprised and delighted gazes of his friends, especially Adam and Blaine seemed amazed that he would sing after all.

"Maybe this time, I'll be lucky  
Maybe this time, he'll stay  
Maybe this time, For the first time  
Love won't hurry away

He will hold me fast  
I'll be home at last  
Not a loser anymore  
Like the last time  
And the time before

Everybody loves a winner  
So nobody loved me  
Mister Peaceful, Mister Happy  
That's what I long to be

All the odds are there in my favor  
Something's bound to begin  
It's got to happen, happen sometime  
Maybe this time I'll win

Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win!"

His song had a hopeful melancholy to it that it was almost too hurtful to watch. His voice grew strong and determined in the end and he received standing ovations for hitting the high notes, but he felt deflated instead of exhilarated after he'd finished.

He returned to his friends, but only to grab Blaine's hand and take him out of the bar. "Let's go."

Blaine followed him without asking why Kurt was in such a hurry to leave or what he'd talked about with Rachel. He wanted to say how much he enjoyed Kurt's performance, but he kept his mouth shut, noticing how something was brooding inside of Kurt.

They took a cab to the Astoria and went upstairs.

Kurt had a fleeting thought about how fast the hotel had become like a second home to him just because it was where Blaine lived. How he had grown accustomed to the luxury, because it seemed to be a part of Blaine, but not a very important part. And he noticed how Blaine had grown accustomed to holding his hand in public. Maybe all Blaine had needed was someone who was willing to hold his hand, to make him feel that it was normal to fall in love with someone – man or woman – and hold their hand.

But was this really love? Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe this was just an illusion. Love didn't happen within a week. This wasn't love – couldn't be love. This was just two desperate people clinging to one another and looking for an excuse to forget about the rest of the world.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Blaine had both hands on Kurt's neck and face, caressing him with hands and words, placing little kisses on his skin, trying to get back to the _can't-take-my-hands-off-you_ situation they had left in the theatre's backroom.

But Kurt couldn't succumb to his advances. "I need some water," he mumbled and stepped out of Blaine's grasp to go over to the fridge and get a bottle of water. He leaned with his back against the refrigerator and sipped his water, glad that for once Blaine wasn't following him and he had a moment to himself.

He heard Blaine moving in the living room, probably igniting the fire. Kurt imagined cozying up in front of the fireplace again like they had the other night, sitting across from each other on the carpet where Blaine had kissed him the first time.

But he couldn't make himself go into the next room. He felt like the magic was gone. It was as if Rachel had brought him back to reality. Of course this wasn't a normal love story. This wasn't a love story at all. He had talked a stranger off a bridge and offered him a shoulder to cry on. If Blaine was clinging to him, it was out of despair, not love. He wanted to be closer to Kurt, because Kurt had been the only one to give him perspective and hope. Kurt had read an article once about how people fell for people who complimented them, because they made them feel better about themselves. So maybe Blaine was attracted to Kurt, because of the way Kurt made him feel. That made much more sense.

The only problem was that Kurt was fairly certain that he was in love with the guy who had wanted to be dead a few days ago and who avoided talking about it. At least, Kurt wanted it to be love or some kind of love. But what if it was just temporary? Could it be something to last? If they wanted it to be serious, they had to stop avoiding the hard questions.

He still stood motionless and staring at the floor when Blaine came looking for him after a few minutes.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked softly, reaching out to take Kurt's hand and giving it a gentle tug, a prompt to follow him into the living room of the suite. "Is it something Rachel said to you?"

Kurt gave a half-shrug. "She means well."

"Have you told her how we met?" There was a slight quiver of mistrust in Blaine's voice.

"No, and I don't intent to," Kurt assured him. "She just thinks it's odd how we spend every second together."

"Well, it is," Blaine agreed with a grin. "But who cares? Nobody needs to know why. If anybody asks we'll just tell them we're so much in love."

 _Are we? Is this love?_ The words sat on Kurt's tongue, but he didn't let them out. Instead he allowed Blaine to pull him along until they sat down Indian style in front of the fireplace, facing each other. Still, he couldn't just let it go. "Is this what you're going to tell your parents?" Kurt challenged. Blaine paled, just like Kurt had thought he would.

"I don't know if I can tell them about us," Blaine confessed.

"I know you are afraid, but you need to start being honest with the people in your life," Kurt said in a soft voice. "Maybe they just need to hear the truth. As long as you don't tell them who you are they can go on molding you into someone they want you to be."

Blaine shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"Yes!" Kurt said. It came out harsher than he intended. "Because you can't keep on avoiding the hard questions!"

"Stop pressuring me!" Blaine countered, getting angry himself. "You're supposed to help me feel good about myself!"

"I'm not supposed to do anything," Kurt argued, his face a hard mask. "I'm not here to magically turn your life around. You can't depend on me like that. You have to do it on your own."

Blaine let out an angry huff and punched the carpet with his fists before he got to his feet and started pacing the room, silently fuming. Kurt remained slumped on the floor, watching Blaine throw punches into thin air and tearing at his curls, clearly hating that the one person he had counted on turned out to be a flake. Just like everyone and everything around him.

What had Kurt been thinking? Being responsible for someone else's life when he couldn't even handle his own? Kurt started to panic. Blaine couldn't depend on him. He couldn't be Blaine's reason to live, because that was bound to go down. Kurt closed his eyes, bit hard on his bottom lip and began counting his fingers to keep himself from freaking out.

Suddenly Blaine was there, taking his hands into a firm grip to make him stop going crazy. "Are you okay? Kurt?"

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut tighter and hung his head, pressing his chin to his chest.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Blaine said helplessly. "I'm a coward. I feel helpless when it comes to my parents, but now that I've met you everything's changed. I promise, I'll try my best to make them understand how much being with you means to me and—"

"You can't let another person be your reason to live!" Kurt told him fiercely. "I know it's tempting. You want to cling to somebody and hope they save you—" His voice broke and he tasted the salty tears building in his throat. "But if they let go, you're right where you started."

Kurt let Blaine hug him, but he didn't hug back. He collapsed against him and felt Blaine stiffen as he held his body's weight. Kurt could feel his own heart pounding and it felt so heavy and big and he wondered how it was still beating when the rest of his insides were empty and all that's left was his lonely, beating heart. His breathing was shaky and he took a few gulps to try to steady himself.

Blaine pulled away from him so he could look him in the eye. "I don't want to be a burden," Blaine said softly, taking Kurt's hands again. "I just need someone to shake me back to life and you're doing a great job of that."

Kurt just gave a nod.

"It's even more than that," Blaine went on. "I feel like there's this amazing connection between us. Tell me you feel it, too."

Their hands were locked together in a tight grip and Blaine gave them an encouraging squeeze, but Kurt didn't respond.

"You never let on how you feel about me," Blaine said, trying to coax something out of him. "I don't know how I stand with you."

"Is it important how I feel?" Kurt asked, genuinely interested. "You didn't care much about Tina's feelings, either, which I understand. You're tangled up in your own problems, so you don't have the energy to worry about other people's finer feelings. That's normal, I guess."

"Do you think I'm a selfish prick?" Blaine asked, his face scrunched up.

"No, I think you should become more selfish as long as you're doing it for the right reasons," Kurt said tiredly. "Tell the people you care about who you are and who you want to be. Give them time to process and wait who's going to support you and who will turn their backs, but don't allow them to define you."

"Let's move to bed," Blaine pleaded in a murmur, stroking his hands up and down Kurt's arms.

"We're not done talking," Kurt said.

"I didn't think we were," Blaine replied. "I'd just like to be in a more comfortable position for the hard talks."

Kurt took the hand Blaine offered and got to his feet. He took in the suite with different eyes tonight. The luxury didn't intimidate him anymore. The fireplace, the leather couches and canopy bed, the expensive view over Manhattan. It was all meaningless. Like all worldly possessions, you couldn't take any of it with you. It was just a farce. If he was taken out of this luxurious suite, Blaine would still be the same miserable, depressed boy who couldn't stand up for himself.

Kurt realized that Blaine had known this all along. He didn't care about his extravagant life style. He knew that nothing in this room, nothing in this rich world of his could save him. That was probably the reason why he leaned on Kurt so much.

They went into the bedroom and undressed. There was no sexual innuendo in the way they stripped to their undies and slipped under the covers. Kurt was grateful for the suggestion, because he found it way easier to talk when he didn't have to look Blaine in the eye, but to have him lie by his side, feeling his body next to him and have him caress his skin. Blaine's hand wandered from Kurt's collar bone down his chest to draw circles on his belly and move up again, in a soothing motion. Every now and then he would put little kisses on Kurt's shoulder or just press his face against Kurt's arm. It was only then that Kurt found he was ready to ask the hard questions.

"The night on the bridge," Kurt said and it came so out of context and out of the blue that Blaine scrunched up his face. "Has it been your first attempt at ending your life?"

"That's not important anymore," Blaine claimed.

"It is," Kurt disagreed. "I need you to tell me how long you've had these thoughts. For how long did you plan to kill yourself?"

"That's silly," Blaine said with a sigh. "I've been thinking about killing myself all through high school and during college, too." He said it like it was the usual thing to do as a teenager.

"Were those just abstract thoughts, like, _Gosh, life sucks, I wish I was dead_?" Kurt asked. "Or did you think about how to do it in detail?"

He felt Blaine shrug beside him. "Mostly I didn't think about the act itself, but more about afterwards, about what would happen once I was dead, you know? Like, I'd picture my funeral and who would mourn about me."

"Did you never imagine the different methods how you'd do it?"

"Yeah, sometimes I would compare methods," Blaine admitted. "I thought about taking pills mostly. Just falling asleep, you know? But then I thought about how horrible it would be for my parents to find me. No matter how much I argue and disagree with my parents, I couldn't do that to them. Same goes for hanging myself. So horrible."

"What made you go to the bridge that night?" Kurt wondered. "You could have taken pills here." He gestured with his arm, encompassing the hotel room, and imagined Blaine lying on this very bed, surrounded by the red roses he had bought for Tina with an empty bottle of pills on the nightstand. He shivered thinking about it.

"Well, that was kind of a knee-jerk reaction," Blaine explained. "I felt so hurt by Tina and so hopeless about my situation – and to tell the truth I didn't have pills at the hotel, so I went out to get to the next grocery store, but then I ended up just walking across the city and then I was on the bridge and I was so angry and sick with everything and—"

"I heard you yelling," Kurt said quietly. He didn't mean to interrupt, but Blaine stopped talking and the arm on Kurt's chest moved to drag him closer.

"You were shouting into the sky how much you hated someone," Kurt went on. "You were talking about yourself, weren't you? How much you hated yourself, how pathetic you thought you were. Self-hatred is a feeling one doesn't recover from within a few days."

"I don't really hate myself," Blaine murmured. "I just hated feeling all alone."

"They say people who want to kill themselves don't actually want to die, they just want their life to change," Kurt said. "And because they feel trapped they attempt suicide. Another reason to wanting to die is because of guilt. I'm glad you don't want to jump because you feel guilty of something, because that's a hard feeling to step away from."

"I was up on the ledge, because I didn't know where else to turn and what else to do," Blaine said, shaking his head.

"Drowning is a painful way to go," Kurt said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But it's a fire-sure way to make sure you'll be gone. Even if people tried to rescue you, by the time they would get you out of the water your lungs would be filled with water and you'd be frozen to death, too. Plus, if you jump into a river that leads straight into the ocean, your body might never be found. You'd spare your family the sight of your dead body or the costs of a funeral."

"I never thought about it that way," Blaine said, clearly disturbed by the thought of it. "It's brutal to deprive them of a proper funeral. I mean, how are they supposed to say goodbye if there isn't a body? God, if I'd gone through with it—I didn't even leave a note. Nobody might have known I was dead. I would have just disappeared and they might have looked for me forever, hoping I was out there somewhere—"

Blaine took Kurt's hand and squeezed it hard, as if reassuring himself that he was still alive, and frightened with the thought.

"I'm so glad you were there—it must have been fate."

"Maybe," Kurt allowed. He closed his arms around the arm holding him.

He could sense the way Blaine was glowing beside him, so happy that Kurt agreed to something like fate bringing them together. Kurt didn't actually believe in fate, but he knew that it hadn't been coincidence that they had both been there that night.

"Well, the whole concept of suicide is new to me," Kurt went on. "I haven't spent much time thinking about dying before. There has been a tough time for me back in high school when I was being bullied. But even then I never considered taking my life. I understand that there are certain circumstances in life that leave you no choice or at least make it very hard to go on. Like a fatal illness or like I said guilt—"

"Do we have to talk about all of this?" Blaine asked, nuzzling into the crook of Kurt's neck. "It's depressing. And I'm okay now. I feel like I'm a whole new person since I met you! It's like I get a vacation from my life."

"The worst feeling is to love someone and not be able to help them," Kurt said in a faraway voice.

"But you are helping me!" Blaine protested and tightened the embrace.

Kurt's face crumpled and for one awful moment Blaine was afraid he was going to cry, but then Kurt turned towards him and kissed his cheek, saying "Thank you" in such a world-weary way that Blaine almost wanted to cry himself, except that he was feeling much too good for that.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. "Why are you so weirdly sad all the time?"

"I'm just nervous about tomorrow," Kurt said which wasn't a lie.

"About meeting my parents? It was your idea!" Blaine pointed out.

"No. Well, yeah. But I'm more nervous about taking you home with me."

"Believe me, meeting your father will be much more pleasant than meeting mine," Blaine said with a giggle. Kurt didn't say anything to that.

They went back to kissing and though Kurt's head wasn't in it at first, soon he relaxed and began to enjoy Blaine's mouth against his, willing away the doubts and concerns. They made love again this night, but instead of passionate and urgent this time it was gentle, sensual and took a great deal longer than the night before. It was as if Blaine wanted to prove that he could be an attentive lover rather than a horny dog.

Afterwards they lay in a tangle of limbs and blissful exhaustion. They were sweaty and hot, their breathing slowly going back to normal.

After quite a while Blaine whispered, "Kurt, are you still awake?"

Kurt didn't respond, because he was almost asleep and he didn't want to talk anymore that night. Blaine put his mouth near Kurt's ear, his breath warm and ticklish, whispering, "I'm in love with you."

Hearing this felt so right and Kurt considered saying it back, but the moment passed and Kurt found that he couldn't admit that he too was in love with Blaine. He couldn't afford feeling this way.

Hearing Blaine say it - even if it was just a whisper in the night - gave Kurt's heart a happy jolt, but at the same time it scared the hell out of him.

* * *

 **Songs in this chapter:**

 **Gimme Gimme – Thoroughly Modern Millie**

 **Maybe This Time – Cabaret**

 **16\. Mai 2016**


	12. How To Survive Quicksand - Part I

**Chapter 12 – How To Survive Quicksand – Part I**

Waking up was always the worst.

No matter how good or bad he had slept, after waking up his mind would always be lost in misery, not wanting to start another day. He would press his face into the pillow and try to drown out his own torturing thoughts by fantasizing about leading another life.

Most of the time his favorite fantasy would do the trick: he would be on a stage playing piano with such passion that the audience was hushed by his brilliance. He couldn't see their faces, because he was blinded by the lights on him, but he felt their admiration and he would be so amazing that he didn't even feel the pressure of expectation, only the satisfying power of superiority. He couldn't fail because he was the best at what he was doing. No one dared to judge or criticize him or tell him how to do what he was doing. Sometimes he would be so turned on by this fantasy that he would lay a hand on himself and start the day by masturbating himself into oblivion.

However, afterwards he would cry in the shower, because he couldn't delay his work day any longer. He would have to be in the office by nine to learn from his father what it meant to be the head of a worldwide leading corporation. At some point his father had given up on him and his standard line would be, "Just act as if you know what everyone else is talking about and sign the papers your assistant gives you. You just need to be the face, not the brain."

If he was so worthless, why did he have to be anything at all?

He would plaster his curls with an unreasonable amount of hair gel just to feel like he had control over at least one thing in his life. He would console himself with little things that made him happy, like his bow-tie collection. He would spend an hour every morning to select an outfit and the perfect bow-tie to match. His parents granted him at least that – as long as he didn't choose anything too flamboyant. But he figured it was a children's toy company after all – he could afford dressing like Willy Wonka to some degree.

Now that Kurt was in his life, the awakening was followed by the sweet reality that he was in bed with an attractive man who was committed to him, who liked him enough to stay with him although he was a mess. It was a wonderful feeling. It was even better than how Blaine had imagined being in love would feel like. He never wanted to lose this feeling. He never wanted to return to the way his life had been before. The life that made him dread the mornings and hate the days and gave him sleepless nights.

Now he opened his eyes as soon as he was awake, looking at Kurt just to make sure all of this wasn't just a dream. But the man beside him was real. Warm and beautiful and within reach. Blaine couldn't stop himself from touching Kurt, feel his smooth skin and the muscles beneath. He slid his leg over Kurt's middle and brushed his lover's morning erection with his own. He woke Kurt by kissing and licking and nibbling on his chest and neck and jaw until he felt Kurt's hands on his arms and back, pulling him closer and fully on top. Their mouths met for a tired morning kiss and they started grinding against one another. What a way to start a day!

* * *

"Wear this one," Kurt brought him a green bow tie and without asking helped him tie it.

"Why the green one?"

"Green stands for hope," Kurt said with a one-sided shrug. "Here's to hoping today goes well."

"I love it when you tie my bow ties," Blaine confessed, watching Kurt's face as the man focused on getting the tie just right.

"Are you sure?" Kurt raised a brow. "The other day you didn't like it."

"That was when I didn't know how nice it is to have someone do this for me."

Kurt chuckled. "You should hire a personal handmaiden."

"No, I mean I love it when _you_ tie them," Blaine explained.

Kurt smiled. "I like to fuss over you, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"I just love that you wear bow ties," Kurt said. "I don't get to help someone dress up very often. It's fun."

For the moment Blaine wasn't afraid of meeting his parents, that would come once they were at their door. For now he was looking forward to spending another day with Kurt, not working but traveling.

At the airport - after they checked in their baggage - they got a coffee at a small kiosk. The woman behind the counter greeted Kurt by name and asked him how he was doing. Kurt replied with a smile, "No changes."

"I'm so sorry, honey," she said, reaching across the counter and patting Kurt's hands. "One of these days a miracle will happen."

"Thank you," Kurt replied and took the coffee. "But I think I have run out on miracles."

"What is she talking about?" Blaine asked when they carried their coffees to sit on a nearby bench.

"Oh, I talk to her every week when I'm waiting for my flight. She's just a chatty sweet old lady."

They sat down and for a moment they just watched people pass by. Or rather, Kurt was watching people pass by, Blaine was looking at Kurt who kept shifting in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

"Are you afraid of flying?" Blaine asked, taking a sip of his coffee. It was unswallowable. He added two more stripes of sugar (he had grabbed plenty) and stirred with the stick.

"I used to," Kurt replied, "but then I realized that there was nothing I could do if the plane was to crash and that kind of calmed me down."

Blaine looked at him as if he'd gone mad. " _That_ calmed you down?"

"Doesn't the thought appeal to you?" Kurt asked, giving him a sideway's glance. "That the decision to end your life would be taken from you?"

"I wouldn't want it to crash today," Blaine said, while unsuccessfully trying to put the lid back on his cup. "Not with you next to me, anyway."

"That's comforting to hear," Kurt smiled at him with amusement, before putting his own cup on the bench to help Blaine with the lid.

"Why are you so fidgety if you're not afraid of flying?" Blaine asked when Kurt changed position yet again.

Kurt raised his brows at him and replied with a smirk, "You really have to ask?"

Blaine didn't get it. "I suppose I do."

"Honey," Kurt shook his head with a smile. "I've never done it quite so often in such a short time. I'm not complaining, but three times last night and twice this morning? You really got me sore."

"I'm so sorry," Blaine said mortified when he finally got it.

"Don't apologize, silly," Kurt swatted at his arm. "Like I said, I'm not complaining. To tell the truth, I like it, this burning sensation." He looked around and dropped his voice, "It makes me want more."

"Wow," Blaine blushed, not knowing what to say.

"Just so you know, we can't do it at my dad's place," Kurt said quickly. "So we'll have to wait until we're back in New York for another round, okay?"

Blaine pouted. Now that he was told that there was a time restriction to their sexual relations for the weekend he wanted Kurt instantly.

"Don't you have your own room? I mean you're a grown-up. He must understand that—"

"It's got nothing to do with lack of privacy or even my dad," Kurt explained. "He probably wouldn't mind. I just don't want to do it at my dad's place, okay?"

"What if we check into a hotel?" Blaine suggested.

Kurt let out a chuckle. "Honey, come next Sunday you've lived twenty-two years without sex. Now you can't wait a weekend?"

Blaine grinned bashfully. "Like you said, come next Sunday I've lived _twenty-two years_ without sex. Now that I know how amazing it is—"

This time Kurt laughed out loud. Blaine loved his laugh. There wasn't a single thing that he didn't love about this man.

Blaine was amazed by how comfortable he felt around Kurt. He never thought he could talk about sex so easy and freely. Of course he was nervous each time before they had sex, but he knew he was in good hands and he trusted Kurt to tell him if he did something wrong. He had never thought he'd feel this way about someone, especially not this soon after only knowing him for a few days, but he started thinking that soulmates really existed.

* * *

They arrived at the Lima Allen County Airport three hours later and retrieved their suitcases. They had packed light, since they would stay for just one night.

"Do we need a cab?" Blaine asked when they exited the airport.

"No, my dad's car is in the parking lot."

"He leaves his car for you?"

"No, I parked it here last Sunday," Kurt explained.

"Doesn't he need it all week long?" Blaine wondered.

"Let's drive straight to Westerville, shall we?" Kurt suggested.

Blaine noticed that Kurt kept avoiding to give him straight answers, but he didn't call him out on it.

Blaine could tell that there was a sadness underneath Kurt's cheerful façade, but he didn't want to ask about it in case it would make Kurt even sadder. Like so many things that had happened in the past few days, Blaine made a mental note to ask about it later. For now he wanted to see Kurt smile. He would offer a shoulder to cry on when the time was right. So far Kurt had done enough crying over the course of the week.

During the two-hour car ride, Blaine called his brother to ask if he was already at their parent's house.

"So sorry, baby brother, but I can't make it. I forgot I have a thing in L. A. that I can't cancel."

"You said you were going to meet us!" Blaine got angry.

"I'll be home next week for your birthday!" Cooper promised. "I can still talk to Mom and Dad then. Tell them I love Kurt's idea and that I'm definitely in. I hate all this hide and seek and not being able to tell who my parents are. It sucks feeling like an outcast."

"Tell me about it," Blaine muttered.

After the call Blaine huffed and threw his phone onto the backseat. He was disappointed in his brother, but mostly he was angry with himself for believing that his brother would be there and have his back for once in his life.

"Don't be mad at him," Kurt said in a soothing voice. "We'll manage without him."

It was the _we_ that calmed Blaine down. He wasn't alone in this after all.

"To tell the truth," Blaine started, rubbing his hands between his thighs nervously. "Whenever I'm around my parents I feel like I'm trapped in quicksand. I can't escape, no matter what I do. If I struggle and fight, I only get myself deeper into trouble, but if I stay still, I will slowly but eventually vanish. There's nothing to hold on to, no way to get out on my own."

Kurt listened and nodded along. "Okay, let's stick with that analogy," he said. "How about you look up on your phone what is advised to do when you enter quicksand territory?"

"How is that going to help?" Blaine asked with a sigh. "It's not like I'm stuck in real quicksand."

"No, but I like that metaphor," Kurt insisted. "I understand the way you feel. Go on, find what they say about it and read it to me."

With another sigh, Blaine did what Kurt asked, if only to pass time.

"Okay, here goes," he said when he found some advice online. " _Drop everything if you find yourself in quicksand. If you're weighed down by something heavy, you get pulled to the bottom faster._ What do I make of this? Should I drop my bag as soon as I see my parents?"

"How about let go of your worries and fears, your secrets, everything that's weighing down on you," Kurt interpreted. "If you're honest with your parents and tell them what's been on your heart for so long, some of the heaviness might lift and you'll feel lighter."

"Mmh," Blaine said, pursing his lips. This actually made sense. He scrolled for the next piece of advice. " _Be prepared when you enter quicksand territory. Bring a large stick or a rope_." He chuckled. "Yeah, I should've brought a rope so I can hang myself afterwards."

"That's not funny," Kurt chided. "And you _are_ prepared. You have a plan in your back pocket. And you have me. I'll be your safety rope if all else fails." Kurt reached out to grab Blaine's hand and squeeze it tight. "What's next?"

" _Relax. Stay still so you don't sink. Breathe deeply to get air into your lungs. The more you breathe, the more you float_ ," Blaine read several points.

"Those are good ones," Kurt said. "Stay cool, don't get angry with your parents. Before you reply to anything they throw at you, breathe and take a moment before you react. They might try to threaten you to get you to move in the direction they want you to, but you must stay calm. Just don't let them get to you."

"You make it sound so simple," Blaine said with a sigh, scrolling down some more. "Okay, here are some more," Blaine said. " _Take your time. Don't panic, move slowly and carefully. Getting out of quicksand can be a long process. Keep your head high so that you buy yourself more time."_

"I think that might be the best advice of all," Kurt said in approval. "Blaine, you can't change your life within a few weeks. You need to work on it, take your time. Your parents won't change their minds after just one talk. No matter how today's talk with them ends, don't let it decide your fate. There's always another day to fix things. You just have to be patient and confident about the eventual outcome."

"I'm not the patient type," Blaine leaned his head on the head rest, looking at Kurt.

"Well, then it's a good thing we're meeting your parents today," Kurt said cheerfully. "The sooner you start changing your life the better."

Blaine's parents lived in a mansion near Westerville surrounded by the woods. It was quite a fairy tale estate, pompous with two towers and a broad stairway leading up to the entrance. His parents would often hold social events and invite very important people and the press to report about their wonderful life. Sometimes Blaine hated all the pretense. Then again he understood the allurement of hiding behind all of that pretense.

Today he saw the luxury of it all with Kurt's eyes and hoped that Kurt knew that this wasn't who Blaine was. On the other hand, maybe this was a big part of him. Although he didn't want to identify with it, he had never learned to live economically and to abstain from something. During his childhood there hadn't been a wish too extraordinary for his parents to fulfill. He had gotten all he wanted, as long as he was a Prince Charming in their world.

It had been his wish to go to a public high school, because he had wanted to be normal. He hadn't imagined the envy of his peers because of his upcoming or the assaults towards his gayness. It had been a hard thing to realize that he wasn't normal after all. His parents had warned him about this, but he had been confident about going to public school. Transferring to Dalton had felt like a huge failure, although he had enjoyed going there eventually.

Walking up the path towards his parent's home made him feel small and stupid. He knew they were waiting for him to come crawling back and admit that he had been wrong and the Big City hadn't been all that he'd dreamed it would be. They wouldn't accept it when he told them that he was managing pretty well at being one of the working class. They wouldn't accept that he fell in love with someone of the working class.

Kurt walked in front as if showing that he wasn't afraid, and Blaine found that he was mesmerized by the shine of Kurt's hair and the way he ambled, graceful and fluid. Kurt's presence had a calming effect on him that he was grateful for.

Blaine opened the door with his key and went through the entrance hall towards the salon where his parents would always sit after lunch on the weekends. He knocked at the door, a thing he usually never did and entered with Kurt close behind.

Indeed, his parents were in. His mother was lounging on a chaise, flicking through a magazine while his father sat in the light of the terrace door, reading the paper. Mrs. Anderson sat up when she saw her son coming in.

"Blaine!" she exclaimed. "You're home!"

His father took off his reading glasses. "You could have called to let us know you were coming," he reprimanded. "And who did you bring along there?"

"Hi Mom, Dad," Blaine said and came further in. "This is Kurt."

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. It's nice to meet you," Kurt said and rushed forward to offer his hand. Mrs. Anderson shook his hand, too baffled not to react to politeness. Mr. Anderson however got to his feet and ignored Kurt's hand. Instead he gave Blaine a look of disapproval.

"You brought him _here_?"

Both Blaine and Kurt were too stunned to reply.

"Is that _him_? The gay person you met in New York?" Mrs. Anderson asked, getting to her feet as well and bestowing Blaine with an incredulous gaze.

"How do you know about Kurt?" Blaine wondered, confused. "Did you talk to Cooper?"

"Cooper knows about this?" his mother was appalled.

"Yeah, we met Cooper two days ago in New York," Blaine explained. "How do you know about Kurt if not from him?"

"We heard it from the concierge," Mrs. Anderson said in a huff. "I never would have thought you'd have the indecency to bring him _here_ into our home!"

Blaine's head was reeling already. He hadn't expected his parents to know about Kurt and attack him so openly about it.

"I'm sorry. Exactly who do you think I am?" Kurt asked, confused about this exchange as well.

"You're the man who sleeps with my son, are you not?" Mrs. Anderson turned her disapproving look towards Kurt who was too perplexed to answer.

Blaine wanted to defend him, but he found that he couldn't speak. He felt exposed. He was robbed of the chance to tell his parents about the change in his life by himself; they already knew from strangers.

"I don't want to hear any of this," Mr. Anderson said and tucked the paper under his arm. "Jennifer, I trust you can handle this without me. Blaine, I expect to see you in the office first thing on Monday morning. I am in the garden, in case you need me, Jenn."

Mr. Anderson went out onto the terrace and shut the glass door behind him. Blaine watched as his father walked down the path into the garden and vanished from view. Part of him was disappointed by this rude reaction, but another part of him was relieved. It would be easier to talk to just his mother first anyway.

"Why would you talk to the hotel manager about me?" Blaine asked, feeling betrayed.

"You seem to forget that we're paying for that suite," his mother said sharply. "We've got a right to know what's going on in there. Do you have any idea how awkward that particular conversation was with the concierge concerning your stay in the honeymoon suite? You told us you were going to propose to Tina. Instead you're spending the whole week with a man. You're letting him sleep over every night and you're going in and out holding hands!"

"Why didn't you have me kicked out, then?" Blaine challenged.

"We didn't interfere, because we're willing to let you live out your sexual leanings on your vacation time," his mother explained. "We didn't think you'd bring this part of you back home."

"This part of me is wherever I go," Blaine replied. "I'm gay, Mom. I am and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Blaine, I think we should talk about this without the company of your _friend_ ," Mrs. Anderson crossed her arms and gave Kurt a dirty look.

"Kurt stays!" Blaine demanded, crossing his arms as well.

"Mrs. Anderson, if I may?" Kurt asked softly, raising a hand like in class.

Apparently she wasn't immune to good manners, so she allowed him to speak with a nod.

"Please don't feel assaulted by my presence," Kurt said. "I'm just here for moral support. This is something Blaine wanted to tell you for years, with or without me. Please just hear him out."

"All right," Mrs. Anderson gave a shrug like she didn't care or as if Kurt's presence didn't matter one way or another. "Just pray that Tina won't find out about your little affair, Blaine. You can't afford to lose her."

"Mom, Tina broke up with me," Blaine said. "I was _really_ going to meet her in New York and propose, but she dumped me."

"What do you mean you and Tina broke up?" Mrs. Anderson bristled. "Go and fix it, then. We had all our hopes up for her helping you with the job."

"Well, that's kind of what I wanted to talk about with you," Blaine shrugged. "I'm not cut out for this job, Mom."

"Don't we all know it," Mrs. Anderson huffed. "That's why we need Tina around. She's smart. She can run the company in the background and you'll just have to be the face of it."

"Is this what you really want?" Kurt couldn't help speaking up again. "A son who feels under pressure constantly, failing because you expect him to succeed in a field he was born into and did not chose on his own accord? I'm sure there are many applicants who would love to prove themselves worthy of such a strong and long-lasting enterprise. Someone who's willing to put all their energy and time into it. Wouldn't it be much better publicity for you to have both your sons standing proudly by your side than miserable or fake-smiling? If you love your son, you let him make his own decisions. Dare you, let him make his own mistakes."

"You don't have to lecture me about my sons or about the way we run our business," Mrs. Anderson said coolly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Do I know your parents?"

"My parents? Why?"

"What do they do for a living?"

"My dad is a mechanic in Lima," Kurt answered truthfully. "My mother died when I was eight."

"And how did you meet my son in New York?" Mrs. Anderson demanded with a cold voice.

"It's not important how we met," Blaine said, giving Kurt a look not to reveal any details.

"I just hope you hired him from a reputable bordello and didn't pick him up on the street."

"Mother!" Blaine was mortified.

"I'm a waiter in a diner, Mrs. Anderson," Kurt said, seemingly unfazed by her rude assumption. "We got to talking in my late night shift." He didn't feel comfortable with the lie since technically they had met on the street. But the diner seemed to be a more believable meeting point as anything else.

Mrs. Anderson seemed content with that explanation. "My apologies," she said, although she clearly still thought that Kurt was a slut for sleeping with her son.

"This really isn't important, Mrs. Anderson. This isn't about me or about Blaine's orientation. It's about his wish not to become the CEO of your family business. Just like his brother, Blaine wants the chance to decide his own path in life."

"What about four years of college?" Mrs. Anderson challenged. "Is that supposed to have been for nothing? Do you know how much we paid for Blaine to go to college?"

"You know, Cooper had a fantastic idea," Blaine finally spoke up for himself. "How about I take a year off to pursue my own thing? If I don't succeed I can still come back."

"And what would your own _thing_ be?" his mother wanted to know.

"I could be an actor like Cooper," Blaine said. "Only I'd like to be on Broadway. There's this workshop I've been to with Kurt and it's fantastic! We're rehearsing for this new musical and—"

"Blaine, I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment," Mrs. Anderson interrupted.

Blaine stopped talking, aware of the tone in his mother's voice.

"Would you excuse us for a moment?" Mrs. Anderson said to Kurt.

Kurt exchanged a look with Blaine, making sure his friend was comfortable being alone with his mother. Blaine gave him a nod and watched Kurt retreat. Only when Kurt had closed the door of the salon behind him, Mrs. Anderson sat down on the chaise and patted to her left for Blaine to take a seat as well. Blaine sat down warily, not sure what was about to come.

"I warned you about this, Blaine," his mother said in a soft but firm voice and took his hand. "People from the working class just want you for your money."

"No, that's silly!" Blaine instantly rejected the idea. "Kurt's not here for my money!"

"You've only known him for a week," she pointed out. "What else would he want from you?"

"Kurt's not like that," Blaine defended him. "When we met he didn't know I was rich."

"Don't be daft, Blaine. He knew you were living in the Astoria's, didn't he?"

"So what are you saying?" Blaine asked angrily. "That I can only date rich people?"

"Are you saying you're _dating_ him?" Mrs. Anderson was appalled by this idea.

"We haven't actually talked about it yet," Blaine said, suddenly self-conscious. "But I'd like to be with him. As in officially dating him."

"Oh, darling, he really messed with your head," she reached out to stroke a hand through his hair, but Blaine leaned back. "You can't trust poor people. They will always play the pity card to get you to get out your wallet. By the way, is he a punk or something? He has a tongue piercing!"

"He's not a punk. He's an actor," Blaine said, hating the way his mother was judging Kurt by his class and his looks.

"An actor! Now that explains a lot. He's a very successful one indeed the way he plays you for a fool. How can you be so naïve? He's manipulating you with sex."

"He didn't even want to sleep with me at first," Blaine defended Kurt again, trying not to freak out about hearing his mother use the word _sex_ so often. "He just wanted to be friends. It was I who wanted more."

"Face it, Blaine. Everybody just wants you for your money," Mrs. Anderson said. "Even Tina ran as soon as she heard the words _marriage_ _contract_."

Blaine shook his head in confusion. "I never told her about that. I didn't even get to propose, remember? I wouldn't have mentioned the contract anyway."

"Well, I did," his mother confessed. "I called her."

"You did _what_?" Blaine gave her an incredulous look.

"You wouldn't get a move on," his mother said airily. "Someone had to take action. We needed to know where you stand with Tina. Besides, this was before you told us you wanted to propose to her in New York."

"I can't believe you'd go behind my back like this," Blaine said, hurt and disgusted. The rest of their talk didn't go very well. Blaine felt betrayed and misunderstood and incredibly angry. He just stormed out of the house eventually, with Kurt running after him.

* * *

They drove a few miles through the woods before either of them spoke.

"They'll come around," Kurt said in defense of Blaine's parents.

"The way my mom treated you—" Blaine began angrily. "Like you're a prostitute! That's unforgivable!"

"She just wants what's best for you. Tina wasn't good enough for her baby boy at first either, was she? The good thing is that your mom didn't seem appalled by the fact that you're gay. She even was prepared for it, seeing how she wouldn't mind you having gay sex. She just doesn't like that you choose to live it out openly and—"

"If they don't accept _you,_ I'm done with them!" Blaine declared.

"It's not me they have to accept," Kurt said calmly. "It doesn't matter if they don't like _me_ as long as they accept _you_ and your choice to be with a man. Give them time to process the news."

"You are way too nice," Blaine looked over to his driver. "My mother was awful and my dad wouldn't even stay in the same room with us." There was so much anger and hurt and disappointment inside of Blaine. He bundled all of this negative energy and focused it on how attractive Kurt was. The need to touch him began to overwhelm him.

"I'm telling you, they just need to grow accustomed to having an openly gay son," Kurt said. "A son who stands up for himself and doesn't allow them to push him around any longer. Once they get their heads out of their behinds they'll be proud of you to be brave enough to finally stand up for yourself and—"

"Kurt, stop the car! Pull over!"

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, concerned. "Are you going to be sick?"

"No!" Blaine said impatiently. "I just need to kiss you. I need to kiss you right now! Please!"

His mind was spinning with Kurt and the wonderful turn his life had taken. He wanted to kiss him until their lips were numb.

Kurt gave him an incredulous look; he could tell from Blaine's voice that he was dead serious – and this sudden need was contagious. Kurt drove off the road down a path deeper into the woods and parked in a shadowy part between trees where the car couldn't be seen from the road.

They unbuckled and were drawn to one another instantly.

They kissed like no kiss they had shared before. It was like proving a point, although Blaine's parents couldn't see it. If anyone could help Blaine get out of quicksand it was Kurt. They just needed to hold on to each other and they could do anything. Blaine couldn't believe he had done the first step in crossing his parents. The first step into living his own life. He poured all his excitement over this achievement into this kiss.

Blaine felt like he would never grow tired of kissing Kurt. Everything matched perfectly. He loved Kurt's taste, he loved the way their tongues danced in sync, the sound of Kurt's hums and moans turning him on and Kurt's hands leaving trails of prickled skin on him.

All of a sudden they were both overwhelmed with an unreasonable desire. They weren't kissing anymore; they were devouring each other. Kurt unzipped the fly of Blaine's jeans and dipped to swallow the length of his cock, sucking hard on it until it stood at attention. They worked without words, it was as if they knew exactly what the other needed and wanted.

Kurt undid his own jeans and wiggled out of them while Blaine helped him to pull off his boots and yank off the pants. Neither of them had done anything like this before, but in this moment they didn't think of their surroundings or the weirdness of doing it in a car. Kurt still had enough sense left to get lube and condoms out of the side pocket of his bag on the backseat before he climbed over to the passenger's seat to sit on Blaine's lap. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's middle and held his breath as Kurt slowly eased himself on him.

For a while they just pushed and rocked against each other and moaned and pressed sloppy kisses onto each other's faces and necks until they shuddered with climaxes, breathless and dizzy and slowly coming back to their senses. For a long time, they remained in their embrace and just held one another, breathing against one another's necks.

Separating was a bit awkward and Kurt had to get out of the car to pull his pants back on, grateful that they had parked in a lonely part of the woods. Kurt leaned against the car, still trying to get his breathing back to normal.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, following him outside.

"I'm just a bit light-headed," Kurt said. "I think I should lie down for a second, if you don't mind," Kurt opened the door to the backseat.

"Okay," Blaine said, a bit concerned. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Kurt gave him a thin smile. "I just really need a nap. We didn't get too much sleep last night and I guess I was more nervous about meeting your parents than I thought. Aren't you tired, too?"

"No, not really," Blaine replied with a happy grin. "Actually, I'm all hyped up now."

"Then how about you drive the rest of the way and let me nap in the backseat?" Kurt suggested. He opened the trunk, put his bag into it and got a blanket out.

"Okay, if your dad doesn't mind when I drive the car?"

"Just set the GPS on _home_ ," Kurt instructed as he crawled into the back of the car, curled up like a kitten and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

" _Home_ it is," Blaine said and got behind the steering wheel. "Sweet dreams, lover."

Blaine loved to drive, it gave him a feeling of control and of taking charge. Kurt fell asleep instantly and Blaine loved to think that he was the reason for Kurt's exhaustion. Blaine couldn't wait to do it again. He loved the moment when he was about to lie down beside Kurt, his skin on the other man's, his mouth on his and the electric current shooting through him when they touched. It was like all the other hours of the day were spent looking forward to being intimate with Kurt. In these moments, Blaine felt more alive than he ever had.

Every now and then Blaine would cast a glance in the rearview mirror to watch Kurt sleep and he felt an incredibly affection for this man – and not just because they had just had sex together. In a car!

He couldn't help but think about what a turn his life had taken. Just to think he would have missed all of this if he had killed himself! Blaine felt like he had to die to finally experience something as wonderful and perfect as Kurt's kisses. Maybe he did die and this was heaven.

Even his anger towards his parents was gone. Kurt was right. Blaine had given them his piece of mind and they would have to adjust. For now, all Blaine had to do was take Kurt home and meet Kurt's father and spend a wonderful weekend with Kurt.

However, he was in no hurry to get to Lima – the longer he had Kurt to himself the better – and he drove casually through the countryside until his empty stomach took over all his thoughts.

"Kurt, love, I'm getting something to eat. Do you want something?" Blaine called out softly as he stopped at a rest stop.

"I'm not hungry," Kurt answered in a sleepy voice.

"You sure?" Blaine asked. "You haven't eaten anything today. Don't you want to get up and come with me? There's a diner that's looking promising."

"No, thanks. You go," Kurt said, burying deeper into the cushions and pulling the blanket over his head.

Blaine found a spot in the parking lot and turned off the engine. "Are you all right, Kurt? Why are you so sleepy?" He unbuckled and turned around in his seat to take a look at Kurt. He gently pulled the blanket from Kurt's face. "Is something the matter?"

"It's nothing," Kurt said with a sigh, blinking at Blaine. "I just always get depressed when I return to Ohio. All I had wanted was leave my hometown and live in New York. Now, every time I return, I don't recognize _home_ anymore."

"Aww, come on," Blaine gave him a little nudge. "You will feel better when you eat something."

"Just get me a water and I'll be fine," Kurt said and turned around, away from Blaine.

Blaine got out and went into the diner alone. He ordered the chicken menu to go and when he saw a cheese cake he bought two big slices.

He got back in the car and ate the chicken, offering some to Kurt, but got no response. He figured Kurt must have fallen back asleep. He put the cheese cake and the bottles of water on the passenger's seat and turned on the radio for the rest of the drive. He didn't want to disturb Kurt anymore, figuring that Kurt would be rested and up for more shenanigans once they arrived in Lima. Maybe they could park again someplace before seeing Kurt's father – or going out again later.

Thanks to the GPS, Blaine arrived at Kurt's house two hours later. It was already dark outside as per usual for an evening in November. Blaine parked the car in the driveway and unbuckled.

It was a very nice house with a well tended front yard and flower pots in the windows. Inside the light was on and Blaine could see a TV screen flicking in the living room; Kurt's father was probably waiting for them. Everything looked very warm and inviting.

"Kurt, wake up, we're at your place." Blaine leaned over to the backseat and gave Kurt a gentle shake.

Kurt slowly awoke and sat up, rubbing his eyes and then staring at the cozy house for a long time.

"Should we go in? Do you have a key or should I ring the bell?" Blaine asked, a little confused by Kurt's hesitation to get out of the car.

"I don't live here anymore," Kurt said in a hushed voice, his eyes fixated on the house.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, puzzled. "This is where the GPS led me."

"This is my old home," Kurt explained. "My mother was still alive when we lived here. I spend all my childhood and adolescence here. My room was in the basement, God, how much I loved it. It's a good house." He looked at it longingly.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, realizing the mistake. "Looks like your dad never changed the address in the GPS."

"Didn't have to," Kurt replied with a shrug. "He knows his way around Lima. It's my fault, I should have thought about checking the address." He gave Blaine another street name and lay back down, his face in his arms.

Blaine drove further through the town and stopped ten minutes later in front of a tire shop.

"Kurt, this can't be right," Blaine said. "The GPS says this is it, but there's just a garage. Where does your dad live?"

This time Kurt got out of the car and Blaine followed him.

"There's an apartment over the shop," he explained and slowly went to get his travel bag out of the trunk. His body was moving as if its battery had run down.

"Let me get those," Blaine grabbed their bags and followed Kurt inside the shop and upstairs. Kurt opened the door to the apartment and they were greeted by darkness. The first thing Blaine noticed was that the air in the apartment was stale as if Kurt's father hadn't opened the windows all week long. "Where is your dad? Is he asleep already?" Blaine whispered. It was only past nine, but after a hard day's work old people tended to turn in early.

"He's not home," Kurt said and switched on the light in the narrow hallway.

"When will he return?"

"We'll go see him tomorrow," Kurt said flatly and went ahead into the bedroom. Blaine followed him reluctantly. He watched as Kurt pulled off his already crinkled blazer and shirt and dropped his pants unceremoniously.

"You can sleep here with me or on the couch," Kurt said before he slipped underneath the covers.

"Seriously? You want to _sleep_?" Blaine asked incredulously.

But Kurt didn't talk anymore. He buried himself beneath the covers and fell asleep instantly. Blaine didn't say anything, but he was a bit annoyed and disappointed by Kurt's behavior.

There was no way Blaine could sleep in an unknown place, so he decided to explore the apartment. First, he went into the living room and opened the window. He found framed pictures on a sideboard and studied them. There was Kurt in a graduation gown with his dad. Kurt surrounded by his dad and supposedly his step-mother and step-brother. Kurt with his glee club. Baby Kurt in the arms of his mother. A selfie of Kurt with the Statue of Liberty in the background. The pictures put a smile on Blaine's face.

The flat was impossibly small. In the bathroom there was just a tiny shower, a sink and a toilet. There was no second bedroom. He went into the kitchen and opened the window there, as well. He also checked out the contents of the fridge and was utterly disappointed. Just a couple of yogurts and apples and three bottles of water? This wasn't how he had pictured the fridge of a single older man.

There was mail spread out on the small kitchen table and Blaine took a few of the open letters and read them. He knew he shouldn't read other people's mail, but he was so bored and if Kurt's dad didn't want anyone to read them he shouldn't leave them lying around on the table. It was bills mostly, biddings on the garage and more bills; all from real estate agents, lawyers and the Lima hospital. Going through these bills, it was like someone finally lifted a veil off of Blaine's eyes. How could he have been so daft? How did he not see what was going on in Kurt's life when all the signs had been there, although Kurt had refused to tell him?

 _The worst feeling is loving someone and not being able to help them._

Kurt had talked about his father! His father was in the hospital.

 _Meeting your father will be more pleasant than meeting mine._ How stupid he had been to say that. Blaine sat down on the chair and put his head in his hands. The realization really threw him for a loop.

This was what had felt wrong about the apartment. Wandering around the place, Blaine realized that the flat was deserted. Kurt's father must have been to the hospital for a long time. For three months to be exact; at least, this was what Rachel had hinted at and he had been too stupid to realize it. Or rather, he had been too selfish to want to see it. Now he knew why Kurt was so weirdly sad most of the time.

All of a sudden, Blaine realized that he wasn't the only one who was stuck in quicksand. Kurt was already drowning in it with nothing to hold onto. He wasn't just tired or depressed about returning to Ohio, he was grieving.

Blaine felt a heaviness settle on him and didn't know how to handle it. How was he supposed to help Kurt through this? How was he supposed to cheer Kurt up and tell him that it was going to be all right? He didn't know how. There was no way he could fix this.

But Kurt had given it a try to fix Blaine's situation. He tried to help Blaine work through his problems. It had been only a week so far, but just Kurt's company had helped him more than Blaine could ever repay. Although he felt overwhelmed by the direness of Kurt's situation, he had to try to be there for Kurt.

Slowly Blaine got to his feet again and went back to the bedroom. Kurt lay on his side, almost curled up in a fetal position. Blaine carefully got under the covers and lay down close to Kurt's back, wrapping an arm around Kurt's middle, gently as not to wake him up.

"I'm here for you," he whispered and pressed a kiss on Kurt's shoulder blade. "I'm not going to let you drown."

 **Thank you for reading!**


	13. How To Survive Quicksand - Part II

**I'M SO SORRY!**

 **I didn't realize it's been so long since my last update (June, 5, 2016). To my defense, this scene was really hard to write (emotionally). Then again I just posted a short story about a similar hospital scene (Playing Cards), so no excuses. Let the drama continue…**

 **(Just to be clear again: no character death in this story! Miracles do happen! At least in fanfiction. I won't let ANYONE die.)**

 **Trigger Warning: very sad chapter about grief and guilt.**

* * *

 **Chapter 13 – How To Survive Quicksand – Part II**

Blaine awoke with a start from a dreamless sleep. Something was amiss. He squinted around the dark room and noticed that Kurt wasn't in the bed.

Dread filled him up and he was wide awake within seconds. "Kurt?" he croaked and cleared his throat. He stumbled out of bed and banged his toe against the bedpost. Cursing under his breath, he fell back on the mattress and held his foot for a while. As the pain subsided he noticed the smell of coffee and the telltale sound of a coffee maker from the kitchen. Relief calmed down his beating heart.

When he could walk again, Blaine went into the little hallway and noticed a draft going through the apartment from several wide opened windows in the kitchen and living room. He found Kurt in the kitchen, sitting at the table and going through a new pile of letters that he must have found in the mailbox.

"Morning," Blaine mumbled.

"Coffee's ready in a bit," Kurt said back, with his elbow on the table and his forehead in his hand, staring down at the letters.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, sitting down opposite of him.

"I'm fine," Kurt replied offhandedly.

"No, you're not," Blaine countered, and Kurt looked up. "You were completely out of it last night," Blaine explained. "The moment we crossed the Lima town border you shut down. It was as if you were in a trance or something."

"I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday," Kurt apologized sincerely. "Sometimes I lose myself in a bubble of self-pity and denial and I become unapproachable. Rachel hates it when I get like that. But being here in Lima makes everything so much worse, because I can't escape reality. Sometimes when I'm here I fall into a sleep that feels more like being knocked out. I'm sorry it happened with you around."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault," Blaine acknowledged quickly. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do about the way you feel."

"Thank you," Kurt replied with a half-smile. "But actually there is. You can go get help by a therapist. At least that's what I'm suggesting you to do."

Blaine gave a sincere nod. The idea wasn't infuriating him anymore. He knew that it might help him to talk to a professional, if only so he wouldn't burden Kurt with his problems. He wanted to get his act together and become a person who Kurt could lean on.

"What about you?" Blaine asked, genuinely interested. "It might help you, too."

"There's nothing that can change the way I feel about my father," Kurt replied matter-of-factly. His eyes were red with fatigue and he was rubbing them hard and making them redder.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Blaine asked, concerned and a bit accusing.

"Tell you what?" Kurt looked up.

Blaine hesitated and made sure his words came out softer this time, "That your dad's in the hospital."

Kurt swallowed and returned Blaine's gaze calmly. "Because I couldn't," Kurt said in a weak voice. "I can't talk about it."

"Well, apparently, you can talk about it with everyone else," Blaine said, knowing he shouldn't press the matter, but couldn't stop himself. "Even a chatty old lady from a kiosk knows more than I do. Look, I don't mean to pry. I'm just wondering why that is."

"I didn't want to burden you," Kurt said apologetically. "I'm supposed to show you how wonderful life is."

"You're supposed to be _honest_ with me," Blaine argued. "Life has its ups and downs, I know that. You could have told me about what's troubling you."

"You weren't ready to hear about my father," Kurt explained. "But we're here now, aren't we? I'm taking you to the hospital today to meet my dad."

Kurt stood and went over to the coffee maker, pouring the hot stimulant into two mugs and adding milk and four spoons of sugar into Blaine's.

"So, what's his condition?"

"No changes," Kurt said emotionlessly. He put the mugs down on the table and sat back down again.

"Yes, I've heard you say that multiple times before, but what's his condition in the first place?"

Kurt looked down at the table, shuffling the letters and envelopes around for a while. "He's had a stroke and is in a medical induced coma for three months now," he finally said.

"Three months? That sounds serious," Blaine felt disheartened. He had figured that it might be a serious illness, but had wished it would be something that could turn out all right in the end. "Is he going to wake up?"

"That's hard to say," Kurt said, keeping his voice level. "The doctors don't think so."

"I'm so sorry," Blaine said, holding the hot mug between his hands. Once again, he felt inadequate. He didn't know how to respond to the bad news. He wanted to stroke Kurt's arm, finger his hair, ruffle up some spirit. But he didn't know if that was the right thing to do or if it would make Kurt feel treated like a child.

"There's still cheese cake left from yesterday," Blaine offered, remembering that it was Kurt's comfort food.

"No, there isn't," Kurt replied with a faint smile. "I ate it."

"Oh, good," Blaine said. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Kurt attempted a reassuring smile, but he couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes. "Give me your hand," he said and offered his hand palm up on the top of the table. Blaine didn't hesitate to lay his hand upon it, glad to feel Kurt's fingers close tightly around his. Kurt covered their hands with his left one.

"Yesterday I helped you through your quicksand territory. Today we're entering mine. I could use your support."

"Of course," Blaine replied and squeezed tight.

"When dad sold our house and moved in here, I hated this place," Kurt said in a low voice. "I had to sleep on the couch, because there was no second bedroom and I complained about it every time I came to visit. The couch isn't that bad, I just hated that we lost the house. That we lost Finn and Carole. I hated how our lives had changed back to what they used to be. Dad told me that I could have the bed when I came to visit and that he would sleep on the couch. He always wanted to fix things for me. But I reduced my visits instead. I only came to Lima every other month and kept complaining about the crappy apartment right over the shop, how much it stinks of oil and grease in here."

Blaine sat down next to him and pulled Kurt close. "I'm sure your dad knew that you were only frustrated about everything, because you were hurting," Blaine held him tight in acknowledgement of the importance of the moment. Finally, Kurt was sharing.

Kurt squeezed the arms holding him and leaned into the embrace. "He was hurting, too. I should have made it easier for him. Instead I was insufferable."

"Your dad wouldn't want you to have all these regrets," Blaine said. "You need to let go of all the guilt you're carrying around with you. If you're weighed down by something heavy, you get pulled to the bottom faster, remember?"

"I'm sorry I dragged you here," Kurt apologized. "I was afraid to leave you alone in New York, but now I realize it might not have been the greatest idea to take you along. In fact, it's stupid of me to expect you to come with me to the hospital."

Kurt freed himself from Blaine's embrace and wiped at his eyes. "How about I'll go visit my father for a couple of hours and then we'll head back to New York. There's a nice café in town called the Lima Bean where you can wait for me."

Blaine shook his head. He didn't like the way Kurt tried to get him to wait on the sidelines again.

"I won't let you go alone."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked and he looked both relieved and scared.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'll go with you," Blaine answered. "Come here." Blaine turned Kurt around and began rubbing his tension away. "It's going to be all right," Blaine said although he knew it was anything but. His thumbs pressed into the back of Kurt's neck and he felt Kurt lean into it. The shoulder-rub relaxed Kurt enough that he began to weep. Blaine wanted to say comforting words, but he didn't know anything to say, so he just embraced him from behind and squeezed him tight.

"My dad had suffered of a heart attack before when I was sixteen," Kurt told collectedly. "He had been in a coma then for one horrible week. Now all the sorrow and heartbreak of losing Finn and Carole must have caught up to him and resulted in yet another heart attack. Only this time it doesn't look like he's ever going to wake up from it."

"So you're flying to Ohio every weekend to sit with him?" Blaine asked, astonished by this kind of dedication.

"I should have done this when he was still around," Kurt said with so much regret.

"I'm sure he didn't want you to spend all of your money on flights."

"I should have done so anyway. I should have called more often. But I have such a crazy schedule and—no excuses. I should have tried more."

Blaine remembered Rachel telling him that Kurt had turned down the part of Peter Pan in favor of just being understudy and that the reason had something to do with his father. "This happened at the same time you got offered the role of Peter Pan, hadn't it?" he asked. "Is this the reason you turned down the part?"

Kurt gave a nod, and noticing that Blaine didn't understand, he also offered an explanation. "I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was what would happened if my dad died and I had to get home to arrange the funeral. I would have to abandon the show for a couple of weeks entirely. It wouldn't be fair to the audience and the producers."

"But you'd have an understudy who would step in."

Kurt turned around to face Blaine again. "Look, when you're an actor, it's not really about escaping reality or pretending you're someone else. On the contrary. You put a lot of _yourself_ on display, not just visually, but emotionally. I cannot play the funny and brave and stubborn Peter Pan on stage every night when the pain and grief about my dad is up to my throat and I'm afraid that he might die while I'm on stage and the doctors couldn't reach me."

"Okay, I get that," Blaine said quietly.

"We should get going. I'm already late," Kurt said, rubbing his face tiredly. "And I didn't go yesterday. Usually I see him Saturdays and Sundays."

On the way to the hospital Blaine felt like he had gotten closer to Kurt. To be let in emotionally was an intense and wonderful feeling, so much more so than physically. Blaine was humbled by the intensity of his own feelings that only seemed to grow the more he learned about Kurt. He had never felt this way before and he hadn't thought he would ever feel this way for anyone. All his own problems seemed meaningless and far away. He just wanted to be there for Kurt.

* * *

Kurt parked the car in front of the hospital, but he didn't get out right away. He took a few deep breaths and wetted his lips nervously.

"Take your time," Blaine said with a reassuring smile. "Getting out of quicksand can be a long process. Keep your head high so that you buy yourself more time."

Kurt smiled at that.

"I'm with you," Blaine pointed out.

"I've never been here with someone else before," Kurt said, apparently trying to figure out how he was feeling about this. "It's always been just my dad and me."

"Well, get used to it," Blaine said, trying to sound cheerful, to show his support.

At least he got another smile for that.

Blaine grew nervous and uncomfortable as they walked down the hospital hallways. He tried to imagine what it would be like to have one of his family members in a coma. Although he wasn't particular fond of any of them, he wouldn't want to have to visit their bedside in a hospital. He tried to get what it felt like to know one of your parents was about to die and realized that he didn't have a clue how he would feel. He couldn't imagine a life without his parents – no matter how screwed up he thought they were.

The nurses greeted Kurt by name and with pitying faces. He just nodded back at them.

"Here we are," Kurt said quietly as he stopped in front of a door and gave Blaine a look as if to check if Blaine was really all right with this.

"Go ahead," Blaine said. As Kurt entered the room, Blaine found himself checking his bow-tie and called himself a fool for wanting to impress a man in a coma. But then Kurt began to speak softly and for a second Blaine was confused whether he had misunderstood something and Kurt's dad was conscious after all.

"Hey Dad, it's me," Kurt said and approached the bed. "I brought a friend. I hope you don't mind. Blaine, please meet my dad. Dad, this is Blaine Anderson."

Blaine stepped forward and looked down on the bald man on the hospital bed. "Nice to meet you, sir," he said in a firm voice, despite feeling weird talking to a sleeping man.

"We met in New York, but he's from Westerville," Kurt went on talking to his father. "Small world, huh? He was a Warbler. Remember my glee club competing against them at Regionals all those years ago? Gosh, what if we had met back in high school? Can you imagine that?" Kurt asked with a warm smile at Blaine.

"I wish we had met earlier," Blaine replied. "I suppose my life would have been quite different if I'd already known you back then. Just look at how you've turned my world upside down within a week."

"I feel like I've known you forever," Kurt agreed and turned back to his father. "I met Blaine's parents yesterday. They're— _difficult_. They don't accept him being gay yet. But they'll come around. I could tell that they love him."

Kurt took his father's hand in both of his.

"Do you really think that?" Blaine asked, carefully.

"They wouldn't argue the point so much if they didn't care about you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Blaine said with a shrug. He felt uncomfortable discussing his family situation with Kurt's father in the room – unconscious or not.

"There's a cafeteria down in the lobby," Kurt said, as if he felt Blaine's uneasiness. "Do you mind waiting there for me? Like, an hour maybe? I'd like to be alone with my father for a while."

"All right," Blaine said. "Take your time. I'll be outside if you need me."

Blaine hung out in a waiting area on the same floor, a room with stark fluorescent lights, uncomfortable chairs and a pile of dog-eared magazines at least a year old. He didn't go downstairs to the cafeteria, because he wanted to stay on the same floor as Kurt was. If Kurt left his father's room, Blaine would see him walk past the glass wall of the waiting area.

Blaine paced in front of the empty visitor seats, restless and worried. "Stop it!" he told himself when he realized that he was working himself up. As Blaine sat down on one of the plastic chairs, he realized that this was the first time he was separated for more than five minutes from Kurt since they had met. He didn't like it one bit.

* * *

After Blaine had left, Kurt just stood there for a moment, alone in the silence. "Dad?" he whispered. Every time he came here it was a throwback to when he had been sixteen. He would never get used to seeing his father in that hospital bed.

Everything about the room was depressing: the plain, cheerless walls, the TV hanging from a black metal adjustable arm, and above all the plastic-framed adjustable bed. He had tried to decorate the room with colorful fabrics and pictures, but they were just specks on a white canvas.

Kurt turned the TV on, angry with the nurses for turning it off. He had asked them specifically to let the TV run, so his father wouldn't feel alone. Kurt hated that people in a coma were treated as if they were dead already. Kurt was told that his father couldn't hear him, but you never knew, right?

"So, this week has been eventful," he began talking about his week, like every time he visited. "Just imagine, I saved someone's life. Blaine's life, that is. I met him on the Brooklyn Bridge, about to jump and talked him out of it. Crazy, huh?"

Kurt got out the deck of cards and shuffled them in his hands. He had started this ritual to calm himself after he had been given his father's belongings. Kurt had been curious to find a battered deck of cards among the things that his father had carried with him the day he was brought to the hospital. Maybe they had served as a token or some kind of lucky charm. Kurt held on to them and carried them with him. He had developed quite a case of OCD in way to cope with the grief. Counting his fingers or shuffling the cards was a part of keeping himself sane.

"We made a deal, Blaine and I," Kurt told. "That he would postpone trying to kill himself until his birthday – which is next weekend – and I'll convince him that life is worth living. I'm afraid I'm doing a poor job, though. I tried to help him make up with his parents yesterday, but that's going to be a long process. They're very stubborn people. Luckily, Blaine's easy to excite for things like singing and acting – he does a great job at the Spotlight diner and my theatre workshop. And he fell for me. We fell for each other. I don't know if this is what love is. It feels too intense, too much like grasping for straws. I don't know if in the end what we feel for each other is going to save him. Or me."

Kurt felt a choke in his chest. He sat on a chair next to the bed, clutching his father's hand. His father was so close he could see the stubble on his face, the baggy lines beneath his hollow eyes, the bony knuckles. He felt tears welling and a shaking in his chest. He drew in long painful breaths. He had thought having Blaine nearby would steady him, would finally compose him and allow him to have more control over his emotions, but it didn't. Kurt lowered his head into his hands and wept as quietly as he could, his face hot and slick with tears. This was not right, not at all, not any of it.

He spent some time just sitting with his father, watching his shrunken chest softly rise and fall with his shallow breath. He wondered whether his father was dreaming, and whether his dreams were drug-addled fantasies or calm visions of what might be waiting for him in the next life, if there was a next life.

When he left Burt to sleep, he braced himself against the wall of the hallway as a fresh wave of tears flowed out of his eyes. He had bawled so much already, when would all these endless tears eventually be used up? He sat down on one of the chairs in the hallway, with his face in his hands.

"Kurt? Are you okay?"

As soon as he heard Blaine's voice he clamped down his tears and quickly wiped his face.

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine sat down next to him and held his hand. This softness, this loving touch which Kurt had not asked for but which he so desperately needed, melted him and Kurt sank into his arms.

"He hears you," Blaine said, his voice so soothing. He kissed the top of Kurt's head. "He knows you're here."

"If he knows I'm here, then he also knows I wasn't yesterday," Kurt pressed his face into Blaine's chest. There were days when his grief was taking a larger toll than normal. He didn't know what to do in those moments of grief except stare at nothing. On those days he felt like he was moving underwater, that all things seemed dim and untouchable.

"Excuse me, Mr. Hummel," a doctor approached and Kurt sat up straight. "I'm sorry to bother you about this again," the doctor said. "But I need to have a word with you. You said last week that you'd make a decision, but you still haven't given us an answer."

"I'm sorry, but we're in a hurry," Kurt said and stood. He grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him down the hallway, running away from the doctor.

"Mr. Hummel, wait up, please." The doctor followed them.

"I told you, I don't want to talk about this," Kurt shouted without slowing down. "I said I'd write you a letter with my decision." He stopped in front of the elevator and pushed the button impatiently.

"Well, yes, but you haven't sent a letter yet," the doctor stressed. "I just want to make sure that you understand the severeness of the situation. Your father's here for three months now – that's a persistent coma. His brain activity's decreasing every day. The chance that he's going to wake up diminishes by the hour."

"Well, then the decision will be taken off my hands soon enough, won't it?" Kurt replied angrily.

The elevator door opened and Kurt dragged Blaine inside, holding his hand so tight he realized it must be hurtful, but he couldn't make his hand relax.

"No, it won't," the doctor explained gently and followed them inside the elevator. "Even if your father becomes brain dead, his body might live on for as long as the machines are running."

"They say as long as there's still some brain activity, people have a chance to wake up from this kind of coma!" Kurt insisted, but his voice was husky, underlaid with uncertainty.

The doctor gave him a pitiful look and smiled kindly. "Your father was against artificially prolonging life but he left the ultimate decision in your hands. We won't take any terminal action without your explicit approval."

"That was before he married Carole," Kurt argued. "I didn't even know he had made such a patient's will. He never changed it to Carole, probably because he wasn't thinking this kind of thing could happen again," Kurt said. The door of the elevator opened and Kurt ran out.

"By all means, I don't mean to pressure you, but if we could have your decision by the end of next week, that'd be most convenient."

Without another reply, Kurt stormed out of the building. Leaving the hospital, they were surprised to find that it was raining.

"What was that all about?" Blaine asked, confused.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that," Kurt said, letting go of Blaine's hand to get the car keys. "They want me to sign papers authorizing permission to take my dad off of life support."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing for you to worry about," Kurt replied, evasively and hurried to get to the car.

"No, Kurt, wait!" Blaine called and stopped short in the middle of the parking lot, getting soaked; the rain was running down his face and he wasn't even moving to wipe it away. "Tell me!"

Kurt stopped, too, looking back at Blaine standing in the pouring rain. He slowly walked back to where Blaine had stubbornly planted himself.

"What's going to happen to your dad if you sign those papers?"

Kurt looked him straight in the eyes, watched the rain drops fall on Blaine's lashes until he blinked them away. He was aware that he had been evasive about this part of his life, his grief. He had wanted to spare Blaine the unhappy side of life. But Blaine was asking for honesty – even if it meant hearing about the bad things.

"He'll die," Kurt answered and a shiver went down his spine – from the rain slicking down his collar. "They want me to pull the plug, so that he'll die. Apparently, they need the bed. So far I'm paying for it, but I'm running out of money, and they're afraid they won't get paid. I'm trying to sell the shop and the apartment, but it takes more time than I thought it would. So, there's that."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine said and he looked as miserable as a dog in the rain, which wasn't too far from their current situation.

"Do you know what that's like, to be asked to kill your father?" Kurt asked and shook his head to get the rain out of his bangs.

"It wouldn't be killing," Blaine replied softly. "At this point, it would be a release—"

"But it feels that way!" Kurt said angrily. "I'd be responsible for his death! How could I live with that? I can't lose him. I've got no one else but him. And I hate it when people call me Mr. Hummel; it feels weird to be called that way. In my head that's my dad, not me. It's like, I'm killing him and taking his place."

"Kurt, I—" Blaine began, but Kurt cut him off.

"Car," he said and walked sternly across the parking lot toward it, feeling like there wasn't any need for them to get even more soaked. Blaine climbed into the passenger seat and Kurt got behind the wheel. When he shut the door, it was like someone had turned off the volume. It was suddenly very quiet and much warmer. It felt like a safe place.

They wiped their faces with tissues they found in the glove compartment.

"You said this morning that there was a chance that he'd wake up and recover," Blaine reminded him.

"A very slim chance," Kurt replied. Something passed over his face and he looked down at the steering wheel. He paused for only a second, listening to the rain hitting the window, before telling him what he'd never told anyone. "Do you want to know the worst thing? The thing that's killing me?"

Blaine just nodded, even as he felt his breath catch in his throat. He had known there was more to the story there, but Kurt hadn't offered up any more details and Blaine hadn't known how to ask about it.

"It doesn't matter if I sign those papers or not. It's my fault that he's in that coma in the first place. I have killed my father. I already killed him long before he was struck by the second heart attack."

"Don't talk like that," Blaine said softly, but Kurt couldn't stop. He had to get it out.

"The last time I had spoken to my dad had been three weeks before his heart attack. I hadn't called him for _three weeks_ , because I'd been too busy trying to get a career. I had been avoiding his calls, because I didn't want to hear him asking me to come visit, I didn't want him to tell me that he missed me, because it would make me feel guilty for not calling and visiting. I had felt overwhelmed with the pressure of jobs in New York, I didn't need him to add more pressure on top of all that. I don't even remember what we were talking about the last time we spoke, but I have probably tried to get him off the phone. Talking to him reminded me of Finn and Carole and the family we lost. I had forgotten that he and I had been a family first. But for me, just the two of us hadn't been enough anymore. It must have killed him. I caused him so much misery on top of the grief and—how can I forgive myself for what I did? For ignoring him when he had needed me?"

"You can't think like that," Blaine tried to soothe him, but Kurt didn't want to receive any comfort.

"But it's all I can think about," he revealed. "I killed him, Blaine. I killed him, it's a fact."

"He's had a heart attack—"

"BECAUSE OF ME! HE'S DYING AND IT'S MY FAULT!" Kurt yelled in hysterics.

After that they sat in silence for a long time. Kurt waited for the devastation to come – the tears, the feeling that things were falling apart. But it didn't. Not yet anyway. He felt eerily numb instead. The rhythmical drum of the rain calmed him down. That, and knowing Blaine was there. Not asking questions, not offering good advice or telling him that he was wrong. He was just there, patiently waiting for him to get his thoughts together, to move on. Staring ahead at the blur of rain on the windshield. After a while, Blaine reached for his hand and squeezed it and Kurt looked up to give him a thin smile, then he started the engine and headed back home.

Blaine had never been comfortable sharing silence with anyone. Until now. He felt like he finally understood Kurt and there needn't be words spoken. There weren't words anyway, none to express his sorrow for Kurt's grief, for the loss he was about to face and already going through. They were headed to Kurt's father's apartment to get their suitcases and be on their way to the airport.

Blaine looked over and saw that Kurt was gripping the steering wheel hard, his hands flexing against it and a muscle working in his jaw, like he was struggling with something. Blaine started to say something, then realized maybe he should wait for Kurt to speak. He pressed his lips together and made himself sit in silence and when he was almost sure he couldn't take it any longer, Kurt cleared his throat.

"Blaine, I was just thinking—"

"Yes?" Blaine said slowly. You could almost feel it coming, when someone needed to say something to you and you don't want to spook them.

Kurt let out a long breath, like he was steeling himself for something. Somehow Blaine knew that there was a reason he was telling him now, when they were driving, when he didn't have to look directly at him, when there were other things to focus on.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine, but I don't know how to save a life. I'm not the right person for the job. I let you down."

"You didn't let me down," Blaine disagreed and watched as Kurt's hands gripped and flexed against the wheel again before coming to rest at ten and two.

"Well, this is life, this is the ugly truth of it," Kurt went on and his voice wobbled. "You disappoint and you get disappointed, over and over again. I should have gone to see my dad yesterday, no matter how late it was. I always visit Saturday and Sunday. He was waiting for me, but I let him down again. He must be so disappointed."

"I'm sure he's not," Blaine said. "And I can take the ugliness of life as long as I'm with you."

Kurt paused at a red light and gave him a ghost of a smile before looking back at the road. "Are you sure you still want me for the job? I'm not making things worse for you?"

The rain started to come down harder and he increased his wiper speed.

"I'm very sure," Blaine replied. "You're the only thing in my life that makes sense right now."

"No pressure," Kurt said with a small chuckle.

The light changed and Kurt drove on.

"Every time I visit, I hope to find that he's better, but he never is," Kurt said and the faint trace of hopefulness still in his voice was breaking Blaine's heart.

"I guess this is it. I have to sign the papers." Although Kurt was keeping his tone light, Blaine could practically see the effort involved with it and the rising hysteria.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Blaine said gently. "You'll get the money for the hospital bills. I can help you. You don't have to sell—"

"It's not just for the hospital bills," Kurt said. "I have to sell the garage and the apartment above it to pay for the funeral, too. I can't pay for that with what little I get from the Spotlight diner."

"I'm really sorry," Blaine said when he realized that there was nothing else he could say.

"You know," Kurt said on the edge of crying. "Those are things you don't want to think about. It makes me sick to have to think about his funeral. It's like I'm stuck in a nightmare."

Kurt parked in front of the tire shop and they just sat there, listening to the rain beat the car windows. Blaine reached his hand over to cover Kurt's and Kurt threaded his fingers through Blaine's. They stayed like that, neither one making any move to get out of the car as the rain fell all around them.

Blaine stared out of the rain-streaked window and saw it: a sign in the shop window that he hadn't noticed the night before. FOR SALE.

Blaine drew in a sharp breath as the impact of this hit him – what Kurt had been going through for the last three months. And after everything he had lost, now he would lose the last thing that was connected to his father.

When he gazed over at Kurt again, the young man looked miserable, staring at the garage with a combination of longing and self-pity.

"This is it," he said, as new tears started to leak from his eyes. "My dad's going to die."

Kurt choked on a sob. He felt like he was drowning, desperation was clawing at him, his lungs wanted to breathe, but there was no air left. He shrank away, wrapping his arms around his waist. This time he couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard he tried. The sobs were merciless and painful, he felt faint from an inability to breathe.

"Hey," Blaine said. "Hey, come here." He pulled Kurt close, tucking him under his chin.

He was like an anchor, a solid wall between Kurt and emptiness. His arms were surprisingly strong, holding him tight. Still, Kurt couldn't stop the ugly sobs that came out of him. He was too far gone. The stress of waking up in another dark storm, the loneliness, all the things he tried so hard to ignore crashing over him. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Loud and messy. Blaine held him the whole time, stroking his back, murmuring nonsense words into his ear. He was warm, smooth and alive. Finally, the tears began to slow, but the pain didn't dull.

The rain had stopped, and it had gotten dark outside.

"Let's go inside," Blaine got out of the car and opened the driver's door for Kurt. They went up the stairs to the apartment, hand in hand.

"We missed our flight," Kurt stated the obvious without emotion.

"That's okay," Blaine said quickly. "We'll take another flight tomorrow. Don't worry about work or anything, okay? We'll just call in a sick day tomorrow and nobody's the wiser."

Kurt just gave a nod and went into the bathroom to wash his face. Blaine would rather have Kurt panicking than being indifferent.

When Kurt got out of the bathroom after a while, his his clothes were wrinkled and his hair in total disarray and wet. Worst of all, his eyes were red-rimmed and hollow and Blaine couldn't stand seeing Kurt like this.

"Kurt—" He took Kurt's face in both hands and kissed him, trying to revive him. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Kurt asked in a whisper.

"That you'll be okay," Blaine said, holding him and kissing the corner of his mouth.

"What about you?" Kurt asked back. "Will you be okay?"

"I don't know," Blaine replied honestly. "I hope so."

They gazed at one another for a moment, with Blaine's hands still on Kurt's face as not to allow him to look away, but growing aware of the weird tension between them, and then Blaine felt Kurt's mouth crushing into his own, teeth and tongue and lips and all his raging agony crashing right into him. Kurt was frantic as his fingers unbuttoned Blaine's shirt, slipped it off his shoulders, then his hands were on his chest, his back, his neck. Blaine's hands were holding his face while kissing him, but then they were pulling Kurt's hips to his and he undid the button on his jeans, unzipped the fly, his hand edging its way between Kurt's legs—

"Bed," Kurt said with a groan and pulled him into the bedroom. They fell onto the mattress and tore off the rest of each other's clothes.

"I thought you didn't want to do it," Blaine said between kisses. "In your dad's home."

"This isn't a home anymore," Kurt replied soberly. "It's just a room. My dad won't come back here, and neither will I."

Blaine didn't know how to respond, but clearly Kurt wasn't in the mood to talk anyway. They made love, but somehow it didn't feel like making love, it felt like an exorcism. Blaine did everything to help Kurt forget about his grief if only for as long as their bodies were interlocked. He made Kurt yell in pleasure and cry out for more. Blaine just hoped that whatever was haunting Kurt could be chased away with love.

Kurt fell asleep at some point, worn out and weak. But Blaine remained wide awake. During the day, Blaine had realized that Kurt's quicksand situation was worse than he had expected and he needed to find a way to help him.

The next morning, Blaine slipped out to buy croissants at the bakery around the corner. When he got back to the garage, Blaine took a picture of the For Sale sign to be able to remember the phone number of the real estate agent. He knew that Kurt wouldn't take his money, if he simply offered it to him. But Blaine could give him money anonymously by purchasing the shop. Granted, he didn't have that much money, but his parents had more than enough to spare. He just had to get in their good graces again – and he might have a plan how.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading.**


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